SunPower, a California Company, offers up to 6 weeks of family leave to mothers and fathers at 80% pay in accordance with the law. Morgan went through the approval process for the leave, only planning to take 3 weeks off, and we have been planning on enjoying the time together bonding with Thriller.
However, he decided to call his HR contact to confirm exactly how much his paycheck would be hit and how benefits, etc would be effected. Thank GOD he did.
The "paid family leave" is covered by Prudential (like disability insurance) and not through the company directly. Prudential will only offer coverage for family leave in states where there is a legal requirement - and despite the fact that Morgan WORKS for a California company, because we live in North Carolina where there is no legal paternity leave requirement there is no coverage.
Therefore he does not get any time off surrounding the birth of our child. He can maybe take unpaid or sick days while I am in the hospital but that is it.
Okay. Obviously this is a bullshit situation. But we are looking at the bright side. He works from home, doesn't need to be in the field teaching until 2/15/10 and has been in a really good work grove lately. For all of those reasons we believe that we will be just fine. His work may happen at 5 am or 10 pm, depending on when the new baby routine allows him to focus, but we'll get it all done.
The "bonding" will still happen because of our situation and that is all that matters. The principle pisses me off - but no point in carrying around that negativity - it doesn't help anyone.
Showing posts with label Baby Prep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby Prep. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Human Kidness
When Morgan and I moved to California I remember that I was very frustrated by the fact that people would not look at you when you passed them on the street or sat by them on the bus in San Francisco. There was a sudden cultural element of being on your own that caught me off guard. As we developed amazing friendships in California a network of support grew that helped me move past feeling alone and we continue to be supported by that network today - even from afar. We are very blessed.
Moving back to the southeast and being pregnant has, however, reacquainted me with not only the kindness of family and friends, but also that of strangers. I know I am 9 months pregnant so people are just being more helpful at the grocery store, etc - but really, I am feeling very blessed. Family has spent countless hours and resources helping us move in and sharing resources to make our home, friends have traveled from far and wide to come and visit, we have nearly everything we need from gifts to be ready for the baby ... the list goes on!
Most notably I have been taken in by a local prenatal massage therapist. I went to her before the holidays for what would be my one budgeted massage and she felt like i was in such bad shape that she insisted that I come back yesterday, free of charge, because she would worry about me. I cannot in any way shape or form afford to continue this tradition, but she keeps insisting that I come back so I am scheduled for next week and she had offered to help us in labor if we need it (if the baby is OP we'll be taking her up on that for sure!) I am just blown away by her compassion and really very grateful as I was, in fact, suffering and her support is making a tremendous difference.
I like to think of myself as a good person, but I do think that city living made me a little self interested. I am currently feeling so blessed - it honestly makes me want to be a better person - and more importantly show Thriller how to be a better person early on.
Thank you family, friends and strangers for bringing such kindness back into focus in our lives!
Moving back to the southeast and being pregnant has, however, reacquainted me with not only the kindness of family and friends, but also that of strangers. I know I am 9 months pregnant so people are just being more helpful at the grocery store, etc - but really, I am feeling very blessed. Family has spent countless hours and resources helping us move in and sharing resources to make our home, friends have traveled from far and wide to come and visit, we have nearly everything we need from gifts to be ready for the baby ... the list goes on!
Most notably I have been taken in by a local prenatal massage therapist. I went to her before the holidays for what would be my one budgeted massage and she felt like i was in such bad shape that she insisted that I come back yesterday, free of charge, because she would worry about me. I cannot in any way shape or form afford to continue this tradition, but she keeps insisting that I come back so I am scheduled for next week and she had offered to help us in labor if we need it (if the baby is OP we'll be taking her up on that for sure!) I am just blown away by her compassion and really very grateful as I was, in fact, suffering and her support is making a tremendous difference.
I like to think of myself as a good person, but I do think that city living made me a little self interested. I am currently feeling so blessed - it honestly makes me want to be a better person - and more importantly show Thriller how to be a better person early on.
Thank you family, friends and strangers for bringing such kindness back into focus in our lives!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Jane comes to visit!
