Reflection

I obviously haven't been good about blogging since we had Raymond. Honestly my hands have been pretty full getting used to the baby - I didn't want to put him down for the first week at all. And, moreover I have been a little messed up by the way our birth turned out. I think I am over it, but the first few weeks have been filled with a lot of tears and uncertainty as a result of having our "natural childbirth" go so un-natural. Before I move on from this point, which is one that I really hope not to revisit ever - well, at least until we have another baby and we have to decide what our plan will be, I would like to reach out to all of those who say "It doesn't matter how the birth turned out because you have a healthy baby." NOT TRUE. At the same time that I am filled with the greatest joy in my life, there is also a great sense of loss and I have had to allow myself the opportunity to feel those emotions. On some level I ultimately feel like a failure - on other levels I know the interventions we had were medically necessary and know in theory that is why they exist. My experience as a new parent has undoubtedly been effected by the birth experience - not my love for or "bonding" with Raymond, but a place inside of me has hurt. I am getting over it with the support of Morgan and the community we made through our Bradley classes and friends - but it is there. I hope that new moms everywhere know that it is okay to have feelings like this and they do get better. They do - but don't feel at fault for feeling sadness about your experience in the birth process. As a woman, as a mother - you have the right to have those feelings about what YOU went through - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And the future entries of this blog will be dedicated to my amazing son!

A Birth Story … or Novel… Raymond Arthur Vickery, born January 30, 2010 at 5:19 P.M.

I am not even sure when to begin this birth story as it feels like such a wild ride really over a week. On Monday night we had our last Bradley Class and left felling recharged and ready for labor. You were already 4 days past due and we had an early appointment with Dr. V. Your dad and I had a natural childbirth planned and I was very nervous about going to the doctor and discussing induction. Luckily your dad was able to clearly talk to Dr. V while I was nervous about our hopes and the induction time line and we secured a hospital appointment on February 4 so I would have more time to go into labor. It is really important to note this appointment as it left us feeling totally supported by our medical team, which ultimately got us through your birth!

I had a healthy pregnancy so waiting the full 42 weeks before inducing seemed safe and reasonable to everyone involved. The only mild concern was that my blood pressure had started to increase slightly over the past month.

On Friday we returned to the doctor’s office for a routine check and Non Stress Test. When the nurse was doing my vitals prior to meeting with Dr. Grana I noted that my blood pressure had spiked significantly just in 3 days. I had also suffered some serious nausea the night before which then meant that I had two signs of preeclampsia in a 24 hour range. As soon as Dr. Grana came into the room it became obvious that she was also concerned about this possibility. She did the exam and asked us to head on over to the hospital where we would start induction as soon as possible. At this point I was a fingertip dilated, approximately 70% effaced and you were in a -2 station.

Your dad and I took our time (as usual). Filled with excitement, we dilly dallied around with anticipation of your arrival! We went home to get our bags and set up the animals. We also talked to our parents and a couple of friends to let them know we were headed to the hospital. We stopped at Whole Foods to get some lunch from their hot bar and get some treats for the nurses. At 12:30 we finally checked into the hospital for induction.

As we were checked in and had all of the initial work done we quickly realized that the risk of preeclampsia was limiting our birth preferences. We knew that the Pitocin would require continuous fetal monitoring and a continuous IV, so we immediately requested a telemetry unit so we would have freedom of movement. However, due to the high blood pressure this request was denied and we learned that we would have to stay in the bed or within the immediate proximity of the bed, where I had to be seated, per my doctor’s orders. I had to not only be hooked up to the IV, but also to a blood pressure cuff for a reading every 30 minutes. Additionally, I was not allowed to labor in the bath or shower.

At 2:00 pm they started a low dose of Pitocin through an IV drip. We were getting a low dose to help protect you from being under too much stress and realized that we were in for a very long night. We projected that you might arrive in the wee hours of the morning on January 30.

I checked in with our afternoon nurse and learned that my blood tests came back positively and I did not appear to in fact be at risk for preeclampsia, which in my mind meant that as soon as our midwife got there I could get a new set of orders and have all of the restrictions listed above removed from our labor.

At 6:30 pm Mary Charles, the midwife on call for my labor came over to the hospital and inserted the Foley Blub, the second part of my induction procedure. The Foley Bulb was put into the tip of my cervix and air and fluid was blown into a balloon to manually force my cervix open. Once the bulb was put in your dad and I anxiously were waiting for labor to start and to use all of our Bradley techniques! We had oils, tennis balls, rice socks, etc lined up and ready to go just as soon as things really got moving. Mary Charles was also ready and planned to spend the night to support us through the labor and delivery. At this point I was not able to ask her about lifting the restrictions as she had to run off to another labor, but knew we could discuss it when she got back.

At 7:00 there was a shift change and the first of many amazing nurses came into our life. Apparently at shift change they took requests for who wanted to work the natural birth and Kristen volunteered. As a successful mother of 2 natural births she came into our room with a positive, supportive attitude and ready advised us through the process.

My Foley Bulb came out at approx 9:30 pm and there was a lot of blood. The nurse that assisted Kristen in taking it out checked me and told us that we had made it to 3 cm of dilation. I had only felt a couple of contractions, which I would not categorize as severe. I was starting to feel very lucky about my pain management skills and thought we were moving right along.

Not long after the bulb came out Mary Charles came back into check on us. She came in ready to have “a talk” with us about our options. I, on the other hand, thought she was coming in to tell us how great we were doing and lift all the restraints on my movement, etc. As soon as she sat down I advised that I understood I was cleared from my blood tests and would like a telemetry unit and to be able to move around. She looked at me frankly and told me that I was borderline on the blood tests and my blood pressure was still running really high. She continued to advise us that we needed to discuss what our options would be in hard labor if my blood pressure was spiking. She said she would recommend either an Epidural or a dose of Magnesium Sulfate to bring my blood pressure down.

Your dad and I asked her to explain what the risks to the baby and to the mom if my blood pressure “spiked” and what the Magnesium Sulfate was. We learned that you and I were at risk for seizure due to the blood pressure increase. Additionally, Mag Sulfate is a nervous system drug given to prevent seizures. We were advised that the Mag Sulfate is safe for the baby but required more recovery time and monitoring for the mom, who would suffer many side effects. We had not heard of Mag Sulfate before and did not like the way it was described to us.  Mary Charles presented us with this information so we would have time to consider it calmly and not in the heat of the moment, which I really appreciated. She also said as my blood pressure had been going down little by little over the past few hours she felt comfortable allowing me to continue on our natural birth plan.

