I have several expectant friends who are due in the next few months. Some dread the hospital, some trust their doctors and/or midwives but they all seem to want low intervention or natural births. Luckily most of them are open to the fact that their safety and their child's safety is what is most important. I find myself having to hold back telling them everything I think about birth and having a new born. I know some of the advice is helpful but God only knows can be overbearing. I am thinking about my friends all the time, which has inspired me to blog retrospectively about tips for c-section delivery and post pardum. Some of these tips apply no matter what so I hope you'll find them helpful!
(1) It is going to be okay if you have a c-section.
(2) Once you realize you're going to have a section get your stuff together in the delivery room to be transferred into the recovery room. Have a brother/father-in-law/friend who is there be in charge of moving your belongings or packing you.
(3) I wish I had my mom there to stay with me while I was in recovery and had dedicated that Morgan stay with Raymond, or vice versa. It is kind of scary to be suddenly all alone with the hospital staff (even if you really like them, which I did) while the baby and husband are away from you. I think it was also hard on Morgan to feel like he needed to run back and forth.
(4) Make sure that you get to meet your baby in the operating room as it will be about an hour before you'll get to see him/her again. (Unless there is a medical reason that keep you from the baby.)
(5) DON'T be afraid of the recovery pain medication. TAKE THE DRUGS. You have had intense surgery and you will not be able to enjoy the first moments and weeks with your child and build confidence if you are suffering.
(6) DO be careful of hurting yourself. Remember that the pain medication makes you feel like you're fine but you can still aggravate and hurt yourself more.
(7) Focus on skin to skin contact and nursing you baby.Use the lactation consultants and have your nursing pillow with you!
(8) If you are induced or have a c-section it may take a day or so longer for your milk to come in because your body didn't go through the natural process of giving birth. IT WILL COME, don't worry, and don't let the hospital freak you out about it on discharge. If you have to use formula for a day to keep the baby hydrated that is okay too, but don't give up on nursing it will come!
(9) After you get home remember that some weird things may happen - your leg may be numb for several weeks, which normal from the nerves that are cut ... You may have incredible pain several days/weeks latter because you're backing off the pain medication but your uterus is still contracting and pulling on the sutchers when you're nursing. This is all normal! (Unless you have a fever in which case there maybe an infection and you need to call the doctor ASAP).
(10) If you have pain medication and feel like a whole pill is making you too loopy to be up with the baby, try quartering or halfing the pill ... if you do quarters then take a quarter every hour instead on every 4 hours taking a whole pill. That way you don't get wasted but are able to manage the pain in recovery. (Note: You should talk to a medical professional prior to altering any drugs.)
(11) Almost all of my post pardum "mood" was centered on the fact that I had a c-section rather than a natural birth. I do think those feeling were (and continue to be) valid, but try not to waste your thoughts on it. It is unnecessary negative energy that keeps you from healing!
(12) ...kind of personal here... You still need to wait to have sex even though you didn't have a vaginal delivery as your body is raw/effected from carrying the child and if you had any form of labor it is effected that way too. It is still going to hurt the first time --- but not for too long, and not nearly as much as those who have major tears or cuts from their delivery. A little personal c-section bonus :)
(13) Granny Panties. Learn to love them. You do not want your underwear line rubbing up against your incision and you'll still be a bit swollen so I recommend the kind that go up to your bellybutton. Soft, washed and ready to go at the hospital and probably some more for at home ... you'll probably want to toss them after the first few days and then again after 4 weeks or so ...
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Pink Stuff, Part II
About noon yesterday Raymond's fever finally broke! We thought we were moving in the right direction ...
he continued to pull on his ears and be fussy but surely we were getting better. He was up screaming all through the night, but for some dumb reason I never thought to turn on the light to look at him when I went in to comfort him (Baby Sleep101, keep it dark for them to go back to sleep).
Morgan got up at about 7:00 to find Raymond COVERED in a very angry rash. Okay, this could be good. If he has Roseola the fever had broken and this is the end of the virus rash. Probably that is all it is. But I called the doctor just in case ... he could be having an allergic reaction to the amoxacillin or we could need to look at all of his sickness from a different perspective.
Our doctor's office is open on the weekends (yay!) and the nurse had us come in at noon to see if it was an allergic reaction. And then we learned ... drum roll please ... Raymond is allergic to THE PINK STUFF! Once again, should have known when I dropped that first bottle!
