Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Giving Tree

One of my favorite parts of being a mom has been rediscovering toys, games and stories. The classic story, The Giving Tree, made me tear up the first time I read it with Raymond as it made me think of my mom and the kind of parent I hope to be. Maybe that is just because I am lucky to have an AMAZING mother.


You remember, the tree that gave the boy everything throughout all the different parts of his life to make him happy until there was nothing left but the stump … and then the boy comes back as an old man and rests by sitting on the stump. It is a really great story, although there is a part of me that thinks the boy is selfish and shouldn’t take from the tree anymore and a part of me that thinks the tree would be doing the boy a favor to say no.

I find myself in a crossroads between being the child and the tree these days. Most recently I faced the seemingly harsh reality that we do not have a stay at home grandmother who can take care of Raymond when we go to a crazy New Year’s Eve party on the other side of the country or otherwise plan travel. Both of our moms work, and we certainly benefit from their labors – last minute emergency vet visits, the way too expensive travel crib which is the only way Raymond will sleep on the road, our furniture, our home, a “hand me down” car. The working grandmothers give – give –give all the time. We are very blessed.

And yet here I am the little boy saddened that I can’t leave my baby and go to the party. And here I am the mother who wants to be with her son to give him a happy New Years Eve … filled with breast milk and mommy’s love.

I think it is time for me to let go of my neediness and accept my new role as the giver. I don’t want to whittle my mother or mother in law down to a stump by taking all the time. We need to give too --- all support each other. Most importantly I need to take care of my son and husband. As we plan the holiday season it is clear that the best way to do that is to take care of Raymond at home and send Morgan off to ring in the New Year with our friends.

Ah, the evolution into motherhood continues …

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wanted

Baby proofing consultant. Come into the home, find all possible ways that my baby could be hurt and remedy the risk.  Willing to pay ... well, I don't have much, but willing to pay nonetheless.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A day in the life ...

Some days are made for sitcoms ... today started as one of those days. I was up VERY late working on taxes for the 10/15 extension deadline. Raymond woke up at 6:00 am and there was no stopping him. He slept for about 15 minutes for his morning nap, during which I started to do my first mass mailing for my new job. After he woke up I was running back and forth from the office with him trying to keep him out of electrical wires (why are they so inviting?) and dog hair (I need to vacuum, but who has time?). In the back and forth my printer started spitting out envelopes all over the floor … a 100 or so by the time I got back into the “office.” These envelopes then had to be organized in alphabetical order. I then turned around and Raymond had knocked over and started playing with the pile that was in order so I had to completely start over. By noon he had fallen on his face, bit his lip and was sporting a new bruise on the left side of his face.

Then comes lunch… if you haven’t had a baby this will sound especially gross… we had a full lunch and I was feeling REALLY good about his fresh diet of whole made organic baby and finger foods for the week. I didn’t think about what the combination of beets and prunes might do … all of the sudden there was a BIG POOP. Okay, no big deal, right. Then I look down and see poop dripping out of the highchair onto the FLOOR. His cloth diaper was totally saturated and covered, as was the “cover” as was the high chair and of course the baby. He went directly into the sink where I hosed him off for a while. After cleaning Raymond up I put him in his crib where he SCREAMED bloody murder while I cleaned up the rest of the mess. This took a little while –

Luckily Cooper was outside.

After I cleaned up I let the dog in who was also screaming to get inside from the yard. I went and picked up Raymond and he puked (spit up no longer covers it) all down the front of my shirt and inside of my shirt. At this point I could have freaked out. I may have been on the verge. But instead I just sat down on the floor of the nursery and laughed until I cried. Luckily Raymond was laughing too.

Now we are on to naptime number 2 … surely he needs to get some sleep … right? Not so much. I put Raymond down at 3 … he was super mellow, we read a book, cuddled, life was good. As soon as he hit the mattress he started SCREAMING again. I got into the shower hoping that by the time I was out he would be asleep. No. I let him go for almost 45 minutes – my heart breaking the whole time but really thinking he needed to sleep – NOPE. Damn it.

We have had a WONDERFUL late afternoon/early evening playing like crazy. I gave him a bath and put him down without any fussing at all. We sang along to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon album for the nighttime wind down and it worked perfectly. And brought me back to a special place… Now I’m cooking myself the insanely overpriced local grass fed rib eye I bought at Wholefoods as a reward for making it through the day.

We did it. We had a wonderful bruised, bloody, shit stained and puked on day. And I feel so blessed to be alive and have my baby boy.

Thank you!