The nursery is really starting to take shape! I wish I could take any credit, but alas my inexperience with these sorts of things rendered me unable to even consider creative sticker murals as a way to liven up the room given Morgan's moratorium on painting.
Enter Jane Sneed: Oldest friend in the world, mother of two, and regular decorator and re-decorator. Jane is one of those girls who always has images of how to make things look better in the back of her mind - and she worked some serious magic in Thriller's room. We now have trees, owls, squirrels (much to Cooper's dismay), frogs, turtles, bluebirds and bears - creating a warm and perfect little themed (but not over themed!) room.
In addition to Jane's decorating skills, she also re-introduced me to Babys R Us. While I have no intention of making this a regular shopping spot - it was MUCH better to go to the store with an experienced mom who could explain things and help make some since of it all. And that is where they had the super cute wall stickers!
I was treated, treated, and treated again over her stay and learned volumes of practical mom knowledge.
Thank you Jane!
Enter Jane Sneed: Oldest friend in the world, mother of two, and regular decorator and re-decorator. Jane is one of those girls who always has images of how to make things look better in the back of her mind - and she worked some serious magic in Thriller's room. We now have trees, owls, squirrels (much to Cooper's dismay), frogs, turtles, bluebirds and bears - creating a warm and perfect little themed (but not over themed!) room.
In addition to Jane's decorating skills, she also re-introduced me to Babys R Us. While I have no intention of making this a regular shopping spot - it was MUCH better to go to the store with an experienced mom who could explain things and help make some since of it all. And that is where they had the super cute wall stickers!
I was treated, treated, and treated again over her stay and learned volumes of practical mom knowledge.
Thank you Jane!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Nursery Progress
About 1/4 of the very blue nursery is filled with the few remaining boxes we need to unpack. The rest is full of our recently assembled baby furniture! YAY! Morgan and I spent much of Sunday setting up the crib (which was pretty easy) and the dresser (which was much more challenging!) and today I finished the job by putting together the changing table. Whew. Nesting has taken hold!
We have been all over the place on getting the nursery furniture together - from looking at high end designers to mass producers (Pottery Barn, Land of Nod, etc) to local craftsmen to hand me downs. I was feeling a lot of pressure to get the main parts of the room together and my mom came through and ordered our set right when the immediate nesting need took hold. We decided to go with the DaVinci line, which is constructed of sustainably harvested wood from New Zealand and has a nontoxic finish (higher standards for nontoxic than just what is required by law). However, it did come in a lot of packaging material! So I am not sure that our good intentions totally counteracted our carbon footprint on this one - but we did the best we could. And truly, I couldn't be happier with the look and feel of the room ... and look forward to finishing the room over the next week or so!
Cooper is feeling a little neglected while I am distracted! Tomorrow may have to be Cooper day to make up for all my other activities.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Pediatrician Search
I have been so focused on finding the right doctors for my prenatal care and delivery in Raleigh, that I honestly had not even thought about the importance of finding a pediatrician. At my first appointment with Triangle OB/GYN they could not stress enough how important it was that I start the interview process immediately and I then learned that in order to registered with the Wake Med Birthing Center I also had to have one lined up! And I was already 10 weeks late registering with Wake Med!
And then I learn that the doctors fill up, only taking so many new patients a year, and as I was so behind it might be hard for me to get into anyone good!
I immediately got a stack of business cards from Triangle and started setting up appointments, asking around and checking out online reviews. I was only told by practices that they were not taking patients so that gave me a place to start. I seriously miss Yelp in San Francisco when it comes to times like these! Although there are some pretty decent local resources with reviews, etc. I scheduled my first interview appointment and then realized that I had NO IDEA what to ask about or look for. Luckily Jane (oldest, dearest friend and mother of 2 ... or is it 5?) called me back immediately and started going over the list of interview questions and things to watch out for as I was driving to the interview.
It is a different experience to be in a new town on a doctor search. When I was a child in Tennessee I think that I went to the only pediatrician in Gatlinburg, or at least the one that everyone we knew went to ... and then when we moved to Alabama I never really established a pediatrician. Quite honestly, I wasn't sure what all the fuss was about.