And so we did … for the next several hours. It was snowing outside and we had a few of the courtyard where the snow was accumulating. Your dad turned off the lights and I sat on the birthing ball rocking back and forth to make it seem like I was walking and watched the snow fall while he played me the guitar. I was feeling slight cramping and the monitor was registering contractions. We felt that we were making great progress especially when my body temp started dropping and I got very nauseous for about 30 minutes. Kristen decided to check me at about 2:00 am after my stomach calmed down and we were all confident that we would be pleased! She checked me and as I looked at her face I knew we were not as far along as hoped. She marked me down as 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced and -2 station. Obviously a disappointing result, especially after being on Pitocin for 12 hours. Mary Charles and Kristen suggested that we go off the Pitocin, sleep for a few hours and start again in the morning. Additionally, Mary Charles advised that she was not comfortable breaking my waters because the baby was sitting so high. She planned to consult with Dr. Toma in the morning and said if he was comfortable doing it then it would make sense to kick in labor.

At 6:45 a.m. on January 30 Dr. Toma came in and checked me and broke my bag of waters. We learned that there was mecomium in my fluid, which means that you had had your first bowel movement inside of me and is a possible sign of distress. Mary Charles assured us that as there were no other signs of irregularity on your heart monitor we shouldn’t worry about the maconium. Pitocin started back up again at 7:00 and we said goodbye to Kristen, our sweet nurse and advocate, as we moved on to a third shift of nurses for our labor. Her parting words to us were to make sure I changed position as much as possible.

I immediately started to feel contractions. They did not hurt terribly, but required that I move around. Mary Charles let me move around as much as I wanted in the room as long as the heart monitor was working and my blood pressure was low. We lucked out AGAIN and had a wonderful nurse, Peggy, come in to work with us. Peggy came in full time and was monitoring my blood pressure, contractions, etc as well as providing awesome advice on positions in the kindest possible way. During the next 3 to 4 hours your dad and I danced together, he rocked back and forth in the rebozo, I got up and down on all fours while he massaged me and so forth. All and all I was finding the pain very manageable with the techniques we learned in birthing class as well as some good music! As long as I was moving, I never felt like the pain got more than a 5 or 6 rating on a 10 point pain scale. However, as the morning progressed I tried to sit or lie down a couple of times to try to get comfortable and preserve my strength. I found that I could not lie down or be still – then the pain became much more intense and I was unable to manage it. At 11:00 am I was checked and they found I was at 5 cm, 80% effaced and -2 station. We were so excited! You were on your way!

Peggy made the suggestion that I sit all the way up and let your dad massage my feet while we listen to music to help me get some rest. We listened to some Garcia/Grisman bluegrass and I went into a trance. I could feel the contractions coming on like a wave, but would get lost in a song and forget about them – then I would feel like your dad was pulling the pain right out of me when he would rub my feet. It was amazing! Eventually the album ended and my trance was broken and I got up and started moving around again.

Peggy kept asking me to rate my pain and I never said I was feeling more than a 6. As long as I could sway my hips in by dancing with your dad, make low, groaning breaths or be in the rebozo I was feeling good. At about 1:45 I started to feel pressure on my back and my pain level increased. Your dad started to use the tennis balls on my counter pressure point in my back with great success.

At this point I looked over and started to realize that my blood pressure was reading pretty high. First I noticed top numbers in the 150s and bottom numbers in the 90s – not that I know what those numbers mean exactly. I just knew they were high. Peggy looked a little worried and suggested that I sit down again. With the new pressure in my back it was impossible for me to get comfortable sitting or lying down. The pain suddenly jumped to an 8 or 9 on the 10 point scale when I was down. So, I of course jumped back up! At this same time I saw that my blood pressure was reading something like 169/120 – which is very dangerously high! Peggy said I had to sit down and I asked her to get Mary Charles as I was becoming frightened.

Mary Charles came into the room and said that she needed to check me and that I had to sit or lie down for a while and bring my blood pressure back down. I tried to take her direction, but sitting was too painful. She checked me at approximately 2:30 pm and I was 6 cm, 90% effaced and -2 station. I tried to get up after the exam and she told me that I really could not. My blood pressure had gotten really high (somewhere along here it was 200/95 (ish)) and it was time to discuss the epidural and/or Mag Sulfate for treatment.

I was so frustrated and in so much pain from sitting down I kept trying to put the conversation off my tricking my way into getting to stand up by claiming I had to use the bathroom. Neither your dad nor Mary Charles were letting me get away with any of these tricks. Your dad started trying to coach me through transition as he thought my irrationality and the new intensity of labor clearly indicated I was in this phase. He told Mary Charles and Peggy that is where he thought I was and how he wanted to help get me through it as we had planned. They both disagreed with his thought that I was in transition due to my progress (or lack thereof) and more notably the position of the baby.

I was sort of aware of their conversation around me but concentrating harder on trying to transcend the pain. I kept thinking that I just had to get through it, and kept trying to get off of the bed to do that. Finally I realized that when I was getting off of the bed my blood pressure was increasing a great deal and I was seeing a lot of spots whenever I sat up or pretty much opened my eyes. I remembered our conversation the night before about seizures and looked and Mary Charles and asked her to get the epidural. I immediately became so embarrassed and unhappy in my decision. I felt like your dad would never forgive me and like I had caved in and was already failing to be the mother I wanted to be for you. At this point I let my emotions totally take over and started crying about being a failure and begging your dad to forgive me. Both he and Mary Charles tried to calm me down and repeatedly told me I was not failing, that I was making a medical decision based on facts and need. I still could not hear them and continued to get more and more upset until they had to sedate me with Stadol.

As I got the shot Mary Charles said I would feel like I had one too many margaritas in a few minutes and then we would get the epidural. I was already thinking about ways to avoid the epidural and it occurred to me that the Stadol might be all I needed to get my blood pressure down. I laid back into the bed on my side and your dad wrapped his arms around me and I fell totally asleep.

When I started to wake up I felt the back pain and thought I was at home, waking up in bed with your dad in the early phases of labor. I got out of bed looking for Cooper to let him out and to start moving around to see if I was really in labor. Your dad got up and slowly brought me back to reality and I started to realize where I was and what had just happened. I started to suddenly be at peace with my choice and knew it was the right thing to do considering all the factors and our end goal – a healthy baby and a healthy mom.

I was pretty out of it when I got the epidural. Directly after they put in a catheter for my bladder and a catheter to monitor the contractions inside my uterus. Mary Charles explained that they wanted to monitor the contractions to see how effective they were being. Peggy said she needed to see how big they were from the inside to figure out the right dose of Pitocin to get the baby moving out. They asked that I go to sleep while they got a read on where I was. When I fell asleep I knew Peggy had turned the Pitocin up from a dose of 2 to a dose of 10 (20 being the highest dose). Your dad took a little break and went out to talk to his parents and get a snack. I woke up just a few minutes later to Peggy, Mary Charles and another nurse, Ann, talking in whispered tones and looking at the print out from the external monitor. I pretended to still be asleep to see if I could pick up on what they were saying and learned that I was contracting every minute and that there was no resultant progress in dilation or effacement. Additionally, they had noted a slight irregularity on the heart monitor every so often, indicating that the baby was probably in some kind of distress.

