Babysitter.

I hate being away from Raymond.  Plain and simple, but as I mentioned in my last entry I need to be making some space for myself too.  We have been out a few times and always had a family member babysit Raymond. A couple of weeks ago, however, we decided we wanted to find someone regular so that we could do "date nights" as well as going to see some music - and now with Morgan working if I need to do something baby free during the day we also need someone to sit for Raymond.  I signed up for a trial with an online service shortly after our conversation and after several online profiles and some rather odd messages from people I was feeling pretty desperate and freaked out.  Okay, really freaked out.  I don't care if the service does background checks, I still can't stomach finding a babysitter online. 

Then Morgan walks in the door after a round of disc golf where he has met a great new babysitter who is friends with our friends and is looking for regular babysitting.  WHEW.  She came over to meet me and played with Raymond and instantly I knew we had found the perfect fit!

So today I had our dream babysitter come over so I could run some mommy errands and to make sure it was all okay while I was just running around as compared to being in a movie or at a concert when it would be harder to connect.  Everything was perfect.  Raymond was totally happy and the babysitter did a great job.

I, on the other hand, went through a mild personal breakdown in Target when I started judging myself for missing moments with my baby.  I had to come home and breastfeed mid-errands and just make sure everything was alright.  I think it will be easier next time, and am sure it will be easier when Morgan and I are doing something together as opposed to me just trying to have some me time.