But then I started paying a little more attention and realized the complexity of the pediatric relationship. We are luckily on a PPO so most of the concerns of many parents do not apply to us directly, but if we were on an HMO it would be very different.
Then things started to click ... such as the fact that we want a doctor owned practice as opposed to a practice owned by a large medical network that has really been created to operate within the HMO system. So then even if you have a PPO you are only referred to their internal HMO specialists etc. Wow. This whole conversation about health care is suddenly effecting my life in a different way. I've been lucky enough since we were married to be able to go to any doctor I wanted and not really needed anything special. But when you are thinking about being able to provide the best health care for your child with OPTIONS it is a whole different story.
I am an avid supporter of Health Care reform and a Public Health Care System (the result of being uninsured most of my life and afraid to go to the doctor due to the cost) and I know things are going to be changing. But for now I have to make decisions based on the existing system.
So there is the canvas where we start our search, and I haven't even added the questions or concerns yet! I generally asked about walk in hours, on call systems, specialties, labs, vaccination schedules, use of antibiotics, developmental testing, alternative treatments, etc. Some of the interviews are done in a group whereas other interviews are individual, depending on the practice.
In my first group interview I felt like such the California mom - really I did. The other mothers to be (all first timers) were on an entirely different page. I was a little bit shocked at the lack of concern about the questions I had vs. "Does it cost extra to call in after hours." (Which of course it does not!) One mother to be looked at me and said "Why wouldn't you want to give your child antibiotics whenever it would make them feel better? If your insurance covers it?" and I just wanted to SCREAM "So they will work when the child actually NEEDS THEM for something that won't heal in two days!" Has this woman not read a single article about antibiotics or watched the news over the past 10-15 years? Really?
Luckily the doctor helped me out quickly and explained that it isn't prudent to get antibiotics for ever ear infection as they usually just take a day longer to heal on their own, etc. Needless to say I immediately started liking this doctor, Dr. Erin Wooten of Oberlin Road Pediatrics.
She continued to answer all of my questions in an educated and genuine manner (and with answers that I agreed with, which always helps!). I think I found the right place and at least plan to start at Oberlin Road.
I wonder what this experience would have been like in a small town? Without 2 medical schools and other various medical facilities in the immediate area? Or if I was in Huntsville, would I have just gone with the doctor that all my friends were using? Would I have known to ask these questions? Would it have mattered? Will health care change so much in the next few years that this interview and research process will have been pointless for Thriller's long term care?
It is a strange and ongoing process, getting ready for a baby. Lots to do, lots to learn.
And then I learn that the doctors fill up, only taking so many new patients a year, and as I was so behind it might be hard for me to get into anyone good!
I immediately got a stack of business cards from Triangle and started setting up appointments, asking around and checking out online reviews. I was only told by practices that they were not taking patients so that gave me a place to start. I seriously miss Yelp in San Francisco when it comes to times like these! Although there are some pretty decent local resources with reviews, etc. I scheduled my first interview appointment and then realized that I had NO IDEA what to ask about or look for. Luckily Jane (oldest, dearest friend and mother of 2 ... or is it 5?) called me back immediately and started going over the list of interview questions and things to watch out for as I was driving to the interview.
It is a different experience to be in a new town on a doctor search. When I was a child in Tennessee I think that I went to the only pediatrician in Gatlinburg, or at least the one that everyone we knew went to ... and then when we moved to Alabama I never really established a pediatrician. Quite honestly, I wasn't sure what all the fuss was about.
But then I started paying a little more attention and realized the complexity of the pediatric relationship. We are luckily on a PPO so most of the concerns of many parents do not apply to us directly, but if we were on an HMO it would be very different.
Then things started to click ... such as the fact that we want a doctor owned practice as opposed to a practice owned by a large medical network that has really been created to operate within the HMO system. So then even if you have a PPO you are only referred to their internal HMO specialists etc. Wow. This whole conversation about health care is suddenly effecting my life in a different way. I've been lucky enough since we were married to be able to go to any doctor I wanted and not really needed anything special. But when you are thinking about being able to provide the best health care for your child with OPTIONS it is a whole different story.