I made it clear that I was awake and asked for a report on the status and was relieved that Peggy and Mary Charles disclosed all of their whispers to me openly. Mary Charles also made me aware of something that I had missed over the past two days – the baby had not moved down at all. Every check from Friday morning with Dr. Grana to the last check that afternoon found the baby’s head to be at -2 station. Mary Charles also said it was molded, a word I had started to pick up on throughout the day on Saturday but had not really been concerned about. Apparently the baby’s head was not going to fit through the birth canal at its current position and nothing we had down over the past 2 days was affecting that position. Suddenly not only was I doped up, lying down but I also had to talk about a c-section, the number one intervention I wanted to avoid. About this time I looked over and realized that they had taken me off of the Pitocin and Mary Charles had already called Dr. Toma so that he would be ready to do the section.

Unlike the decision to get the epidural, getting the c-section with the facts in front of me was an easy choice. You were showing multiple signs of distress, the placenta was getting old, my waters were broken, I was not dilating even on a high dose of Pitocin … the list goes on. But most fundamentally, your head would not move out.

Your dad came back into the room to check on me and I updated him on the new status. He seemed surprised, terrified and relieved all at the same time. Twenty minutes later I was being wheeled into the OR and approximately an hour later you entered our world.

Your birth was a wild ride! Your dad and I came together and got through it, creating one of the most amazing experiences of our lives. Thank you for putting up with 29 hours of labor and greeting us with so much joy! We can’t wait for a whole lifetime of adventures with you, Raymond Arthur Vickery.

Bradley Class 12 (again)

Morgan and I went back to our Bradley class last night, despite the fact that I went to the last class in the previous series and I am so glad we did! For several reasons. (1) I totally wasn't prepared for the breast feeding class 14 weeks ago so I got a lot more out of it this time around. (2) We had a lactation consultant, a Le Leche League leader and a PhD candidate in nutrition all come to talk to us about breast feeding so it was VERY INFORMATIVE. (3) The dinner/pot luck party a a great way to chat and really feel connected to the community around the class and feel like we have a support system going forward. (4) Morgan got to practice diapering and swaddling a baby doll, which was pretty much the cutest thing ever.

OKAY, now I just need to go into labor!

Bradley Class 11

As you may recall, if you have been following my Bradley blogging, that this is really class 12 for me as I took the last class on breast feeding first due to my due date. I am not sure if we will go again next week - obviously the first reason not to go would be because Thriller has arrived (please please please please) and the second being that I have already taken the class. We would really like to come because it is a party and to end our "journey" with the 8 couples we have been taking the class with for the past several months

The intersection of people interested in the Bradley method creates a very unique class dynamic. There are those who are older, quiet and more reserved, younger liberal looking couples, couples where the husbands are just there because the wife wants to do natural birthing and others couples where the husband is just as engaged (maybe too engaged?) in the process as the wife and so forth. All and all a pretty socially awkward scene. By the end of 12 weeks, however, we might not know each other's last names but we have broken down a lot of barriers and formed a loose community of first time parents stepping out into the next, amazing phase of life.

Last night we had a couple who took the last series and currently have an adorable 11 week old baby boy come and share their birth experience. I was very moved by their story and dedication. Throughout the course of their pregnancy they did not believe they would be able to have a vaginal birth because the mom had a low placenta. But she was totally dedicated to the hope that the placenta would move and she would be able to give her baby a natural birth. She took all the classes and prepared herself and her husband with no rational reason to think she would be able to have a natural birth - just hope. And low and behold just weeks before her due date her placenta shifted simply 3 cn which enabled her to realize the joy of birthing.

In class last night she said she felt very blessed to be able to experience the process of giving birth to their child as her body was made, something that would have been robbed of her if she had been forced into a c-section for this birth and thus for any future children they might have.

Wow, right? What a statement - what a story - so much strength and faith is show in this woman and her husband that they did not give up on their birthing experience. I know I feel inspired.

Bradley Class 10

This was an awesome class! We reviewed the second stage of labor and had an experienced doula come and show us tricks for massage and how to use a REBOZO - which I think is going to be a MAJOR BONUS in labor. The rebozo is a Birthing Shawl/Sling/Burial Cloth for women to use from Mexico. In labor it is wrapped around the mom like a hammock and she can lean into it, taking the weight off of her and let her coach/husband/doula rock her hips back and forth. It can also be wrapped around the belly and head for other relief. The doula used me (and my big Thriller belly) to demonstrate how to use the rebozo and then we all practiced with twin sheets - as we might not all be able to order the rebozos from Mexico. Morgan's immediate thought was, of course, that we needed to find an authentic store that carries various cultural trinkets like the rebozo in town and buy our own handmade shawl from Mexico to cherish and use in the future (would also be a good sling as I don't have one yet). This attitude is hands down one of the things I love the most about my husband. Unfortunately we have yet to identify such a store and will likely be using the twin sheet at the hospital which will work just fine.

We also practiced on the birthing ball, used rice socks and tennis balls for counter pressure and learned various massage techniques. Morgan learned lots and I am sure will remember it all.

We had a couple join us who are about to have their second child and were just popping in for a refresher on Bradley and they were great to meet and hear positive stories from. She was induced with pitocin but did not use any drugs and said it really wasn't that bad - but she didn't have anything to compare it too. Great attitude.

All and all a wonderful and practical class with lots of good tips on what we need to do! I had a contraction in the middle of the class and am not sure that I am going to make it to next week - Thriller could be joining us anytime now. Come on Thriller!

Doctor Doctor!

Yesterday morning I woke up with a cramping sensation at the top of my ribcage and got a little excited and confused, as I expected such a sensation to happen much lower in my abdomen. When Morgan came home from a morning appointment we had to remind ourselves that if I was, in fact, showing signs of pre-labor that it could go on for weeks before anything major happened. Luckily we had an appointment with Triangle OBGYN at 1:50 so we knew we could get a clear answer.

The philosophy at Triangle is not to start checking you via vaginal exams until 39 weeks (unlike some doctors who start checking you weekly at 36 weeks). I agree wholeheartedly with this standard of care and having as few vaginal exams as possible for many reasons. However, yesterday due to my cramping the Dr. Grana did check me and I have to admit that I liked the feedback of knowing where I am in the process. She was very gentle and I did not feel like I was at any risk of ruptured membranes, etc which helped too. (I was actually expecting the exam to be much more uncomfortable than it was - but I think that it was a woman, Morgan was there and more importantly that we have been doing the perineal massage helped!)