The doctor prepared us for some of the challenges we need to be aware of as parents with a child who is allergic to penicillin drugs - most importantly to beware of Urgent Care/ER/Other Drs offices when treating Strep Throat. Apparently some practices just give a massive penicillin shot, which the doctor said would be devastating for Raymond. We also need to be prepared to travel with antibiotics abroad to protect him there too.
I also learned that amoxacillin is only 30% effective in treating ear infections ANYWAY. DAMN IT.
And on that note, while the left ear has cleared up, the right ear is in very bad shape ... the drum close to being inflames enough to burst. So, not only is he allergic to The Pink Stuff, it also didn't work at all and his ear infection has spread and is much worse in the other ear. So now we're on treatment plan number 4 for this week, which includes a different antibiotic (zythromuacin ... probably didn't spell that right) and may or may not include travel for Thanksgiving. If this treatment works we should be okay, but at this point I am not making any promises.
THIS IS SO HARD. At least Morgan is home now to help.
he continued to pull on his ears and be fussy but surely we were getting better. He was up screaming all through the night, but for some dumb reason I never thought to turn on the light to look at him when I went in to comfort him (Baby Sleep101, keep it dark for them to go back to sleep).
Morgan got up at about 7:00 to find Raymond COVERED in a very angry rash. Okay, this could be good. If he has Roseola the fever had broken and this is the end of the virus rash. Probably that is all it is. But I called the doctor just in case ... he could be having an allergic reaction to the amoxacillin or we could need to look at all of his sickness from a different perspective.
Our doctor's office is open on the weekends (yay!) and the nurse had us come in at noon to see if it was an allergic reaction. And then we learned ... drum roll please ... Raymond is allergic to THE PINK STUFF! Once again, should have known when I dropped that first bottle!
The doctor prepared us for some of the challenges we need to be aware of as parents with a child who is allergic to penicillin drugs - most importantly to beware of Urgent Care/ER/Other Drs offices when treating Strep Throat. Apparently some practices just give a massive penicillin shot, which the doctor said would be devastating for Raymond. We also need to be prepared to travel with antibiotics abroad to protect him there too.
I also learned that amoxacillin is only 30% effective in treating ear infections ANYWAY. DAMN IT.
And on that note, while the left ear has cleared up, the right ear is in very bad shape ... the drum close to being inflames enough to burst. So, not only is he allergic to The Pink Stuff, it also didn't work at all and his ear infection has spread and is much worse in the other ear. So now we're on treatment plan number 4 for this week, which includes a different antibiotic (zythromuacin ... probably didn't spell that right) and may or may not include travel for Thanksgiving. If this treatment works we should be okay, but at this point I am not making any promises.
THIS IS SO HARD. At least Morgan is home now to help.
Friday, November 19, 2010
The Pink Stuff
I remember segments of childhood more than specific occurrences. Of those segments, I clearly remember my ear infections and … THE PINK STUFF … the yummy cure all that lived in the fridge and sometimes I would even pretend to not be feeling well to get a taste. (Result: The last time I took amoxicillin I got a terrible rash! I’m done with it … tapped out on being able to use it, or any other drugs in the penicillin family, when I get sick)
Amoxicillin. Yummy and YUCKY. And Necessary.
In my various waves of mother purism I hoped to never have to give Raymond antibiotics before he was a year old. It was my personal goal. Yet another goal that was either totally unrealistic or I failed.
On Monday I took Raymond into the doctor early in the morning and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection … in his weird ear with a narrow ear canal where if there are any complications he will have to have a CT Scan. Even though his fever was not raging and there was a chance his body could overcome the infection on its own I felt certain, in that moment, that a little Pink Stuff was better than strapping him down and putting him in a scary machine.
(At the same time I was also thinking of a dear friend who has a baby girl that temporarily lost hearing due to ear infections before she was one year old.)
I get the prescription, come home and open it to give him the first dose and drop the entire bottle of amoxicillin everywhere. Hot pink bubble gum stain on my pants, all over the floor, splatter on the walls. Gross. Luckily my brother in law was here and got the dog out (it would NOT have been good for Cooper to get into The Pink Stuff) and cleaned it up while I teetered on breakdown. I should have taken this as a sign that I shouldn’t give it to him. But NO, I go back to the pharmacy and pay full price for a second bottle to help my baby.
