I am so proud of my little man. He has decided it is time to move on from nursing.
Over the past month or so we cut out the morning feeding and the pacification feedings, but he was still nursing at least three times a day on demand. I wouldn’t give it to him if he was crying for it, but when he asked nicely or has a little fall here or there … I had hoped to be done in the next two weeks, practically because it is time for my annual exam and I would like to get a new RX for better birth control. But I honestly haven’t been too aggressive about cutting him completely off. Additionally, he hasn’t taken to drinking any other milks regularly (and I’ve tried them all) so I haven’t wanted to cut out the nutritional source either.
But this weekend it just happened. On Friday afternoon I went to take a hot bath and Raymond came in from outside and jumped into the tub with me (of course with all his dirty clothes on) and nursed. It was quiet sudden and he bit me pretty hard in the process of me trying to deal with a sopping wet baby in the tub when I was trying to meditate. Morgan came in and laughed at our situation and made a joke that Raymond better enjoy the baba while he still could, his days were numbered! Raymond pulled off and cried for a second, like he understood, but he had a nice nursing session and a good bath afterwards.
Apparently he did understand.
Saturday came and went and he never demanded nursing. After he went to bed I cried for a while. Sunday came and my game plan was that if he needed the boob he could have it once as I have not planned on this being the weekend of weaning. But he never needed it. This morning he pulled down my shirt a little but then giggled and started playing with toys. He had a big fall and let me comfort him but did not go for the boob. He is fine.
Like all other milestones, he just went with it when he was ready. I didn’t get a chance to “plan” or “implement” he just did it. Which is wonderful … however, I am a bit of a mess. For 13 ½ months nursing has been a major part of my life and I am sad to see that time go. But I didn’t have to force it on Raymond … it was his time. And that means the world to me.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Do you remember cramps?
I don't. I haven't had my period since May of 2009. I haven't been worried (with the exception of a couple of pregnancy tests along the way) as I have been an exclusive breast feeder. And let’s be honest, I've really barely started to wean the little guy.
Sometime last week I started having extreme pains in my stomach which I attributed to stress. After a relaxing weekend in Asheville with friends I thought I'd be all fixed, and while my mind is settled I find that my cramps have only gotten more extreme.
After we got home last night I had a major episode with back pain and light headed spells. I barely slept through the night as I was woken up about every 45 minutes with sharp, tight pains.
The whole night I tossed and turned and thought to myself what a wimp I must be if this is just the return of my cycle. I did have terrible cramps as a teenager which led to me getting on birth control at 17. But nothing like this.
Today they have only gotten worse. I finally bit the bullet and called the OBGYN --- thinking to myself that someday I would laugh about calling the doctor for cramps.
The call back did not make me feel silly as the nurse explained that this level of pain is pretty normal when you haven't had you period in a while. However, she did not make me feel better when she said I could also have a cyst. Apparently when you do not have your period for a long time and your hormones are all crazy ovarian cysts are common. WTF.
I can’t find much online about this potential “cyst” --- most sites simply state that it is a myth that breast feeding causes cysts and it shouldn’t be a deterrent to breastfeed. Okay, really, I’m sold on breast feeding. Would never go back on that choice and plan to keep it going for any other children we might be blessed with. But what about the potential cysts? I kind of feel like the nurse shouldn’t have thrown that out without more information or scheduling an appointment. I go in for my annual appointment next month and I guess I will get answers then. I imagine it would be silly to go to the doctor just because I am having bad cramps … and just because I might have a cyst that is common and will likely resolve itself. Likely I will still be experiencing this pain and still won’t have my period.
I thought I would be relieved to have my cycle start back as I have missed the connection to my body a little. But weeks of this pain followed by a period that could last 10 days to 3 weeks? I might go back on that wish very soon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feb 22 Follow UP: I wanted to check in as I have learned that the pain and possible cyst I was mentioning really isn't caused by breast feeding. I know I already said that but I want to be clear as I would hate to make someone think there is a reason not to breast feed. In fact most of us have them and when you don't ovulate for a while they are harder to get through the next time around. Certain birth controls, pregnancy in general, irregularity or age could all be factors in irregular ovulation.