Anyway, drum roll please, I am not dilated at all but my cervix is thinning and the baby is starting move move down in station. These are the perfect signs for 38 weeks! On one hand I have been anxiously expecting to have the baby a little early as so many of my first time mom friends have had that experience in the past year or so - but on the other hand I know that it is best for Thriller to stay inside me until he/she reaches term.

This is all well and good as my mother is snowed in and there is no way she could be here for the next week - which would be very sad! Maybe in addition to being warm inside Thriller knows he/she needs to wait for the artic storm to pass throguh the south so he/she can meet Grandmama.

Next week I'll be getting a massage that hits on some inducement points and I have started taking Evening Primrose on the advice of one of our midwifes to help make sure I don't go over term. Triangle will let me go 10 days (maybe a couple more) over 40 weeks - but I really hope we don't have to get to that point. (a) Thriller will be massive as he/she keeps gaining about a pound a week and (b) induction/intervention is definitely not in line with natural birthing.

In other Thriller news - there has been a lot of movement! The baby was all on my left side, head down, rear up (just the way they need to be!) but on Monday night he/she flipped over - so now they are still head down, rear up, but cradled on my right side. Thriller is so big that I could see this drastic movement (not to mention FEEL) through several layers of clothes and Morgan's XXL Carhartt hoodie (which is my current clothing option of preference). Crazy. Yesterday we went for a walk around Lake Johnson after the doctor's appt and I experienced 2 Braxton-Hicks contractions from the walk - they were about 14 minutes apart - so my body is getting ready! Hooray!

Bradley Classes 8 & 9

Monday night touched on some very interesting topics concerning the postpartum experience as well as providing advanced review of the first phase of labor.

I was not thrilled to learn that the bleeding after a vaginal birth can last for up to 6 weeks - it just caught me totally off guard. Additionally, we learned about the blood clots - apparently if they come out of me at the size of a plum or smaller it is cool, but larger than a lemon need to call the doctor. My question is what kind of plum or lemon are we talking about here? There are many lemons that are equal in size to plumbs ... right? We saw some pictures of the clots and it freaked me out a bit - but I do feel much better prepared having had the experience and class.

(Moreover, I am not totally stoked on the reintroduction of Maxi Pads into my life. It has been a long, long time. Ladies, I know you understand.)

The most important postpartum lesson we learned was not to over do it in the weeks following the birth. I know that is going to be a challenge for me as I always have so much that I want to do, and apparently I have a type A personality where I like things done my way (who knew?) - my friend Lindsay just had a baby and she advised that she pushed it a little too hard at first and really had to step back. Hopefully I can take this advice and take care of myself and Thriller. I know we will have help from our family in the first few days, and I am honestly the most excited about having Phil (my brother in law) around to help because he will come to the table with nothing other than the intention of trying to make things easy and happy with us and no preconceived notions on how we should be doing things. Its funny how that works out, I want him to come like the minute I start having contractions which I never honestly would have thought was what I wanted. We are working out a list of other things we will need help with to share with our moms when the time is right and Morgan's Uncle Ken and Aunt Mary Lou, who are local, are primed and ready to be on call as needed, as well as our dear friends Chrissie and Graham who actually have way more baby experience than we do as they have nieces and nephews. Not to mention countless remote support systems of friends and most notably Morgan's Aunt Carol who knows all things baby and has already been an amazing resource and advocate for us. We are pretty lucky I believe.

All I have to do is let go and let all these people help us. Say a little prayer to help me get there :)

Review of the first phase of labor was awesome because Morgan missed the introduction in class 5. I think we are totally ready. I'm a little spent from the holidays and having company, etc - and have a bit of a list to get through. So, in a perfect world I'd like Thriller to give me about another week to get ready and rested. Will see :)

Before the holidays we had a realistic and disturbing Bradley Class 8 - we learned about the c-section. I don't want one, but if I need it what can you do? I was, however, disturbed by the video of a live c-section and to learn that they take your uterus OUT of your body and clean it and then reinsert it after the baby is born. AH! Hopefully we won't have to cross that bridge, although I am reassured to know that my OB is an old Deadhead, so IF we have to go into the OR at least we might be able to have some good tunes to keep us mellow.

Strepococcus Agalactiae - Group B Strep - GBS

In the world of information and modern medicine you would think that women and men everywhere would know about Group B Strep and its effect on pregnant women - more importantly its effect on delivery. But alas, this symptomless bacteria goes unmentioned in women's health education until you become pregnant. Then you start picking up on clues - mentions of what to expect in doctors visits, pregnancy books, childbirth education classes.

Today I know that 43% of women carry GBS in their vagina and/or anus. The bacteria is different than Strep Throat. It is not an STD or otherwise a transmittable bacteria - it is just something you pick up along the way that is consistently becoming more prevalent, or at least awareness has increased, in our society. For example, books published 10 years ago state that 1 in 4 women have it whereas yesterday I learned that the most current statistic is 43% of women carry it. And yes, I also learned that I have Group B Strep growing in my vagina.

It sounds terrible and gross, right? Actually not really gross? It is symptomless unless you have certain autoimmune diseases or are getting chemo - then it might become a problem in the everyday life of a woman.

But when you are having a baby it becomes a big damn deal, and so it should. The knowledge of GBS has identified the cause of many health problems with newborns, such as fever, breathing problems, seizures, limpness/stiffness, heart rate and blood pressure abnormalities, poor feeding, sepsis, pneumonia, meningitis and sometimes death.

So what does this mean?

Between 35 and 37 weeks you get tested for group B strep. They don't do it earlier because it is so easy to catch that they need to check at the very end. If you have it then you have to get an IV of antibiotics every 4 hours for approx 20 minutes throughout your labor. The bacteria grows so fast that they have to keep giving you antibiotics - but at least they no longer make you be on an IV the whole time. As a result, I now have to have a needle in my arm, something that we had hoped to avoid. This also means we have to go to the hospital a little earlier (we were going to wait until contractions were 3 minutes apart but now we have to do 5 minutes apart) and we have to stay in the hospital for approx 2 days so that the baby can be monitored to be sure they don't develop any complications from the bacteria. We had hoped to leave the hospital much earlier, but alas we will be there for a couple of days now to make sure Thriller is okay.

