When I was pregnant I had many ideals about the kind of parent I wanted to be. I now know that you can’t plan for that sort of thing – nor can you plan before you know your child. One of the most important characteristics I wanted to embrace was attachment parenting – and I know that I have succeeded in that regard. Additionally, I wanted to be a parent that had a flexible lifestyle and schedule for my baby. However, there is a caveat to my idealism. In August (approx 7 months) we started to let Raymond “cry it out” and developed a regular schedule. Really, it sounds much worse than it is – I promise. Despite the fact that it has worked and I am a believer in the method, I am still embarrassed to say I did it as I was SO certain I wouldn’t be that kind of mom.
After we went on the Morgan’s family annual beach trip Raymond’s schedule totally changed. He would no longer nurse to sleep … or to nap … and I had NO idea how to go about getting him to bed or in a regular sleep pattern. After reading the books, talking to the doctors and talking to friends it became evident that the most successful practice is “crying it out.” No, I thought over and over, NO NO NO. I am not going to be that mom. We will work this out.
But the most obvious thing to go had to be night time nursing. To this day, unless we are traveling and comfort is needed, no baba to go to bed. I’m really glad we made that change so long ago. I also know his teeth have benefited greatly!
Finally I gave in to trying to let him cry. We developed a naptime/night time routine, wrote down the schedule and let him go. It is simple really – bedtime: bath, PJs, song, bedtime – naptime: wash hands, book, song naptime … Ah, I’m one of those parents! For about 2 weeks we really struggled with the routine. We would let him cry for up to 10 minutes (this is physically painful!) and then go in and comfort him … sometimes we would have to do it 2 or 3 times. But it worked.
Crying it out did not mean let him scream and wail in the crib and not comfort him. For us it meant developing a pattern and routine that we could all adjust to and live with. The hard part is the adjustment and you have to determine where your tolerance is in the process. I think if we had not started seeing GREAT results after 2 weeks I would have tried something else.
We’ve crossed time zones, gotten new teeth, gone out to dinner late and missed naps. I am not a total slave to the schedule and Raymond does adapt well. Soon he, sorry we, will face two more big changes – weaning from nursing (I’m going to start the process after his first birthday with the hope of having him totally off by 18 mo if not before) and transitioning to one a day nap. He is showing signs of getting ready for the big nap move but I’m hoping he’ll hold out for a bit longer.
I have to be willing to embrace the hard work associated with these upcoming transitions … willing to see him cry, willing to face frustration on all our parts. I’m not looking to push either transition. What I now know as a mother is that you can’t plan for ANYTHING but have to let your child’s needs guide you and meet them with educated and strong direction as they change. I’m really blessed to be at home (even when I’m working) to be a part of this process.
No comments:
Post a Comment