Raymond's First Sewanee Party & Outing!

Last weekend was a very exciting time. On Friday Liz has us over for dinner in Chapel Hill and Raymond got to meet Liz, Chrissie and Graham as well as having a surprise visitor, Hayley! We almost bailed on the dinner party because we were so wiped out from Morgan's first week back teaching and we are SO GLAD that we did not. It was a blast and Raymond was a dream the whole time we were at Liz's house. However, as soon as he got into the car for our 30 minute drive home he started crying and did not stop until we were pulling into our driveway. It broke my heart and there was nothing I could do. Carol, our Aunt and Baby Nurse told me the next day that it is not uncommon for a baby to be in a happy zone when being exposed to a lot of new stimulus and then to respond by crying once the baby has been removed from the new situation. Very interesting.

On Sunday we followed up the dinner party by heading back to Chapel Hill to play outside. The weather has been so miserable and Sunday was suddenly a warm 66 degrees and sunny. Raymond has been out to eat and run some errands, but this was his first outdoor outing! We broke out the BOB and took it off road for a riveting game of disc golf with Graham, Chrissie and Liz. Lots of fun in the sunshine! Raymond, however, stayed shaded and asleep for the game.

My Boys (Check out Raymond's Awesome SF Garb, Thanks Uncle Basel!)

Raymond loves his bouncer! Many thanks to the Morgans...

Kat comes to meet Raymond - February 13

Raymond: Weeks 1 & 2

I find it interesting that while Raymond is only 19 days old I feel like I have known him forever.  Morgan said that his first impression when holding the baby in the operating room is that he has an old soul - and maybe that is so. 

Physically he is so strong and lean.  He lost a little too much weight in the hospital but since then he has chowed away on breast milk and is filling in.  We checked out of our one week visit with the pediatrician with Raymond weighing 7 lbs 12 oz, so he is healthy and growing as he should be! Breast milk is working.  Breast feeding has become my life, and luckily he has taken to it very easily.  I kind of feel like a cow some of the time, but generally it is an amazing expereince.  I have heard over the years that it is a "bonding" expereince between mom and baby - but I never imagined what the "bonding" expereince would mean in my life.  I would like to think it will mean the same thing for Raymond but he probably won't remember.  :)  

He makes lots of grunting noises, can lift his head well, smiles in his sleep and sometimes when he comes off the boob.  He keeps filling out and developing more and more characteristics - for instance his little chin which seemed to be set into the rest of his face has filled out and now looks a lot like my chin.  I love observing the changes in is facial shape expressions every day.  It is hard to keep up. 

Reflection

I obviously haven't been good about blogging since we had Raymond. Honestly my hands have been pretty full getting used to the baby - I didn't want to put him down for the first week at all. And, moreover I have been a little messed up by the way our birth turned out. I think I am over it, but the first few weeks have been filled with a lot of tears and uncertainty as a result of having our "natural childbirth" go so un-natural. Before I move on from this point, which is one that I really hope not to revisit ever - well, at least until we have another baby and we have to decide what our plan will be, I would like to reach out to all of those who say "It doesn't matter how the birth turned out because you have a healthy baby." NOT TRUE. At the same time that I am filled with the greatest joy in my life, there is also a great sense of loss and I have had to allow myself the opportunity to feel those emotions. On some level I ultimately feel like a failure - on other levels I know the interventions we had were medically necessary and know in theory that is why they exist. My experience as a new parent has undoubtedly been effected by the birth experience - not my love for or "bonding" with Raymond, but a place inside of me has hurt. I am getting over it with the support of Morgan and the community we made through our Bradley classes and friends - but it is there. I hope that new moms everywhere know that it is okay to have feelings like this and they do get better. They do - but don't feel at fault for feeling sadness about your experience in the birth process. As a woman, as a mother - you have the right to have those feelings about what YOU went through - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

And the future entries of this blog will be dedicated to my amazing son!

Raymond Comes Home February 3, 2010