In Bradley they continuously tell you that Healthy Moms Have More Options - which is true - and now my options are limited by a bacteria that I did nothing to contract and didn't even know existed prior to being pregnant. In reality we are blessed to know what GBS is, know that I have it, and be in a place in the world where we can take preventative measures to protect Thriller from it. But I feel dirty and like I am already doing something that puts my child at risk so I feel terribly guilty too! I can only come to the conclusion that these feelings are the result of a lack of information about GBS. I think we should talk about it more and be more educated about the bacteria as a society rather than slipping it in like a dirty little secret that puts your unborn child at risk when you are pregnant.

I have to get over my disappointment in the diagnosis and move on - and likely this is a good exercise for me to go through prior to delivery as I am sure there will be other bumps in the road that deviate from our ideal birth plan. Needles, early admission, later discharge. Not that big of a deal, I can still move around, get in the tub, and generally do everything just as we have planned. And we have information to protect Thriller. That is what is most important.

Parent's Right to Choose?

(Preface: As I start to frame this blog entry in my mind, I KNOW that as compared to other countries around the world Morgan and I are extremely blessed in the technology and wide range of birthing options available to us in the United States. I just want to put that out there before I express my frustrations.)

I thought I was keenly aware of regulation of my body. I grew up in a pro-choice home, have an undergraduate concentration in Women's Studies and am very well versed on the history of regulation of women's bodies and sexuality by laws and social norms around the world. All of this background did not, however, prepare me for the laws, hospital regulations and variations of standards of care surrounding the birth process and having a child.

Over the course of my pregnancy I have lived in California, Virginia and North Carolina (where we are settled). We have been planning a natural childbirth from the start, but finding the location for our birth has presented complications along the way.

If we were still in California, I would be having a water birth at home with a midwife. There it is legal and our insurance would have covered the entire cost (which would have been much less for them, like a total of $3,000). As the home birth midwifes in California are legally admissible to the hospital, if there were complications my midwife would go with me and continue to be my primary care provider. Additionally, as midwifes are legally licensed in California they bring oxygen tanks, pitocin for the afterbirth, general anesthesia for repair and other necessary items into your home to provide the same medical care you would get in the hospital.

In Virginia I was introduced to the reality that in some states there are two kinds of midwifes, those who do home births, who are not admissible to the hospital, and those who do hospital births. In the hospital birth scenario the midwife does not give you the individualized care of a traditional midwife-patient relationship, but rather operates with multiple patients at a time, providing quick and unpersonalized care (I am sure there are some exceptions here, but generally this is the case).

Even after exposure to Virginia, I mistakenly assumed that North Carolina would be one of the liberal states and that I would have the same options as I did in California for birthing location. (Note that the states have an approx 50/50 split regarding home birth and midwife legality.) Our first choice was the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill. This birthing center provided the safety of being in a "facility" which we felt was an important concession to make to our parents, and also provided a place where I could have a water birth which was my top choice for birthing method. My mother in law said early on that I should consider the fact that the success rate at the Birth Center is contingent on the fact that they only accept a very specific group of patients with low risks. I didn't want to listen, and assumed that I would be low risk - no problems, low blood pressure, no reasons for concern - but alas, when I finally got around to submitting my records they did not accept me as a patient because my BMI was too high for their guidelines. Please note that they never even examined me! I cannot even tell you how it felt to be told that I was too fat to have Thriller there. I was devastated.

At this point I was hitting 6 1/2 months pregnant, moving to a new town, no contacts, and no clue what to do. I cried a lot - and Morgan got online and started researching options. Home birth had been our initial choice, and in the absence of the birthing center, seemed like our best option. Additionally, we really wanted a water birth and hospitals in North Carolina will not let you have a water birth! You can labor in the tub but not have the baby in it.

Little did we know that we are now living in one of the most conservative states regulating home birth! It is not illegal for us to have a baby at home, but it is illegal for any medical provider to attend the home birth. There is an underground group of providers that will help you, but their names are not disclosed and if you go to the hospital not only will they not be admitted, but you can also not disclose who was there without exposing them to loosing their license or arrest! We have the SAME INSURANCE as we had in California, but given the laws in North Carolina we would have to pay out of pocket for the home birth. Not to mention that any provider who would attend the birth would not have insurance. Additionally, I am just not comfortable with an underground midwife bringing pharmaceutical supplies and drugs into my home. I don't think it should be illegal for her to have them or administer them - but when it comes to the birth of my child, I want to make sure that the best legal alternatives are around.

Assuming risk by employing civil disobedience, despite my liberalism, is not appropriate when it comes to having a baby.

Luckily my Bradley instructor made a great recommendation for Triangle OBGYN (doctor/midwife practice, very natural birth friendly) and Wake Med Cary (10 minutes away from our house, also very natural birth friendly) - and generally I am happy. The parents are happy and I do not feel like I need to go into the birth with my defenses up.

Despite the fact that I have found a good doctor/midwife practice and am having Thriller in a very progressive hospital I still find my mind wandering back to extreme frustration! It is my body and Morgan and I's child growing inside of it! Shouldn't we be in charge of how it comes into the world? It is SO MUCH safer to bring home birth above ground where it can be legal than have it occur behind closed doors with a hush hush attitude.

Here are some other ways my body and Thriller have been regulated thus far, I'm sure there are more to come:

Testing:

Simply being pregnant and receiving medical care opens me up to having legally required testing for transmittable diseases at the beginning and at the end of my pregnancy. Is there good reason for this, of course! If I have HIV they must know. If I contract HIV they must know prior to delivery as a c-section is required to protect the child. Moms may sleep around, fathers do cheat, etc - But nonetheless I am subject to body regulation without any choice.

But here is the kicker - they test me for every STD in the book prior to delivery but still the law requires that Thriller get an eye ointment to prevent blindness in case I have gonorrhea after birth. Doesn't it make MORE since to not do an unnecessary procedure and preserve the resource if they already know I don't have it? Really?

Alcohol & Drugs:

If I disclosed to my doctor that I was still drinking, or simply said I had ever smoked pot or used illegal street drugs, I would be subjected to routine drug testing, the law there applies to the doctor's responsibility, but it is still my body! In some cases women are even forced to meet with a probation officer and counselor like someone on parole! All this does is make it so women cannot trust their doctors and will not disclose their history to them, which is a real shame. This is not to say that an active drug user should not be subject to testing and counseling - but to be routinely tested after simply saying something like "I smoked pot in college" is a gross over extension of concern.

Vaccinations:

Vaccinations bring up a whole other debate. I have never felt so pressured or truly controlled and violated as I did the day I received my H1N1 vaccine. Was it the safe thing for me to do? Probably. But the CDC issued a statement that said ALL DOCTORS had to advise me to do it, binding their liability, and I honestly do not know that I will ever feel that I had a chance at getting the complete picture. Not to mention that both my mother and mother in law were extremely clear in their belief that I should get the vaccine which added genuine, loving pressure.

