We (unknowingly) scheduled the event for what would have been Raymond's great grandfather's (the original Raymond) 100th birthday and is Uncle Ken's 62nd birthday, making it an extra special occasion for the Vickery clan.
We had many of the Morgan clan here as well! Raymond continued the tradition of wearing the Christening gown Granny made for the grandchildren. It was really lovely and fit perfectly!
Mom came the week before to help prepare and play with Raymond (who was terrible to her, but hopefully he will have recovered before he sees in a couple of weeks!) My cousin Leda came and not only saved the day by helping Mom and I will all the preparations and implementation – but also was a wonderful support and representation of our family.
Planning this baptism was also perfect - but came with a lot of interesting conversations. Morgan's spiritual background is very different than mine - raised as a Baptist, went to Episcopal High School, got involved with Young Life (where he was "Church hurt" - I think I owe that phrase to Elizabeth Shaw, but it fits perfectly) and then went to Sewanee where he was a comparative religion major and learned that fire and brimstone is not necessary for faith. All of this has left him sure of a higher power --- and very analytical of how religions, specifically the Christian traditions, guide you in spirituality.
I, on the other hand, am a traditional Episcopalian through and through. What I define as traditional maybe seen as "liberal" these days --- the church I grew up didn't care who you slept with as long as you were being true to yourself and your relationship with God. The church I grew up in did not claim that Christianity was the only way --- and certainly didn't make any of the crazy claims about creationism, etc.
Morgan and I have an ongoing dialogue about the simple fact that you can be a Christian without believing that everyone else is going to hell - but as he grew up in the Baptist church and more importantly was involved with Young Life and then to top it off our young adulthood had been ridden with the Christian tradition being used as a tool for hate - it follows that my personal experience doesn't necessarily align with the masses on a day to day basis.
For all of those same reasons I have not been active in Church for 10 years.
Fundamentally, however, we are on the same page. We believe that there is a higher power (Great Spirit) and we believe that many different religions can act as a vehicle to having personal faith. The main difference is that I am comfortable calling myself a Christian/Episcopalian whereas Morgan sees the academic oxymoron in believing that Christianity is not the only way and saying you are a Christian.
When we were driving across the country last summer we talked about how we wanted to raise (then named) Thriller and both decided that we did want to have the community and support provided by a church. But we want to have an open dialogue about what is taught in Church and raise the baby knowing that it is okay to question or disagree with what you learn in Church. - Morgan's only request was that we would spend as many Sundays in the woods or visiting a Buddhist meditation group as we did in Church to expose the baby to different forms of spirituality.
Thriller turned into Raymond and we were presented with planning the baptism. Early on we agreed that we did not want to have it in a church and we wanted it to be outside. We also agreed that we wanted godparents with different spiritual beliefs to support Raymond in his spiritual growth. We had a lot of people offer to be godparents that we love dearly and feel that Raymond has a huge community of support – not just based on who is on the certificate. We are very blessed.
I was not comfortable trying to find a church just to have the baptism – I think it takes some time to find the right fit and didn’t want to just pop in to have Raymond baptized and then realize it wasn’t the place for us. My childhood priest and very close family friend, Father Tubbs, agreed to come from Tennessee to the baptism in the spring and then we relaxed and did not really debate the issue anymore.
At the end of August Mrs. Tubbs sent over a program for review. I looked at it and honestly considered not even showing it to Morgan and I didn’t want to deal with any negativity. But I was a good wife and gave him the copy for review – it was the standard Book of Common Prayer service. His immediate reaction was as I thought … bad. At first he said: “Whatever makes you happy” – I knew it was really bad then as he never says anything even close to that so I pushed him a little more - “I thought we agreed to have a agnostic baptism…” – well baby, by definition a baptism is not agnostic – “There are too many ‘Lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘salvation’ referenced for me in here…”
He finally came down to “I just don’t believe in original sin.” Okay, that is reasonable, I don’t believe in original sin either – nor does my mom, nor does my priest. So Father Tubbs suggested that we redline the service and he would make any edits we were comfortable with … at this point I am feeling pretty lucky as many priests would not give you that opportunity in a sacrament.
A few days pass and I finally sit Morgan down with a red pen and have his go at it. He starts off marking things up on the first pass – then he reads the whole service through and starts to be a little less reactionary and thoughtful. And at the end of it all he decides he likes the service just the way it is.
Father Tubbs did a WONDEFUL job talking about respect for different traditions. I was so pleased to have him come and show Morgan an example of the church I grew up in!
We talked about it this weekend and he said it was perfect, just the way he had wanted it to be. It means so much to me that Morgan the time to consider the service and came to peace with having a baptism. I don’t want to push my faith on Morgan or Raymond. But ultimately it is how I have come to know God, and I do believe that my life has been touched by God … or the Great Spirit … or whatever you want to call the higher power. And I am so happy to have my family share in this tradition.
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