I am an avid supporter of Health Care reform and a Public Health Care System (the result of being uninsured most of my life and afraid to go to the doctor due to the cost) and I know things are going to be changing. But for now I have to make decisions based on the existing system.
So there is the canvas where we start our search, and I haven't even added the questions or concerns yet! I generally asked about walk in hours, on call systems, specialties, labs, vaccination schedules, use of antibiotics, developmental testing, alternative treatments, etc. Some of the interviews are done in a group whereas other interviews are individual, depending on the practice.
In my first group interview I felt like such the California mom - really I did. The other mothers to be (all first timers) were on an entirely different page. I was a little bit shocked at the lack of concern about the questions I had vs. "Does it cost extra to call in after hours." (Which of course it does not!) One mother to be looked at me and said "Why wouldn't you want to give your child antibiotics whenever it would make them feel better? If your insurance covers it?" and I just wanted to SCREAM "So they will work when the child actually NEEDS THEM for something that won't heal in two days!" Has this woman not read a single article about antibiotics or watched the news over the past 10-15 years? Really?
Luckily the doctor helped me out quickly and explained that it isn't prudent to get antibiotics for ever ear infection as they usually just take a day longer to heal on their own, etc. Needless to say I immediately started liking this doctor, Dr. Erin Wooten of Oberlin Road Pediatrics.
She continued to answer all of my questions in an educated and genuine manner (and with answers that I agreed with, which always helps!). I think I found the right place and at least plan to start at Oberlin Road.
I wonder what this experience would have been like in a small town? Without 2 medical schools and other various medical facilities in the immediate area? Or if I was in Huntsville, would I have just gone with the doctor that all my friends were using? Would I have known to ask these questions? Would it have mattered? Will health care change so much in the next few years that this interview and research process will have been pointless for Thriller's long term care?
It is a strange and ongoing process, getting ready for a baby. Lots to do, lots to learn.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Getting Ready for Thriller ...
It is common knowledge that the wedding industry has control of whims and wants of brides to be and their families around the world. I did not know, prior to getting pregnant, that the baby industry is in fact as intense if not worse than the wedding industry! And they have a much more serious value proposition: Buy this OR be a bad parent.
Seriously, it has taken me months of virtual nesting, shopping, reading, talking to friends, etc to even begin to get an idea of what is really needed for a newborn. Everyone has a different impression of what works best for them - and there are SO MANY OPTIONS. Every time Morgan and I came to Raleigh to look for houses or for him to work over the summer I would search for the actual store where I could find some answers! Touch, hold, examine and consider. Online shopping has its merits, but it is just not the same.
I went to Baby's R Us. That was disastrous. I was terrified and totally overwhelmed by how much plastic CRAP you "must have" for your baby. (Note all of the plastic crap can be color or patterned coordinated!) The item that struck me the most was the series of plug in or battery powered vibrating chairs or "bouncers." I was told that if you do not have a vibrating chair, your baby will never sleep. You just must have it. WHAT? I walked out of the store totally convinced that if an item was in Baby's R Us, the baby didn't really need it because it all seemed so gross. This was obviously not true, they have some great items at Baby's R Us that are essential and will benefit your child, and a good online selection - but I just can't ever have a reason to go back into that store. Or on their website. I'm afraid.
I went to several local shops in Raleigh, Huntsville and Madison, searching for some clarity on the situation and was continuously turned off by the rude staff, the prices and the stuff ... just stuff ... where is the utility? The necessity? I want Thriller to have everything he/she needs and could even want - but I needed someplace to start that made sense.
Family, friends, articles, online resources and most recently our Bradley class started to tie things together. Morgan and I decided to go with a quality over quantity approach. Research clearly indicates that having an organic sleeping environment is better for the baby, so that gave us a place to start. Similarly we know that avoiding BPA and or PVC is beneficial for the baby - so we have tried to find feeding and other options that are free of these toxins. There are a LOT of online resources that meet our criteria and I feel that we have become educated baby consumers.