And then their are the concerns for the child's vaccines. Again, the CDC presents a schedule and the doctors have a liability issue if they do not follow it. I don't honestly have a problem with vaccines but I do have a problem with the set schedule and doctors who will not modify it based on the patent's (aka MY CHILD'S) needs. And, in some states, I have a serious problem with the addition of vaccines to the schedule.

I know that state and federal regulations governing pregnant women and children were put into place to protect the child. I know that extreme negligence and risky behavior endangers children and we (the collective society) need to protect them from their parents sometimes. But where is the line?

I believe that our society would benefit MORE from having parent education classes and giving parents the right to choose what is best for their birth plan and child. By taking the responsibility away from the parents and letting the state dictate regulation to protect the child from the moment pregnancy is realized we have taken away an integral part of preparing to be a parent.

I had a dear friend say to me last weekend that she had no idea that she had options, she thought you just went and did what the doctor told you to do. This prevalent understanding of your role in medical care in birthing in our society is so damaging to the parents! Have some ownership! Be an active participant! This is YOUR CHILD! Even if you choose to elect a c-section, take all the drugs offered, etc - OWN IT. Educate yourself and your partner to make smart decisions.

Morgan and I are obviously on the educated side, and as it is our nature, we question state regulations. I hope that we make good educated decisions for our child, and believe that we have in choosing health care providers and in constructing our birth plan thus far. I also hope that we can legally have our next child at home and have freedom to choose what is best for us and our family.

Bradley Class 7

I have to say that I feel particularly lucky to have a Bradley instructor who is dedicated to presenting a fair, complete picture of the birth process. I know the course has a reputation of having instructors who are very harsh about the expectation of natural childbirth. In this weeks class we went down the list of procedures, drugs, choices, etc so that we can write our birth plan. It was a culmination of lots of the little bits of information we have gathered so far.

Laura suggested that we start off by loosing the idea of a "birth plan" because there is no way to plan your birth. Rather than we entitle the document "birth preferences" and really get it into our head that that is all it is - preferences. What we can do is be educated about our options to ask the right questions should we need intervention, etc and know what our preferences are. Otherwise you are pretty much setting yourself up for a feeling of disappointment or failure if you deviate from your plan - which will almost certainly happen.

I have been waiting to get my B-Strep test next week before writing my "birth plan" as it will make a significant difference in when we go to the hospital, if I need and IV port, and how long we have to stay. But now that I am thinking about it, maybe I'll go ahead and draft my "birth preferences" knowing that it might change.

Morgan and I were also charged with getting packed for the hospital in the next week or so! By the time I hit 36 weeks our instructor suggests that we should be ready to go! We have a checklist and I am SO NOT ready to go based on its recommendations. I'm still trying to think of a way to sneak Cooper into the hospital - probably not the most realistic thing for me to be focusing on :)

Bradley Class 6

Transition > Pushing > Baby in Arms

In this weeks class we discussed transition and the second stage of labor. I must admit that I was surprised to learn about the drastic changes in body temperature and mood that occur in the transition phase. Also, transition is the phase where women most often give into pain medication - which is arguably too bad because you are so close! I haven't been there so I don't know ... but we have some pointers to get me through without caving into the epidural.

• Ask for an IV of fluid (assuming you are not already on one), take the whole IV and get checked BEFORE asking for the epidural. The IV can speed things along significantly and get you through the scary phase without caving into the drugs.
• Relaxation techniques: Needs will have totally changed from the first phase of labor, coach will need to remember that he needs to adjust.
  
• Remember: More often than not, transition only lasts 30 minutes - Anyone can do 30 minutes!
  

I was also surprised to learn that I should actually listen to the coaching from the nurses, doctor and/or midwife when pushing to prevent tearing. I don't know why this caught me off guard ... I guess I just assumed that they were looking out for the baby and if you were going to tear you just tore. I have read a lot about the perineum and know that working with (not against) its elasticity will prevent tearing in birth - but it just didn't occur to me that someone from the outside might be able to help me strategize during pushing. It is VERY good to know as I might have just had the screw you I'm doing what my body is telling me to do attitude otherwise.

The inevitable POOP: I was already prepared for the reality of pooping when pushing from reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Luckily Morgan read this too and we had already joked about it. Also, luckily, we do not have a relationship where discussion or the reality of such things is considered taboo. In class this week the reality of the POOP was discussed - and it seems most of my classmates are also going to be able to face this fact. I have had friends who were so mortified by the POOP that they got down to the wire and wouldn't push due to the fear of their husbands knowing or seeing such a terrible thing.

Let me be clear, I'm not excited about this being a part of the birth process, but it is what it is. And it gets taken care of immediately by the staff who are caring for you. And hopefully Morgan will never know - and if he does I know he'll love me anyway and never bring it up. So if you are reading this and POOP is taboo in your life, I recommend facing it now! Besides, POOP will be even more of a reality in our lives after Thriller comes I am sure.

RING OF FIRE: Apparently right before the baby comes you become so hot that you literally will feel like you need to back up off of a heat source at the birth canal. This is often referred to as the "Ring of Fire" and the best way to get through it is to just remember - you're moments away from having your baby in your arms!

I like that part the most. Can't go through the pain, can't go around it - but just go through the ring of fire and meet your child. I think I can handle that!

Bradley Class 5

Last night I went to our Bradley class solo, as Morgan is back in California for work. It will be his last work trip for some time, at least until a month after the birth and I am really secretly hoping for April. He is of course following it up with a trip to the Sierras for the weekend, where God willing there will be some snow for him to work out a little of his ski itch.

Back to Bradley. It was the best class yet! At least the most informative as we actually started talking about labor and what we (mom and coach) will need to do up until transition. Not the best class for Morgan to miss - but Laura, our instructor, gave us a DVD for him to watch and I took serious notes - which were of course typed up and emailed to him earlier today - with all the most important parts in bold.

As I am not a scientific person, much of what we learned yesterday that was most interesting to me was about "effacement" - I am now certain that the uterus is the most amazing organ in the body. Muscle literally moves from the front where it is protecting the baby to the back of the uterus to give your more strength to the baby out. Amazing. Wow. Body is amazing. This information, as well as a very visual images of my cervix dilating to 10 cm (about the size of a grocery store bagel) are going to help me tremendously in labor. While I am not a scientific person, I am very visual and I know focusing on images of what is happening inside me will help me get through the contractions.

We also learned about the 3-2-1 rule, which suggests that unless we have an accelerated progression, we wait until the contractions are 3 minutes apart, lasting at least 1 minute for at least 2 hours before going to the hospital. I think this will be key to my stamina - to stay at home as long as possible. While I was initially disappointed with the fact that we are not going to be in a birthing center, the close proximity to the hospital (10 minutes tops) does allow us a lot of freedom in this regard. Fantastic.