Sometime last week I started having extreme pains in my stomach which I attributed to stress. After a relaxing weekend in Asheville with friends I thought I'd be all fixed, and while my mind is settled I find that my cramps have only gotten more extreme.
After we got home last night I had a major episode with back pain and light headed spells. I barely slept through the night as I was woken up about every 45 minutes with sharp, tight pains.
The whole night I tossed and turned and thought to myself what a wimp I must be if this is just the return of my cycle. I did have terrible cramps as a teenager which led to me getting on birth control at 17. But nothing like this.
Today they have only gotten worse. I finally bit the bullet and called the OBGYN --- thinking to myself that someday I would laugh about calling the doctor for cramps.
The call back did not make me feel silly as the nurse explained that this level of pain is pretty normal when you haven't had you period in a while. However, she did not make me feel better when she said I could also have a cyst. Apparently when you do not have your period for a long time and your hormones are all crazy ovarian cysts are common. WTF.
I can’t find much online about this potential “cyst” --- most sites simply state that it is a myth that breast feeding causes cysts and it shouldn’t be a deterrent to breastfeed. Okay, really, I’m sold on breast feeding. Would never go back on that choice and plan to keep it going for any other children we might be blessed with. But what about the potential cysts? I kind of feel like the nurse shouldn’t have thrown that out without more information or scheduling an appointment. I go in for my annual appointment next month and I guess I will get answers then. I imagine it would be silly to go to the doctor just because I am having bad cramps … and just because I might have a cyst that is common and will likely resolve itself. Likely I will still be experiencing this pain and still won’t have my period.
I thought I would be relieved to have my cycle start back as I have missed the connection to my body a little. But weeks of this pain followed by a period that could last 10 days to 3 weeks? I might go back on that wish very soon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feb 22 Follow UP: I wanted to check in as I have learned that the pain and possible cyst I was mentioning really isn't caused by breast feeding. I know I already said that but I want to be clear as I would hate to make someone think there is a reason not to breast feed. In fact most of us have them and when you don't ovulate for a while they are harder to get through the next time around. Certain birth controls, pregnancy in general, irregularity or age could all be factors in irregular ovulation.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Do I have to call my baby a toddler now?
We made it! Sunday marked Raymond's FIRST BIRTHDAY and we had a party with family and friends to celebrate. Today we had the dreaded one year well visit, complete with shots, and he is doing just fine (especially considering how many live viruses he has now as a result of the shots).
Raymond is not yet walking on his own but is holding onto our legs and walking with us, It is pretty cute. For that reason I can say he isn't a a toddler YET. But alas I find that we are now in the "Tots" category. We were even corrected at a restaurant when another mom called our children "TODDLERS, not babies."
Raymond will always be my baby, but that isn't the distinction I am trying to make.
Raymond is not yet walking on his own but is holding onto our legs and walking with us, It is pretty cute. For that reason I can say he isn't a a toddler YET. But alas I find that we are now in the "Tots" category. We were even corrected at a restaurant when another mom called our children "TODDLERS, not babies."
Raymond will always be my baby, but that isn't the distinction I am trying to make.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I don't know how she did it ...
My husband is out of town for work all week, and it happens to be the busiest week of my part time (not so part time this week) job, my technology is failing me all around and Raymond is changing his sleep schedule to take one nap. I am blessed that I have a child that goes into these transitions easily. I, on the other hand, am not transitioning very well.
But in the heat of my frustration I find myself taking deep breaths and pausing and thinking of my mom. My parents were divorced (and her heart broken )when i was 3. During the summers we had a lot of family and friends around in Elkmont to help care for me - and close friends in Gatlinburg too - but really she did the day to day totally alone. And I think she did a great job.