There is an online store that is local to Raleigh, called growgreenbaby.com. Finding this resource was nice because it met our criteria for organics and non-toxic AND is locally based. However, I have still been searching for a local shop - a storefront - where I could talk to a person. Where just maybe I could touch something in my hands to see if it felt right - or if the color was actually what it looked like online.
And alas, yesterday I finally found my spot.
GreenPea Nursery (greenpeanursery.com)
Where have you been all my pregnancy?
I had a staff person listen to me, give me options, show me a selection, let me touch things, talk to me about my needs and how to make solutions in the most cost effective manner. I love this store! NOT ONLY does it have an awesome, educated "green" selection of baby products, tons of information about making the healthiest environment for your child, but they actually also offer SERVICE (something that we know is rare). They are online and in person and I love them.
They do not offer everything I need - and I will still rely on our online resources for a great deal - but I feel so confident in what they do have! And in their answers! It is local, tangible, real, and genuine.
Finally, someplace that makes some sense to this consumer. I guess we all have different wants needs and having so many options has totally changed our retail economy. But I was really beginning to feel like the odd mama to be out here - no place to feel good about getting ready for the baby. I just felt guilty for wanting "stuff" and like the entire industry was trying to trick me. I had no confidence in making the right decisions. But no more!
Seriously, it has taken me months of virtual nesting, shopping, reading, talking to friends, etc to even begin to get an idea of what is really needed for a newborn. Everyone has a different impression of what works best for them - and there are SO MANY OPTIONS. Every time Morgan and I came to Raleigh to look for houses or for him to work over the summer I would search for the actual store where I could find some answers! Touch, hold, examine and consider. Online shopping has its merits, but it is just not the same.
I went to Baby's R Us. That was disastrous. I was terrified and totally overwhelmed by how much plastic CRAP you "must have" for your baby. (Note all of the plastic crap can be color or patterned coordinated!) The item that struck me the most was the series of plug in or battery powered vibrating chairs or "bouncers." I was told that if you do not have a vibrating chair, your baby will never sleep. You just must have it. WHAT? I walked out of the store totally convinced that if an item was in Baby's R Us, the baby didn't really need it because it all seemed so gross. This was obviously not true, they have some great items at Baby's R Us that are essential and will benefit your child, and a good online selection - but I just can't ever have a reason to go back into that store. Or on their website. I'm afraid.
I went to several local shops in Raleigh, Huntsville and Madison, searching for some clarity on the situation and was continuously turned off by the rude staff, the prices and the stuff ... just stuff ... where is the utility? The necessity? I want Thriller to have everything he/she needs and could even want - but I needed someplace to start that made sense.
Family, friends, articles, online resources and most recently our Bradley class started to tie things together. Morgan and I decided to go with a quality over quantity approach. Research clearly indicates that having an organic sleeping environment is better for the baby, so that gave us a place to start. Similarly we know that avoiding BPA and or PVC is beneficial for the baby - so we have tried to find feeding and other options that are free of these toxins. There are a LOT of online resources that meet our criteria and I feel that we have become educated baby consumers.
There is an online store that is local to Raleigh, called growgreenbaby.com. Finding this resource was nice because it met our criteria for organics and non-toxic AND is locally based. However, I have still been searching for a local shop - a storefront - where I could talk to a person. Where just maybe I could touch something in my hands to see if it felt right - or if the color was actually what it looked like online.
And alas, yesterday I finally found my spot.
GreenPea Nursery (greenpeanursery.com)
Where have you been all my pregnancy?
I had a staff person listen to me, give me options, show me a selection, let me touch things, talk to me about my needs and how to make solutions in the most cost effective manner. I love this store! NOT ONLY does it have an awesome, educated "green" selection of baby products, tons of information about making the healthiest environment for your child, but they actually also offer SERVICE (something that we know is rare). They are online and in person and I love them.
They do not offer everything I need - and I will still rely on our online resources for a great deal - but I feel so confident in what they do have! And in their answers! It is local, tangible, real, and genuine.