My confidence that we are going to be able to birth Thriller is growing by the day - and more importantly by the class. I am certain that by the time its TIME we will be able to be an educated, effective team in the delivery room. And baring any major unforeseen complications - I am certain with can bring this child into the world without drugs.

59 days and counting ... Bradley Class No 4

Wow. It is 58 days until my due date. Almost all of my friends have delivered early, so I hope to be ready by Christmas! I am getting VERY anxious about being prepared.

Tonight Morgan and I went to the 4th Bradley class in our series. This weeks session was entitled "The Coach's Role" and we were very excited about the material as it was mainly geared towards Morgan.

Part of the coach's role is to be an educated participant in making decisions in the moment about medications and procedures.

I have to admit, that while I have been certain that I wanted to go natural since the beginning, I have even more resolve after tonight's class. We talked a lot about Analgesia (opium based narcotics) and Anesthesia (epidurals - which are cocaine based).

I was already sure that even in the worst case scenario we would opt out of the narcotics. However, I did not know that the narcotics are most likely to cause respiratory problems in the baby, which in turn means that it is taken away for observation until the breathing settles and you do not get to nurse or hold the baby, that they have to give the baby narcan (spelling? something like that) which is an anti-narcotic used to bring drug addicts back to consciousness to make the baby alert - NOR did I know, more importantly (almost, it is all pretty important) that it takes 2 WEEKS for the narcotics to get out of the baby's system. Not the way we are going to bring Thriller into the world ... even if I have to have a C-section I am opting out of any narcotics.

However, I have been more conflicted about the epidural. If I needed it, I was going to be open to it. In class, from the doctors, as well as through the stories and experiences of those I love there is no question that there is a place for the epidural in birthing, especially if it can lead to preventing further intervention (which would be very rare, but possible) or if you are having a c-section. I had heard rumors about chronic back pain being a side effect of the epidural, but I was still keeping a pretty open mind with very strong hopes that we made it through all the way without one.

And my new reason for not wanting an epidural or spinal is completely focused on me and preventing pain. Which may sound strange.

Apparently Epidurals and Spinals can cause migraines, and if you are already a migraine sufferer it is most likely that you will have the worst migraine pain of your life. This is because of a change in spinal fluid pressure on your brain stem. Okay people, I've already had what I thought was the worst migraine pain of my life. No way in hell I am doing ANYTHING that will most likely cause me to be in worse migraine pain that I have already experienced. I can't imagine that the most painful constant back labor and/or un-medicated episiotamy could be more painful.

In addition, immediately following the birth I would have to lie on my back to balance out the spinal fluid pressure and potentially the doctors would have to add more fluid back into my spine to get the migraine to stop ... I'm sure there is a more medically correct way to explain all this but this is the gist.

Not only would all of this be incredibly painful, but it would render me completely unable to nurse right away, hold the baby or do any of the things that I want to be able to do right after the baby is born. All of this would prevent me from being able to take the best care of Thriller possible.

My fear of the worst migraine of my life is much for extreme than my fear of labor. If there is a 2% chance it is too high, and it is much higher than 2%. The only way I will have an epidural is if I have a c-section - which god willing won't happen.

We can do this! And I have the best coach in the world.

Bradley Class 3 & The Circumcision Decision

I really enjoyed our Bradley Class on Monday. There are a wide range of topics that we cover in each class, but this is the first class that started to bring people out of there shell a little. We did a foot to head relaxation technique as well as talking a bit about our personal experiences so far. We talked about pregnancy - the physiology of what is happening, etc some. Morgan could identify all of the organs on the diagram in our workbook, which was much better than I did. And then we talked about controversial issues in pregnancy. These included circumcision, b-strep/antibiotics, episiotomy, perineal massage, vaccines, etc.

The only one of these that Morgan and I had not already really figured out what we think/want to do is circumcision. I don't think either of us really knows what to think on this topic. On the one hand, we are the ONLY country in the world that has this debate - other countries (including Canada and all of Europe) ONLY circumcise for religious reasons. Insurance companies do not all necessarily cover the procedure as it is considered cosmetic and has no medical purpose.

But that is how his daddy is. And what all our parents did. So here we are, with all of our forward thinking still trapped by the construct of a social norm that makes us uncomfortable to think about being different.

In the Raleigh area there is a 60/40 split on circumcision vs. no circumcision - a common divide for educated, urban areas. The national average is like 55/45. Rural areas tend to see higher rates of circumcision. There are a lot of myths about why circumcision became the norm as far as the spread of diseases and cleanliness - and there are some truths. The most notable immediate development factor is that circumcised boys experience a drop in appetite and do not eat as much following the procedure for a while due to the trauma.

But this is one of those topics where you can find ANYTHING online to justify WHATEVER you want it to.

The American Medical Association states: All current policy statements from specialty societies and medical organizations do not recommend routine neonatal circumcision, and support the provision of accurate and unbiased information to parents to inform their choice.

Where does one begin? We have to have a plan in case Thriller is a boy.

For me the idea of having my (potential) baby boy taken away in the second day of life and put into a room where they go around snipping baby's foreskins in mass is relatively upsetting. I like the idea of having Morgan go with him so he wouldn't be so alone - but then I think that that would probably be pretty upsetting for Morgan. I have an image of the doctors approaching Thriller and Morgan snatching him off the table and running out of the hospital before the procedure could start - the Vickery men can't even face the idea of fixing their dogs!

And then there are other factors as well. Morgan and I have been hoping to have an early discharge so we can leave the hospital possibly 12-14 hours after delivery. However, if I have drugs, B-Strep or other complications then we have to stay the whole 2 days. If there are no problems and we can leave early then we would leave before it is okay to do the procedure. So then we would have to go to a doctor and do the circumcision in a Bris like fashion in the first week of life.

And then there is the insurance coverage issue...

And then there is the fact that men who are not circumcised experience a greater sensation in their adult lives when doing adult activities. Okay ... I can't really consider Thriller at this level at ALL.

And then there is the feminist prospective ...

I am very impressed that Morgan read through all the material and literature on this topic we were provided and is very thoughtfully considering what is best for Thriller. I think he will continue to do so, which is good because I don't want to look at the pictures of the procedure ever again. The slightest glance was too much for me.

My gut instinct is not to do it. However, it still makes me squeamish to think about either way.

I think Morgan may have to make the call on this one.

