Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Do what you want - Yea RIGHT!

Last night we tried a few new things in the Vickery home, mostly focused on trying to get Raymond into a bedtime routine that is not nursing to sleep and getting Mamma to Yoga at 7:00 pm.  Morgan came home early (6:25) to make sure I could get to Yoga and to work on the new Raymond bedtime routine. I had news for him when he arrived - Raymond had his first for real diaper rash. 

You think at nearly 7 months we would have already passed this milestone, but now, out of no where his entire front and back and down his legs were COVERED in the rash, he was screaming in pain when I changed his diaper and used a disposable wipe and couldn't be put down, etc without also suffering.  It was terrible when I realized all of this at 5:00 pm - I even called the doctor (for a diaper rash!) as I was so startled by his suffering.  I was about to talk myself out of my Yoga class to make sure Raymond was okay --- but my internal dialogue took a shift and I decided that Morgan would be fine for 2 hours.  FINE.  And it is just a diaper rash after all...

I had just a few minutes to run down the diaper rash care before running out the door - wash with soap and water and a wash cloth, use a cool wash cloth to make sure all the soap is off, let totally dry and then COVER in zinc based diaper rash cream.  Whatever you do DO NOT USE DISPOSABLE WIPES - and whew, I was out the door.  As we have reusable bamboo wipes in a warmer beside the changing table and all the other necessities I did not think this would be a big deal. 

I had an awesome Hatha Yoga class and was feeling totally restored!  I came home to an empty front room with toys all over the floor and hearing Raymond screaming in his room and went straight to him.  It was actually pretty adorable, he reached for me and said "Mamma" (there were witnesses!) and kissed my face (or tried to suck on my face, either way adorable!) and I went to nurse him to calm him down. 

Morgan came in to finish his dinner and was obviously grumpy.  I asked what was wrong and he said "I just had to deal with a crying baby for 2 hours, I'm in a bad mood."  Okay, I understand this, God knows he has come home to me in a similar state many many times.  Raymond fell asleep and I took him in and put him down in his crib and he automatically woke up screaming I reached down to pick him back up and realized his sheet was freezing and soaking wet.  Morgan forgot to tell me/change the sheet from the wetness associated with the whole diaper area cleaning...

I gave him to Morgan to calm down while I changed the sheet ... and in looking around Raymond's room I discovered many things.  (1) There were clothes on the floor between the dresser and changer (2) the drawers to the dresser were all half way open (3) the disposable wipe container was on the floor (4) there were 3 reusable wipes that were wet on the changing table and on the floor (5) all of the nicely folded clothes in the dresser were tossed around making no sense at all.  I began to realize I must have missed quite an episode. 

While I was straightening up Morgan went back to trying to get Raymond to sleep.  He read him a story in a very flat "I'm so pissed off right" now voice, he walked around with him, he looked at me grumpily and asked if I had any suggestions ... I finally took Raymond back and we went through nursing, walking around, singing songs, etc - I finally thought he might be asleep and got into the shower at 10 but he was still crying until Morgan was finally able to get him to sleep at 10:30. 

As we crawled into bed Morgan's bad mood was really starting to get to me.  I asked him if something else was wrong ... we talked for a while and he finally admitted: "I know this is what you deal with every day - but - I just couldn't do what I wanted to do and take care of Raymond ... none of his toys were interesting, I couldn't get him to stop crying." 

( -He gets major kudos for giving me some props and understanding that my day isn't about what I want to do at ALL with Raymond - )

For all of you moms out there I'm sure you can appreciate that I was tying very hard to be sympathetic and not laugh out loud at this statement.  Really?  You were not able to do what you wanted to do?  You had to adjust all your activities around Raymond? 

We laughed about it this morning and I think Morgan has recovered from 2 hours of not being able to do what he wanted to do.  I hope so anyway, as I plan to go back to the Yoga class next week. 

This comic relief got me through getting up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30 and 6:30 with Raymond.  Man, it would have been so cool to do what I wanted to do and sleep through the night.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Baby Raymond is the best, brightest and youngest HeadCount volunteer!

I write too much about changes, frustrations and things that I miss or struggle with ... I really use the blog more like a journal than anything else.  It is a good thing my husband does not read it (hehe).  Tonight, however, I would like to reflect on my AWESOME Saturday afternoon/night. 

Morgan and I have volunteered with HeadCount (http://www.headcount.org/) since 2004.  HeadCount is a national, nonpartisan, nonprofit voter registration organization that started in the "jam band" communtity but has since reached out to other genres of music, local events and much more.  Anyway, we've been registering voters at concerts for 6 years now.  After I got pregnant and we moved to North Carolina I took a more "behind the scenes" role and we have both missed being in the field terribly - becuase we miss the civic engagement and miss seeing so much great music!  (Okay, living in Raleigh vs. San Francisco might also have to do with the lack of music ...)

Due to a variety of reasons it looks like I'll be running the Raleigh team until the election on November 2, 2010 - and I must admit I have been seriously jonesing to get into the field for a while.  The Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area is ripe with opportunities to do voter registration and the senate race is very competative this year ... not to mention all of the state politics.  Raleigh is the capital after all.  I see opportunity everywhere and it is hard for me not to jump on it! 

