Trying NOT to Judge or be Judged

If you know me you know that I can be completely judgemental.  It is one of my worst qualities.  Often I have to talk myself out of judgement before re-entering social situations.  Throughout pregnancy and in becoming a mother I have had to face my terrible judgemental nature of others as I watched/watch people judge me for decisions Morgan and I are making.  There is nothing more personal that how you decide to carry, deliver and raise your child. 

However, I constantly find myself challenged. I look at other people's decisions and really think that if they only knew what I knew from all the reading a prep that we did they would make better decisions.  I can even make that sound good: I think that parents should all be better educated on pregnancy, delivery, toxicology, nutrition/breast feeding and development to make the best decisions for their family and child.  Although, behind that statement I am still thinking, then they would do what we are doing.

Last weekend we were in Vienna with Morgan's family and I knew my decisions were being judged twice.  The first time when Raymond's great grandmother asked what he was eating and I advised that we were still on a breast milk only diet.  She looked at my mother in law and said something along the lines of "they feed them so much later now." The second time when Morgan and I were discussing a trip next January and my mother in law said "oh well you can leave him with us, he'll almost be a year, you won't still be breast feeding."  When I advised that in fact I am planning on still breast feeding at that time she sounded surprised with a simple "Oh you will?"  Neither of these fine and generously loving ladies would ever say they thought I was wrong in either of these decisions - it is much more of a that is not how we did it sort of feeling.  There are countless articles in parenting magazines and baby books about how to address the generational divide between current research on child rearing and wisdom passed down through the ages.  I am blessed to not be challenged by either of their statements as I know they love us and trust the decisions we are making, but nonetheless I want to explain.  I want to send studies and links and personal stories that justify why we are right in the decisions we are making for Raymond. But I know that is not the way to be.  I just have to walk away - and know that if anyone ever asks I have a whole arsenal of literature to share. 

Besides my nature and need to be right, I think a lot of my personal struggle with judgement is centered on my feverish need to be certain that we are doing everything right, that we are being the best possible parents, that Raymond has the best possible care and advantage we can give.  There are regular pauses in my day during which I step back and remember that the most important thing we can give Raymond is simply love - not breast milk or sensory development toys.  Just love. The rest is all gravy.  I know that.  I know that for other families too.