Wednesday rolls around and he still has a fever – now it is slightly higher – and he has started grabbing the base of his head and crying. His neck appears swollen and is very sensitive to the touch. Back to the doctor with great fears of meningitis or other scary things associated with brain swelling. Two and a half hours later, after extensive exams, two doctors, blood and urine testing we know: Raymond does not have an ear infection anymore, he does not have meningitis, there is no bacteria in his blood, there is no bacteria in his urine, and his viral blood count is incredibly high – so high in fact that one of the doctors said it is the highest she has seen. My directions give him Tylenol and keep him hydrated, call back if the fever isn’t going tomorrow.
OK, a virus, we can deal with this … part of life … part of being a baby…
Yesterday comes and things seem a lot better until Raymond fever goes back up and I cannot get it down with Tylenol. And he has stopped eating, still nursing but no “solids” or water. Back on the phone with the doctor… virus hasn’t run its course yet, if it started on Wednesday then we should expect him to have a fever today.
Round and round we go. I should say that I am very happy with the care we have been getting with our doctor(s). My frustration is not with them but with the virus. It is so aggressive. Today Raymond woke up in obvious pain, high fever, etc. It took me two hours to cheer him up and for the fever to go down … which is very odd for my baby. I just have to let it be, I can’t fix it, I can’t do anything! DAMN VIRUS.
So what happened … he got an ear infection, we gave him The Pink Stuff, which in turn voided out his immune system and WHAM he got his with this virus. A terrible aggressive virus … just like all the medical literature says will happen with antibiotics. And the kicker is, now that I've bought in, I have to complete the course of treatment - so finnish the bottle! We're not done with The Pink Stuff!
I am left feeing much less assured that I did the right thing to get rid of the ear infection and feeling guilty as hell that I let him get exposed to the virus.
All the damn pro-biotic supplementation we do couldn’t stand up to The Pink Stuff.
I hate it, but I know it won’t be the last time I’ve got to use it.
Amoxicillin. Yummy and YUCKY. And Necessary.
In my various waves of mother purism I hoped to never have to give Raymond antibiotics before he was a year old. It was my personal goal. Yet another goal that was either totally unrealistic or I failed.
On Monday I took Raymond into the doctor early in the morning and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection … in his weird ear with a narrow ear canal where if there are any complications he will have to have a CT Scan. Even though his fever was not raging and there was a chance his body could overcome the infection on its own I felt certain, in that moment, that a little Pink Stuff was better than strapping him down and putting him in a scary machine.
(At the same time I was also thinking of a dear friend who has a baby girl that temporarily lost hearing due to ear infections before she was one year old.)
I get the prescription, come home and open it to give him the first dose and drop the entire bottle of amoxicillin everywhere. Hot pink bubble gum stain on my pants, all over the floor, splatter on the walls. Gross. Luckily my brother in law was here and got the dog out (it would NOT have been good for Cooper to get into The Pink Stuff) and cleaned it up while I teetered on breakdown. I should have taken this as a sign that I shouldn’t give it to him. But NO, I go back to the pharmacy and pay full price for a second bottle to help my baby.
Wednesday rolls around and he still has a fever – now it is slightly higher – and he has started grabbing the base of his head and crying. His neck appears swollen and is very sensitive to the touch. Back to the doctor with great fears of meningitis or other scary things associated with brain swelling. Two and a half hours later, after extensive exams, two doctors, blood and urine testing we know: Raymond does not have an ear infection anymore, he does not have meningitis, there is no bacteria in his blood, there is no bacteria in his urine, and his viral blood count is incredibly high – so high in fact that one of the doctors said it is the highest she has seen. My directions give him Tylenol and keep him hydrated, call back if the fever isn’t going tomorrow.
OK, a virus, we can deal with this … part of life … part of being a baby…
Yesterday comes and things seem a lot better until Raymond fever goes back up and I cannot get it down with Tylenol. And he has stopped eating, still nursing but no “solids” or water. Back on the phone with the doctor… virus hasn’t run its course yet, if it started on Wednesday then we should expect him to have a fever today.