The thought of my mother is inspiring. I can make it through and hope to be as wonderful as she was.
But in the heat of my frustration I find myself taking deep breaths and pausing and thinking of my mom. My parents were divorced (and her heart broken )when i was 3. During the summers we had a lot of family and friends around in Elkmont to help care for me - and close friends in Gatlinburg too - but really she did the day to day totally alone. And I think she did a great job.
The thought of my mother is inspiring. I can make it through and hope to be as wonderful as she was.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Coming soon: One less thing to worry about!
I continue to count down the days until Raymond’s birthday (5 ½ more to go!) with great anticipation. One of the many reasons is because after Raymond’s first birthday he is statistically out of the danger zone for a second bladder infection. Which means that every time he gets a fever over 101 I do not have to take him to the doctor and have a catheter done and that I no longer have to have a hidden nugget of guilt that my decision may cause him to have kidney damage. Whew.
Some background: Raymond is uncircumcised. I don’t really want to open this conversation up to debate about the “circumcision decision.” All I want to say is that Morgan and I did a lot of research and consultation which lead us to the decision not to circumcise and we are VERY pleased that we did not cosmetically and irrevocably alter our child.
But, despite our resolve, this decision was seconded guessed when Raymond got a bladder infection. This is the information I have --- DISCLAIMER, I am not a medical professional! --- Males under 1 year that are uncircumcised are more likely to get a bladder infection/UTI than circumcised males. Males that are uncircumcised that are older than 1 have almost no occurrence of bladder infections/UITs … among many other longer term benefits … here I am about to go off on my tangent … refocus. I think the statistic is that uncircumcised babies have 1 and 10,000 chance of getting an infection. However, after the first infection occurs, uncircumcised babies have 1 in 100 chance of getting a secondary infection (I am certain about the second statistic).
Okay, no big deal, right? Antibiotics will clear it up. That actually depends on who you ask. By the time the baby has a fever and you know there is an infection the bacteria has penetrated the kidneys and gotten into the blood stream, which could mean that your baby boy is at risk for kidney damage and or failure.
Why does the baby get the infection? Babies poop in diapers and before the foreskin retracts you cannot necessarily be 100% that you have gotten all of the poop out. A small particle of poop may get in the shaft and work its way back until it gets into the urinary tract and so forth. Additionally there may be other factors – such as urinary tract reflux – or other irregularities in the baby’s bladder and associated parts – that make the occurrence of a secondary infection more likely.
Back to our story: After we were properly diagnosed with the infection by our pediatrician we were referred to have some tests and imaging done of Raymond’s bladder, urinary tract, kidneys, etc. The main thing there were looking for was the reflux. We had an ultrasound done and then this terrible horrible dye/catheter/x-ray series done where there looked for the reflux. Raymond did not have any reflux BUT there was indication of a slightly dilated part of the uritar … dilated means it isn’t even narrowed! But the “abnormality” plus the fact that Raymond is uncircumcised meant that our pediatrician wanted us to see a specialist.
Side note: I love our thorough and thoughtful group of pediatricians but admittedly I am a little worn out on the culture of fear created by malpractice insurance. A topic of another time.
Specialist number 1: Total ASSHOLE. To start, he so unprofessional as to be loudly dictating notes about the client next to us so I knew all the specifics of our case … then he didn’t even LOOK at my child when examining him and was very cold … but moreover he pretty much told me that I was negligent for leaving Raymond uncircumcised because he would likely have kidney failure due to infections, that I was like his dumb Mexican clients for leaving him uncircumcised (I am biting back the fact that NO OTHER COUNRTY IN THE WORLD HAS ROUTINE CIRCUMCISION as a secular practice which was a part of our decision process) and then he recommends that I put Raymond on antibiotics for the FIRST YEAR of his life as a preventative measure to make sure there isn’t another infection. I won’t even go into the other blatantly racist actions by him and his staff towards Hispanic clients that I witnessed. I was so shocked by my experience there that I wrote a long letter to my pediatricians so they would be advised and consider if they wanted to make referrals to the doctor again.