For some time we have been scheduled to work the Jack Johnson/ALO/G Love concert in Raleigh last night - it was planned intially as a big night out doing something we love - but after the tables turned it became something we were responsible for ... which was all well and good until our babysitter canceled for band practice.  We couldn't find a replacement so we took Raymond to the show to work the HeadCount booth and for his first big time concert! 

How much more family friendly can you get then a Jack Johnson show?  How much more nonprofit friendly can you get than a Jack Johnson show? 

Raymond was AMAZING.  We arrived at 3:45 and he hung out with us all afternoon and registered voters without a peep at the booth - and THEN was happy as a lark (with earplugs) to enjoy the show and dance the night away with mommy and daddy in the lawn until 11:30.  He also got to meet Jack Johnson!  There is a photo - but Jack's photographer took it so hopefully I'll get a copy to share. 

Morgan and I totally got to reconnect to an acitvity that is very meaningful for us and have a great day and night!  And while working a show for HeadCount is like putting on your favorite comfortable pair of jeans - doing it with Raymond was new, wonderful and easy. I feel really blessed to have had the expereince and such a wonderful day with my boys!

Its funny that the day to day, family vacations, holidays, etc all present challenges and sometimes frustrations in learning how to do things with Raymond ... but music is easy.  I guess that is becuase it is at the core of our tradition. 

Don't forget to VOTE November 2, 2010!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Vacation and "The Schedule"

As you probably know there are millions of ideas on scheduling your baby - millions.  And somewhere in all that research and literature you're supposed to find your own way for what is right for you and your child.  I have had the luxury of not working, which has in turn given me the chance to be pretty loose on "the schedule." I adhere to the baby-lead schedule philosophy and have created our routine around Raymond rather than creating a routine for him.  I also believe that the security that a routine provides babies can be achieved just in the pattern of the day - not the exact timing. 

The evolution of our schedule has gone something like this -

Newborn: Sleep when baby sleeps, nurse baby on demand, sleep, no sleep, sleep
1-4 Months: 5:30 am wake up, nurse, play, ... sleep ... only real change is that naps became more regular ... and sleeping at least 6 hours at a time at night
5-6 Months: Wake up around 7 or 8, nurse on demand, play play play, nap at 10 ish, "solid" meal at noonish, play play play, nap at 2ish, play - nurse - play - nurse - play OR go to daycare at gym, eat rice cereal at 6 ish, bath, nurse, play, reading time, nurse, sleep by 8:30/9:00

Last week we went to the beach with almost all of Morgan's maternal family - there were approx 25 of us there for the week and it was a serious challenge to the routine.  All of my theory that not being too strict on the schedule would enable us to go on trips/ have changes more easily is, it turns out, total bullshit. 

Breaking up the routine for the family gathering made more work and a lot more frustration for Morgan, Raymond and me.  This is what I learned: (1) There is no such thing as vacation if you're a mom. (2) Dads still find time to do all of their fun vacation activities while mom takes care of the baby.  (3) The family expects you and the baby to be perky, adorable and fun on demand based on what their schedule is. 

I did have lots of loving hands to help with Raymond and over the course of a week I was able to go to the beach three times, once just to jump in, and twice for about an hour to lay out and relax.  Morgan, Raymond and  I went down together twice, the first time Raymond hated it so much I had to come back and take care of him right away while Morgan swam and the second time was perfect, we all sat in the surf and played with the sand and water for a while.  I never got to go swimming in the ocean with Morgan. 

And somewhere in the planning for this vacation I assumed that Morgan would pick up a lot of what I normally do with Raymond - and we would have fun doing it together or I would have a break.  And he tried, he did, but plain and simple, Raymond is my full time job and Morgan can't just take it on or step in like that.  And maybe I shouldn't expect him to - I honestly don't know.  By the end of beach week I learned a lot about what my expectations should be when traveling with Raymond.  Next time I will be better prepared emotionally for what to expect instead of having pipe dreams about relaxing like a non-mom.  Those days are behind me. 

For the past week I have struggled to get us back into any kind of pattern and am totally exhausted - the fact that Raymond has teeth breaking through left and right isn't helping - but I have great hopes that come Monday he'll be more settled into being home and I'll be able to get back to the gym and into having some moments for myself.  Those moments are very important and I now know why many moms cling to "the schedule."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Crawler!

For a month or so it has been coming, any minute.  We've watched Raymond crawl one "step" and then forget how, we've seen him push himself in circle after circle, we've seen him get into "plank" position and onto his knees - but this weekend did it - we now have an all out crawler.

I tear up when I see his new independence - and how happy he is with himself as he makes progress and reached his goals.  I'm frustrated that what he seems to want the most are shoes - and he wants to put them in his mouth!  I'm terrified that we haven't really "baby proofed" yet and even more concerned that the TV is going to fall on top of him (can I rationalize getting a all mounted flat screen for safety?). 