Round and round we go. I should say that I am very happy with the care we have been getting with our doctor(s). My frustration is not with them but with the virus. It is so aggressive. Today Raymond woke up in obvious pain, high fever, etc. It took me two hours to cheer him up and for the fever to go down … which is very odd for my baby. I just have to let it be, I can’t fix it, I can’t do anything! DAMN VIRUS.
So what happened … he got an ear infection, we gave him The Pink Stuff, which in turn voided out his immune system and WHAM he got his with this virus. A terrible aggressive virus … just like all the medical literature says will happen with antibiotics. And the kicker is, now that I've bought in, I have to complete the course of treatment - so finnish the bottle! We're not done with The Pink Stuff!
I am left feeing much less assured that I did the right thing to get rid of the ear infection and feeling guilty as hell that I let him get exposed to the virus.
All the damn pro-biotic supplementation we do couldn’t stand up to The Pink Stuff.
I hate it, but I know it won’t be the last time I’ve got to use it.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It is not nice to blame someone else for your problems.
Yesterday I talked to two good friends about the challenges introduced into marriage by being a parent. Across the board it seems that having a child presents more challenges to marriage than the dreaded “first year” of marriage – probably because so many people live together before they are married and have already made that adjustment in today’s world. Of course, conversations like this always come at a time of some internal struggle which maybe to personal to share in the old blog. But, alas I do think that the introspective nature of my quest to evolve is worth sharing – or at least worth writing about as it helps me grow.
Basically I am mad as hell that Morgan has a life outside of our family. Rational, NO. Right, NO. Bitchy and unrealistic, YES. But what are you going to do about it? Sometimes you just feel the way you feel and you have to have a little journey to get over it.
So what am I really mad about? It is hard to say. Identifying what you are really upset about in your life is SO MUCH harder than blaming someone else. My poor husband, it is so easy to blame him for my feelings! Okay, sometimes he earns a little of the blame … but it is in my best interest to evolve.
I think there is a lot of guilt in motherhood for needing something outside of mothering - I love my new job and that is fulfilling a lot of my brain needs – and I LOVE RAYMOND – and he fills my heart and soul every moment of the day. But I am honestly lacking in the friendship area. I have many dear friends that I can talk to all the time – but my “life” cannot be centered on the phone/email/Facebook only. Right? And I’m pissed that Morgan has made connections in that area where I am just starting too. Just pissed. I want him to stay home and be my best friend all the time because I am missing a part of human interaction in my world. Is that fair to him? No, of course not … but it is so much easier for him because he isn’t the primary care giver.
So, what can I immediately do to stop being mad at him? Ideas? It isn’t fair or right and I have to get over it. And get over feeling guilty that I need more in my life than being a mother. Is there a breast feeding friendly pill I can take to resolve all the irrational emotional turmoil that I put myself through?
Basically I am mad as hell that Morgan has a life outside of our family. Rational, NO. Right, NO. Bitchy and unrealistic, YES. But what are you going to do about it? Sometimes you just feel the way you feel and you have to have a little journey to get over it.
So what am I really mad about? It is hard to say. Identifying what you are really upset about in your life is SO MUCH harder than blaming someone else. My poor husband, it is so easy to blame him for my feelings! Okay, sometimes he earns a little of the blame … but it is in my best interest to evolve.
I think there is a lot of guilt in motherhood for needing something outside of mothering - I love my new job and that is fulfilling a lot of my brain needs – and I LOVE RAYMOND – and he fills my heart and soul every moment of the day. But I am honestly lacking in the friendship area. I have many dear friends that I can talk to all the time – but my “life” cannot be centered on the phone/email/Facebook only. Right? And I’m pissed that Morgan has made connections in that area where I am just starting too. Just pissed. I want him to stay home and be my best friend all the time because I am missing a part of human interaction in my world. Is that fair to him? No, of course not … but it is so much easier for him because he isn’t the primary care giver.
So, what can I immediately do to stop being mad at him? Ideas? It isn’t fair or right and I have to get over it. And get over feeling guilty that I need more in my life than being a mother. Is there a breast feeding friendly pill I can take to resolve all the irrational emotional turmoil that I put myself through?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I need my mommy!