The pediatricians passed my letter around and I got a call to apologize for the referral but also to state that they would like me to see someone else. There are about 10 doctors at my practice and they consulted and approx half felt I should put Raymond on antibiotics and a preemptive measure whereas the other half did not. I got the warning (my file was noted for their liability reasons I’m sure) and was referred to the big time pediatric urologist at Duke. Here we go AGAIN!
Specialist number 2: I got to Duke and Dr. Superspecialist looked at all of the images and records for Raymond and couldn’t figure out what exactly what the “irregularity” as the dilatation was well within “normal range.” He did say that it was good that I followed up to be certain. He also told me that unless there is a real serious irregularity he never recommends the use of preemptive antibiotics as the current studies show that it only helps 1 in 7 children whereas the rest of them still get bladder infections and also suffer the effects of being on long term antibiotics when there is no bad bacteria – basically totally voiding their immune systems and altering their bacterial flora for life. Exactly what I wanted to hear and what I knew to be true from all the research we did prior to making the “circumcision decision.”
Despite this report the way I was treated by the first doctor had left an inkling of guilt in my heart and soul that my baby boy could hurt or really be hurt by our decision not to circumcise. It is really pathetic that I have held onto it as I know so much about the benefits he will experience as a result. But the 1 in 100 statistic is very real and I have dutifully kept my eye on any fevers, had 1 extra catheter and held just a little bit of my breath in worry.
I should also admit, maybe for the first time, that part of my fear was not only for Raymond but for myself as I have been so vocal in our family and community about our decision that if Raymond had complications as a result I would have been wrong. And all those who stand in slight silent judgment of our decision would feel validated. Which is also ridiculous because it isn’t like he would have ever had a moment to had kidney damage as we have been so proactive in his care. But these are the worries you carry around as a mother.
5 ½ more days until one less worry …
Some background: Raymond is uncircumcised. I don’t really want to open this conversation up to debate about the “circumcision decision.” All I want to say is that Morgan and I did a lot of research and consultation which lead us to the decision not to circumcise and we are VERY pleased that we did not cosmetically and irrevocably alter our child.
But, despite our resolve, this decision was seconded guessed when Raymond got a bladder infection. This is the information I have --- DISCLAIMER, I am not a medical professional! --- Males under 1 year that are uncircumcised are more likely to get a bladder infection/UTI than circumcised males. Males that are uncircumcised that are older than 1 have almost no occurrence of bladder infections/UITs … among many other longer term benefits … here I am about to go off on my tangent … refocus. I think the statistic is that uncircumcised babies have 1 and 10,000 chance of getting an infection. However, after the first infection occurs, uncircumcised babies have 1 in 100 chance of getting a secondary infection (I am certain about the second statistic).
Okay, no big deal, right? Antibiotics will clear it up. That actually depends on who you ask. By the time the baby has a fever and you know there is an infection the bacteria has penetrated the kidneys and gotten into the blood stream, which could mean that your baby boy is at risk for kidney damage and or failure.
Why does the baby get the infection? Babies poop in diapers and before the foreskin retracts you cannot necessarily be 100% that you have gotten all of the poop out. A small particle of poop may get in the shaft and work its way back until it gets into the urinary tract and so forth. Additionally there may be other factors – such as urinary tract reflux – or other irregularities in the baby’s bladder and associated parts – that make the occurrence of a secondary infection more likely.
Back to our story: After we were properly diagnosed with the infection by our pediatrician we were referred to have some tests and imaging done of Raymond’s bladder, urinary tract, kidneys, etc. The main thing there were looking for was the reflux. We had an ultrasound done and then this terrible horrible dye/catheter/x-ray series done where there looked for the reflux. Raymond did not have any reflux BUT there was indication of a slightly dilated part of the uritar … dilated means it isn’t even narrowed! But the “abnormality” plus the fact that Raymond is uncircumcised meant that our pediatrician wanted us to see a specialist.