Bradley Classes 1 & 2

The past two Mondays Morgan and I have headed out to our Bradley classes with notebooks, workbooks, pillows and such in arms ... I love our teacher, and literally everyone at my doctors office says she is the best Bradley teacher in the area. The class is an interesting mix of people and I hope that Morgan and I do find some community there.

The first class was very basic, and we learned exercises, etc. It was good to walk through it all in that setting with Morgan as generally it has just been me reading and telling him about what I should be doing. The main focus at the end of the class was to begin our relaxation exercises so we will be able to use the technique when I am in labor. On Sunday Morgan proved, without a doubt, that he will be able to be calm and master any personal stress to help me relax. We were watching the Redskins play the Falcons for what was a pretty terrible football game and I was sitting on the floor in the "tailor position" (yet another politically correct way of saying "Indian style") and he sat behind me and started going through the relaxation exercise and rubbing my back. He made me so calm and meditative that I didn't even know what was going on in the game. When I opened my eyes I realized that we missed another touchdown and there was a fight on the field, all of which would make Morgan crazy generally, but he overcame it to focus on me. Granted, the birth of our child will be more important than the Redskins, but I think the timing made the exercise very effective for both of us.

Last night a massage therapist came to the class and taught our husbands how to massage us during pregnancy and during labor. It was awesome! I've asked for a prenatal massage from her for Christmas ... we will see how that request goes with all of the other expenses we have right now :) And then there was MORE INFORMATION ON BREAST FEEDING. Can't seem to get away from that one. I want to breast feed for as long as possible. God willing, Thriller will never have formula. But I really don't like watching other people do it. I know, I'm supposed to be all open minded and liberal and I am - I just think that a boob and latch close up ... again ... isn't really necessary in my life. I know it'll be different once I meet Thriller and we bond and grow together through the process - but for now, can we please keep the nipple close ups at a minimum? Apparently not. Okay, time to master my fears.

Bradley Class - 12 (but my first)

On Monday I went to my first Bradley Method class. For those of you who are not familiar, the Bradley Method is a form of husband (or partner) coached childbirth that encourages natural, drug free delivery. The classes are a serious time commitment as it is a 12 week series.

Because we just landed, I took the 12th class (on breastfeeding) first so I wouldn't miss it due to delivery date. Morgan was in California for work so I had to go by myself. Considering the fact that I have totally been focused on more simple matters, like where we are going to live, I must admit that breastfeeding has not really been on my mind - other than the fact that I intend to breastfeed. And while I know we want to do it for at least 6 months, maybe longer, I have not even considered the logistics associated with it.

Man, are there some logistics! AH! %*#^!

I have a feeling that you probably don't want the details - and I am not sure I want to relive them yet (maybe a little closer to delivery). I did learn that I will need a pillow - or a good chiropractor. I'm opting for the pillow.

I am really looking forward to meeting the rest of my class and having a bit of community to prepare for birthing. The teacher was also very warm, informative and experienced. Several of the couples I met this week are using the same Doctor/Midwife practice and hospital Morgan and I are considering. They all have rave reviews - I hope I will be so impressed next week when I check them out myself.

And to Morgan's credit, while he missed the class on breastfeeding, he is flying back to Raleigh in between two weeks of travel for one night simply to start the Bradley Classes with me. He is the best.

Why Birthing Matters

As Morgan and I have prepared for having the baby it has been clear that the birthing process is very important to us. Along the way, however, we have crossed paths with many loved ones who are challenged by our interest in how we give birth to Little Thriller. The most common statement we have heard, from all generations, is that is does not matter how it happens as long as we have a healthy baby and a healthy mom when it is all said and done. How do you respond to this statement? To family members, best friends, new moms, etc who have generations of experience birthing babies and trusted completely in their doctors and hospitals?

It is a touchy subject, as we do not want to reject their wisdom and appreciate their concerns. When we respond with statistics, research and information we try to avoid making it sound judgmental. We do not want to have a natural birth just to be good liberals. We do not just want to be in a room decorated like a bedroom just to be more comfortable.

We want to have a natural birth in a positive environment because it is safer for the baby, safer for the mom and a more positive experience for the early development of the child. We want to be educated on the birthing process and not go into birth blindly because the medical industry is FAILING in the United States. For the past twenty (plus) years the infant mortality rate in the United States has ranked in the bottom three of all developed countries. We want to look at what other countries are doing RIGHT and use those procedures and tactics in our birth. We want information to protect ourselves and our child.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people who are clearly aware that hospitals, doctors, pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies and malpractice lawsuits have collectively made dirty business out of healthcare suddenly forget the fact that having a baby in the hospital is also a revenue generating procedure. Mothers across the country are given unnecessary drugs and procedures during childbirth to generate revenue and to protect liability. The benefit to the child? To the mother?

Plain and simple – just because there is a form of technology available does not make it necessary. It does, however, make good money for the hospital to use every available resource.

I know I do not want unnecessary invasive surgery ever … I do not want to be given unnecessary drugs ever … especially when I am going to have Thriller to take care of moments afterwards.

What I am sure of is that I have a right to choose medical care that I can trust. This is not an easy thing to do in this country. Laying down on your back and being pumped full of drugs is an incredibly ineffective way to deliver a baby. No other country in the world currently uses this positioning (which works against gravity and prevents the mother from optimal pelvic positioning) as the standard of care for delivery. We are WAY behind the times and our infant mortality rate and other statistics prove our inadequacy.

I do not mean to suggest that there are not high risk births when the fact that we have the technology and procedures to save lives is necessary and effective. Rather I believe, and research indicates, that invasive and dangerous tools are used as a matter of course rather than a matter of necessity. We want to be educated to know the difference. We want to work with someone we trust to know the difference.

Luckily some hospitals and doctors in the United States are also recognizing the failure of birthing in the United States and doing some of the same research. As we are searching for the best OB/GYN, licensed midwife and Birthing Center in the Raleigh area it is a challenge to find the doctors, midwives and facilities that can provide us with care we trust. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that we could escape the industry and go to Mendocino where we know a great midwife or to The Farm in Tennessee where the best Birthing Center in the country exists under the guidance of acclaimed midwife Ina May Gaskin. However, I cannot bring myself to do something so drastic as I fear it would worry and hurt our families.

The first step is to find a caregiver who is educated. Next to find a facility where I am not immobilized with cords and IVs hanging off of my body. Ideally we need to find a place where I can eat, move around, have control of the environment (lights, music, etc) and am given time to labor and not be rushed into inducement or cesarean simply because of impatience.

What I need is to listen and trust my body. I need a doctor/midwife team to do the same. I need to not be categorized into a procedural system, but rather I need to be given a chance to have my baby without drugs or intervention so I will have the shortest possible recovery time to be the best mother I can be right away.

The birthing process does matter to us. And we think it should.