Finally, someplace that makes some sense to this consumer. I guess we all have different wants needs and having so many options has totally changed our retail economy. But I was really beginning to feel like the odd mama to be out here - no place to feel good about getting ready for the baby. I just felt guilty for wanting "stuff" and like the entire industry was trying to trick me. I had no confidence in making the right decisions. But no more!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Why Thriller?
Several people have asked us to explain why we decided to call the baby Thriller. Morgan and I decided early on that we did not want to know the sex of the baby, which eliminated the ability for early name use or he/she references. A pet name was in order so we could stop referring to "the baby" or "it" all of the time.
There are a few circumstances that brought us to Thriller, and combined that might make sense to other people.
(1) There was a long standing joke when we were wedding planning that the groom and his groomsmen would approach the wedding tree doing the Thriller dance. I did not think this joke was very funny, however, it has stayed in the back of my mind. This spring a viral video went into circulation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0) showing a wedding party dancing down the aisle. The original link I received with this video had a message about not taking life way to seriously, and how beautiful an event can be in simple playfulness. As we learned that we were pregnant, that we were moving and that our life was changing very quickly the idea of not taking life to seriously stayed with me, and honestly kept my head up some of the time. As well as causing me to think back on "what if" Morgan and the groomsmen had approached our wedding tree doing the Thriller dance. It might have been pretty fantastic, but I wasn't even open to joking about it. No fun Tappan.
(2) Surprise Pregnancy! Hands down getting pregnant has been the best thing that ever happened to us and we couldn't be happier. We are Thrilled! But there have also been some scary moments along the way and I think there will continue to be - it is just part of it. Hopefully Thriller will have a sense of humor and understand the nickname.
(3) The death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson: We are children of the 80s, and grew up on MJ - Thriller is arguably one of his greatest contributions to pop music and our childhood. Whenever Thriller comes on the radio or through the turntable you are certain to find us on the dance floor.
Somewhere in the mix of these three points it occurred to me that maybe we should call the baby "Thriller" rather than "it." I suggested the nickname to Morgan before we went to bed one night and by the next morning the name was in full effect. Friends and family either totally love it or give us a weird look. For all those who think its weird, you shouldn't take life so seriously!
Its playful, it fits and I have a feeling that it might stick in certain circles. I kind of hope it does as Morgan and I have totally bonded with our little Thriller.
There are a few circumstances that brought us to Thriller, and combined that might make sense to other people.
(1) There was a long standing joke when we were wedding planning that the groom and his groomsmen would approach the wedding tree doing the Thriller dance. I did not think this joke was very funny, however, it has stayed in the back of my mind. This spring a viral video went into circulation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0) showing a wedding party dancing down the aisle. The original link I received with this video had a message about not taking life way to seriously, and how beautiful an event can be in simple playfulness. As we learned that we were pregnant, that we were moving and that our life was changing very quickly the idea of not taking life to seriously stayed with me, and honestly kept my head up some of the time. As well as causing me to think back on "what if" Morgan and the groomsmen had approached our wedding tree doing the Thriller dance. It might have been pretty fantastic, but I wasn't even open to joking about it. No fun Tappan.
(2) Surprise Pregnancy! Hands down getting pregnant has been the best thing that ever happened to us and we couldn't be happier. We are Thrilled! But there have also been some scary moments along the way and I think there will continue to be - it is just part of it. Hopefully Thriller will have a sense of humor and understand the nickname.
(3) The death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson: We are children of the 80s, and grew up on MJ - Thriller is arguably one of his greatest contributions to pop music and our childhood. Whenever Thriller comes on the radio or through the turntable you are certain to find us on the dance floor.
Somewhere in the mix of these three points it occurred to me that maybe we should call the baby "Thriller" rather than "it." I suggested the nickname to Morgan before we went to bed one night and by the next morning the name was in full effect. Friends and family either totally love it or give us a weird look. For all those who think its weird, you shouldn't take life so seriously!
Its playful, it fits and I have a feeling that it might stick in certain circles. I kind of hope it does as Morgan and I have totally bonded with our little Thriller.
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