Side note: I love our thorough and thoughtful group of pediatricians but admittedly I am a little worn out on the culture of fear created by malpractice insurance. A topic of another time.
Specialist number 1: Total ASSHOLE. To start, he so unprofessional as to be loudly dictating notes about the client next to us so I knew all the specifics of our case … then he didn’t even LOOK at my child when examining him and was very cold … but moreover he pretty much told me that I was negligent for leaving Raymond uncircumcised because he would likely have kidney failure due to infections, that I was like his dumb Mexican clients for leaving him uncircumcised (I am biting back the fact that NO OTHER COUNRTY IN THE WORLD HAS ROUTINE CIRCUMCISION as a secular practice which was a part of our decision process) and then he recommends that I put Raymond on antibiotics for the FIRST YEAR of his life as a preventative measure to make sure there isn’t another infection. I won’t even go into the other blatantly racist actions by him and his staff towards Hispanic clients that I witnessed. I was so shocked by my experience there that I wrote a long letter to my pediatricians so they would be advised and consider if they wanted to make referrals to the doctor again.
The pediatricians passed my letter around and I got a call to apologize for the referral but also to state that they would like me to see someone else. There are about 10 doctors at my practice and they consulted and approx half felt I should put Raymond on antibiotics and a preemptive measure whereas the other half did not. I got the warning (my file was noted for their liability reasons I’m sure) and was referred to the big time pediatric urologist at Duke. Here we go AGAIN!
Specialist number 2: I got to Duke and Dr. Superspecialist looked at all of the images and records for Raymond and couldn’t figure out what exactly what the “irregularity” as the dilatation was well within “normal range.” He did say that it was good that I followed up to be certain. He also told me that unless there is a real serious irregularity he never recommends the use of preemptive antibiotics as the current studies show that it only helps 1 in 7 children whereas the rest of them still get bladder infections and also suffer the effects of being on long term antibiotics when there is no bad bacteria – basically totally voiding their immune systems and altering their bacterial flora for life. Exactly what I wanted to hear and what I knew to be true from all the research we did prior to making the “circumcision decision.”
Despite this report the way I was treated by the first doctor had left an inkling of guilt in my heart and soul that my baby boy could hurt or really be hurt by our decision not to circumcise. It is really pathetic that I have held onto it as I know so much about the benefits he will experience as a result. But the 1 in 100 statistic is very real and I have dutifully kept my eye on any fevers, had 1 extra catheter and held just a little bit of my breath in worry.
I should also admit, maybe for the first time, that part of my fear was not only for Raymond but for myself as I have been so vocal in our family and community about our decision that if Raymond had complications as a result I would have been wrong. And all those who stand in slight silent judgment of our decision would feel validated. Which is also ridiculous because it isn’t like he would have ever had a moment to had kidney damage as we have been so proactive in his care. But these are the worries you carry around as a mother.
5 ½ more days until one less worry …
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Whew, I'm almost there!
As we approach Raymond’s first birthday (10 days away) I am struck with many, many thoughts about motherhood and my experience but most notably I am damn proud of myself for breastfeeding exclusively for a year. I did it. Yes, I am tooting my own damn horn and I am not going to feel bad about it. Not only did I do it but I loved it. Breastfeeding created a bond from his first day of life that I believe will last for the rest of my life, and possibly beyond … although I’m not really up for a metaphysical discussion at the moment.
I have only 3 other friends who have accomplished exclusive breastfeeding for the first year. I have several friends whose lifestyles (social, work, personality) didn’t accommodate breastfeeding and even more who were unable to physically breastfeed at all or who could only breastfeed for a short time. I know that with strong parents these children love their moms and will be just fine! I do not mean to suggest that I am a better mother for having a year in.
My life HAS been controlled by being a food source, but honestly, I haven’t noticed. I have said to several expectant friends that it is just a choice, you decide to alter your routine to support breastfeeding and embrace it OR you feel overwhelmed and possibly resent it down the line.