Most of all I can't figure out how to keep up.  The Funky Farmyard isn't big enough, a twin comforter isn't big enough, a king size quilt isn't big enough.  If I look away for a second he is across the room!  I am seriously considering making a "track" that goes around our house and has activity stations along the way to interest him. 

Thursday, August 5, 2010

ReUSE -

It is one thing to get a hand me down from friends, but another to actually buy second hand clothing and baby gear for your child.  I think there is a little part of your mind that just plain old wants the best, newest, cleanest and coolest for your baby.  Which is great if you have a budget for "stuff" but I do not. 

In the past six months I have seen Raymond's needs evolve so quickly that I have been mentally preparing myself to buy second hand, but the only shop that I knew of is just okay - and never has anything I need right when I need it.  On Tuesday I drove all the way out to North Raleigh to check out another shop and it was CLOSED when I got there (note: remember to call to make sure places are still in businesses in this economy).  Yesterday I found an AWESOME shop that I have driven past dozens of times.  Kid to Kid - it is a chain second hand shop.  Their store is clean and well organized, their staff is helpful, they are very selective about what they buy and their prices are great!  YAY! 

I was able to get the Bumbo seat that I have wanted for a while with the trey for half of the price I would have spent buying it new - and it is in GREAT shape.  It looks new enough to me.  Morgan still didn't approve of my purchase as a real need - but when we are at the beach for the next week without a high chair I think he will change his tune. 

Tired & Cranky Mommy

Raymond will be waking up shortly. so this will be rather brief in the world of my blog entries.  I am feeling totally spent.  I am angry, my nerves are shot, I'm having a terrible time sleeping because I am letting worries monopolize my mind. And as a result I don't feel like I am being as very good mom or wife, which then makes me fell guilty which also keeps me up at night. 

I don't know what it is ... what has triggered this.  It has been building up over the past couple of weeks - last Friday I was on the verge of loosing it while I cleaned the house.  I felt so guilty for putting Raymond in his crib and leaving him there with toys while I ran around cleaning for 2 hours. (I was checking on him and he had toys and was fine, but I am used to playing with him!) I resented every minute I was spending away from him.  And since then it has just escalated.

What confuses me is that I thought by starting my new routine of going to the gym I would be fulfilling my physical needs which would help me emotionally and be fulfilling for me emotionally because I am doing something for myself.  But no - it has been a month and I am just tired and cranky.

What is a stay at home mom to do to get renewed? Babysitter is not in the budget.  The gym is the only place where I have any sort of childcare arrangement.  Husband is wiped out and distracted when he gets off of work - and he really just wants to play with Raymond at the end of the day - which does give me the chance to shower but doesn't really do much for overall renewal.  Stupid TV gets turned onto baseball and husband stops talking after TV is on and then passes out in front of TV.  Can't wait for football season.

I know the greatest gift in the world is my time with Raymond right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is also all the time on point for my baby boy.  I need a "Dude" day - or something of the like - but I don't think I get to ever have a day off again.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Vaccines

Today at 2:15 pm I take Raymond to the doctor for his 6 month check up which includes the dreaded vaccines!  I hate it I hate it I hate it.  I have rescheduled the appointment 3 times as I have tried to prepare myself with the perfect 36 hours to have him process the shots. 

I feel like we have made the right decision to keep Raymond on a traditional vaccine schedule (with the exception of refusing the Hepatitis B vaccine at birth but allowed him to get it at 2 weeks).  I thought about it long and hard and did a lot of research before we had him.  I also think it helps that our pediatricians office really took the time to talk to us about the vaccines before we started them and were willing to adjust the schedule based on what we felt was best.  My defensive gaurd didn't pop up as much due to this communication. 

I was not totally sold on keeping the schedule even after we had decided that we would do vaccines becuase I had heard about how hard getting all the shots at once could be on the baby - but then as I looked at our lives and how much we travel it was apparent that it was best to get Raymond protected as early as possible.  We flew to San Francisco, which is a hot spot for even rare diseses due to the number of immigrants and travelers that come into the area, when Raymond was just over 2 1/2 months.  This trip motivitated me to get things going and now we are in it.

I made the first time mom mistake of letting him get his first series of shots right before a road trip to DC to see Morgan's family in April.  He cried and pooped the whole way - it took us like 8 hours to get there and we all felt terrible.  But the next morning Raymond felt great.  The next round came at 4 months and Morgan and I put nothing in the agenda other than having a stress free loving day with Raymond.  He did not feel well for 36 hours and it was miserable. But then he bounced right back and didn't even cry later that week when he got his first two teeth! 

So today I am prepared for at least 36 unhappy hours.  I am trying to make sure he gets a good nap in this morning --- and have everything done around the house so I can focus on him.  Morgan will be home late tonight so it will be all me for the sad baby boy!  I just want to hold him, nurse him and love on him while the vaccines make their mark and constantly remind myself that the MAJOR benefit is that we are trading 36 hours of not feeling great for the potential of getting really, dangerously sick.  Right? 

Trust the system! Trust the CDC! Trust the doctor!  These things are not in my nature but I am doing it.  I am trying.  It is just so hard when he is hurting as a result of me trusting "the man."