The first week of my job Raymond had a hard time ... but it seemed to have leveled off until today. We have sitters come in when I need to go to meetings and there is a pretty regular routine. Today, however, as soon as I got back from my lunch meeting he it was on. No walking away, no putting down - my baby wanted to be held and have his mommy at all times.
On one hand I feel touched to be so needed - us moms do get off on being needed after all. But mainly I feel totally guilty about have sitters come in two days in a row. At least I was able to give him my full attention once I was home. I think that is the most important part - to really focus with the time I have.
On one hand I feel touched to be so needed - us moms do get off on being needed after all. But mainly I feel totally guilty about have sitters come in two days in a row. At least I was able to give him my full attention once I was home. I think that is the most important part - to really focus with the time I have.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Halloween!
Halloween
I believe that coming from a divorced family has made me a bit odd about the holidays. Which is strange because I hate the divorced-mom/single-mom syndrome that my mom has about Christmas … always trying to make up for the fact that there isn’t a dad around for me. This is probably intensified by the fact that I have two traumatic daddy abandonment issues around holidays. (1) My dad decided not to see me anymore at Christmas, and when he told this to my mom right before Christmas she had a heart attack and was hospitalized and I was at Grandmother’s house for Christmas without either of my parents at like age 4 or 5. (2) I was trick or treating in downtown Gatlinburg (I know, classy) at 5 or 6 and walked into my dad’s restaurant and saw him eating and walked up to say hello and he told me to leave and go to my mother … then I started crying and he didn’t even get up, he had the waitress escort me out and he told me I shouldn’t come back to the restaurant ever again.
As a result I am determined to make holidays wonderful for Raymond. The Easter Bunny came this year (sometimes he forgets babies before they can remember – but not Raymond!), we were all dressed up like Bees for Halloween last night and Christmas will be at home – always. My kid will wake up at home for Christmas … he just will. It is our family tradition.
I know I’m a little militant about my family holiday dreams – and I am a little conflicted. Halloween, for example, has been a holiday about live music and big parties for about 15 years. Last year I was here with my mom very pregnant and we greeted trick or treaters as we sat in camping chairs – the only seating we had – and watched movies. Morgan was in California for Phish’s Festival 8 … I had tickets too but gave them up at the last minute because I was just too preggers. So this year was the first year that we were all together in the family friendly Halloween and it was nice. We’ll have the memories of carving pumpkins and dressing up for our baby boy forever, even if he doesn’t. I do think it is important, at least to me if not our whole family, to be making the shift into creating holidays for Raymond rather than ourselves. I feel very blessed that it worked out that way!
I believe that coming from a divorced family has made me a bit odd about the holidays. Which is strange because I hate the divorced-mom/single-mom syndrome that my mom has about Christmas … always trying to make up for the fact that there isn’t a dad around for me. This is probably intensified by the fact that I have two traumatic daddy abandonment issues around holidays. (1) My dad decided not to see me anymore at Christmas, and when he told this to my mom right before Christmas she had a heart attack and was hospitalized and I was at Grandmother’s house for Christmas without either of my parents at like age 4 or 5. (2) I was trick or treating in downtown Gatlinburg (I know, classy) at 5 or 6 and walked into my dad’s restaurant and saw him eating and walked up to say hello and he told me to leave and go to my mother … then I started crying and he didn’t even get up, he had the waitress escort me out and he told me I shouldn’t come back to the restaurant ever again.
As a result I am determined to make holidays wonderful for Raymond. The Easter Bunny came this year (sometimes he forgets babies before they can remember – but not Raymond!), we were all dressed up like Bees for Halloween last night and Christmas will be at home – always. My kid will wake up at home for Christmas … he just will. It is our family tradition.
I know I’m a little militant about my family holiday dreams – and I am a little conflicted. Halloween, for example, has been a holiday about live music and big parties for about 15 years. Last year I was here with my mom very pregnant and we greeted trick or treaters as we sat in camping chairs – the only seating we had – and watched movies. Morgan was in California for Phish’s Festival 8 … I had tickets too but gave them up at the last minute because I was just too preggers. So this year was the first year that we were all together in the family friendly Halloween and it was nice. We’ll have the memories of carving pumpkins and dressing up for our baby boy forever, even if he doesn’t. I do think it is important, at least to me if not our whole family, to be making the shift into creating holidays for Raymond rather than ourselves. I feel very blessed that it worked out that way!
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