I feel incredibly blessed to have physically feed Raymond for his first year. I DO plan to start the weaning process (I’m really still on demand, except for nursing to sleep as he got so many teeth so early) after his first birthday. My goal is to be done by 18 months. I am not driven to this date by feeling like he’ll be getting too old but more because I want to teach him to love food and eat! Too often when we get out of our routine I don’t worry about getting him a “meal” or “snack” because I know he is getting everything he needs from me still.
As Raymond has had 1 cold (viral), 1 ear infection (70% chance viral, 30% chance bacterial), 1 bladder infection (bacterial) and 1 hand food and mouth disease (viral). I certainly cannot say he has never been sick as a result of my breast milk. I have struggled with feeling like my milk isn’t as good as everyone else’s because he has gotten sick, despite being breastfed and at home. I had the idea that breast milk would create a shield against sickness and that isn’t true. But you ARE making a healthier child and able to comfort and hydrate them with a substance stronger than any antibiotic to help get well!
I have only 3 other friends who have accomplished exclusive breastfeeding for the first year. I have several friends whose lifestyles (social, work, personality) didn’t accommodate breastfeeding and even more who were unable to physically breastfeed at all or who could only breastfeed for a short time. I know that with strong parents these children love their moms and will be just fine! I do not mean to suggest that I am a better mother for having a year in.
My life HAS been controlled by being a food source, but honestly, I haven’t noticed. I have said to several expectant friends that it is just a choice, you decide to alter your routine to support breastfeeding and embrace it OR you feel overwhelmed and possibly resent it down the line.
I feel incredibly blessed to have physically feed Raymond for his first year. I DO plan to start the weaning process (I’m really still on demand, except for nursing to sleep as he got so many teeth so early) after his first birthday. My goal is to be done by 18 months. I am not driven to this date by feeling like he’ll be getting too old but more because I want to teach him to love food and eat! Too often when we get out of our routine I don’t worry about getting him a “meal” or “snack” because I know he is getting everything he needs from me still.
As Raymond has had 1 cold (viral), 1 ear infection (70% chance viral, 30% chance bacterial), 1 bladder infection (bacterial) and 1 hand food and mouth disease (viral). I certainly cannot say he has never been sick as a result of my breast milk. I have struggled with feeling like my milk isn’t as good as everyone else’s because he has gotten sick, despite being breastfed and at home. I had the idea that breast milk would create a shield against sickness and that isn’t true. But you ARE making a healthier child and able to comfort and hydrate them with a substance stronger than any antibiotic to help get well!
Babies Babies Everywhere!
We have dear friends all over the country with newborns. It is so wonderful to know that they are experiencing the pure JOY of becoming parents, or in some cases having their second child.
I was particularly touched when reading the birth story of Miss Esther Pearl Sasser Strom this morning. As Sabrina put it, I too have been " robbed me of a lot of innate confidence that I had previously held that my body would know how to have a baby."
All of the preparation that we did for a natural birth went out the window when my blood pressure started rising. I do not regret any of the decisions or care I received in Raymond's birth. But it has created a disconnect from my hopes for a natural birth and ultimately from my confidence as a woman. Reading about Esther's birth has helped me remember what I wanted to experience!
YAY Sabrina, Eric and Esther! Thank you for sharing your story.
I was particularly touched when reading the birth story of Miss Esther Pearl Sasser Strom this morning. As Sabrina put it, I too have been " robbed me of a lot of innate confidence that I had previously held that my body would know how to have a baby."
All of the preparation that we did for a natural birth went out the window when my blood pressure started rising. I do not regret any of the decisions or care I received in Raymond's birth. But it has created a disconnect from my hopes for a natural birth and ultimately from my confidence as a woman. Reading about Esther's birth has helped me remember what I wanted to experience!
YAY Sabrina, Eric and Esther! Thank you for sharing your story.
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