My husband is out of town for work all week, and it happens to be the busiest week of my part time (not so part time this week) job, my technology is failing me all around and Raymond is changing his sleep schedule to take one nap. I am blessed that I have a child that goes into these transitions easily. I, on the other hand, am not transitioning very well.
But in the heat of my frustration I find myself taking deep breaths and pausing and thinking of my mom. My parents were divorced (and her heart broken )when i was 3. During the summers we had a lot of family and friends around in Elkmont to help care for me - and close friends in Gatlinburg too - but really she did the day to day totally alone. And I think she did a great job.
The thought of my mother is inspiring. I can make it through and hope to be as wonderful as she was.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Coming soon: One less thing to worry about!
I continue to count down the days until Raymond’s birthday (5 ½ more to go!) with great anticipation. One of the many reasons is because after Raymond’s first birthday he is statistically out of the danger zone for a second bladder infection. Which means that every time he gets a fever over 101 I do not have to take him to the doctor and have a catheter done and that I no longer have to have a hidden nugget of guilt that my decision may cause him to have kidney damage. Whew.
Some background: Raymond is uncircumcised. I don’t really want to open this conversation up to debate about the “circumcision decision.” All I want to say is that Morgan and I did a lot of research and consultation which lead us to the decision not to circumcise and we are VERY pleased that we did not cosmetically and irrevocably alter our child.
But, despite our resolve, this decision was seconded guessed when Raymond got a bladder infection. This is the information I have --- DISCLAIMER, I am not a medical professional! --- Males under 1 year that are uncircumcised are more likely to get a bladder infection/UTI than circumcised males. Males that are uncircumcised that are older than 1 have almost no occurrence of bladder infections/UITs … among many other longer term benefits … here I am about to go off on my tangent … refocus. I think the statistic is that uncircumcised babies have 1 and 10,000 chance of getting an infection. However, after the first infection occurs, uncircumcised babies have 1 in 100 chance of getting a secondary infection (I am certain about the second statistic).
Okay, no big deal, right? Antibiotics will clear it up. That actually depends on who you ask. By the time the baby has a fever and you know there is an infection the bacteria has penetrated the kidneys and gotten into the blood stream, which could mean that your baby boy is at risk for kidney damage and or failure.
Why does the baby get the infection? Babies poop in diapers and before the foreskin retracts you cannot necessarily be 100% that you have gotten all of the poop out. A small particle of poop may get in the shaft and work its way back until it gets into the urinary tract and so forth. Additionally there may be other factors – such as urinary tract reflux – or other irregularities in the baby’s bladder and associated parts – that make the occurrence of a secondary infection more likely.
Back to our story: After we were properly diagnosed with the infection by our pediatrician we were referred to have some tests and imaging done of Raymond’s bladder, urinary tract, kidneys, etc. The main thing there were looking for was the reflux. We had an ultrasound done and then this terrible horrible dye/catheter/x-ray series done where there looked for the reflux. Raymond did not have any reflux BUT there was indication of a slightly dilated part of the uritar … dilated means it isn’t even narrowed! But the “abnormality” plus the fact that Raymond is uncircumcised meant that our pediatrician wanted us to see a specialist.
Side note: I love our thorough and thoughtful group of pediatricians but admittedly I am a little worn out on the culture of fear created by malpractice insurance. A topic of another time.
Specialist number 1: Total ASSHOLE. To start, he so unprofessional as to be loudly dictating notes about the client next to us so I knew all the specifics of our case … then he didn’t even LOOK at my child when examining him and was very cold … but moreover he pretty much told me that I was negligent for leaving Raymond uncircumcised because he would likely have kidney failure due to infections, that I was like his dumb Mexican clients for leaving him uncircumcised (I am biting back the fact that NO OTHER COUNRTY IN THE WORLD HAS ROUTINE CIRCUMCISION as a secular practice which was a part of our decision process) and then he recommends that I put Raymond on antibiotics for the FIRST YEAR of his life as a preventative measure to make sure there isn’t another infection. I won’t even go into the other blatantly racist actions by him and his staff towards Hispanic clients that I witnessed. I was so shocked by my experience there that I wrote a long letter to my pediatricians so they would be advised and consider if they wanted to make referrals to the doctor again.
The pediatricians passed my letter around and I got a call to apologize for the referral but also to state that they would like me to see someone else. There are about 10 doctors at my practice and they consulted and approx half felt I should put Raymond on antibiotics and a preemptive measure whereas the other half did not. I got the warning (my file was noted for their liability reasons I’m sure) and was referred to the big time pediatric urologist at Duke. Here we go AGAIN!
Specialist number 2: I got to Duke and Dr. Superspecialist looked at all of the images and records for Raymond and couldn’t figure out what exactly what the “irregularity” as the dilatation was well within “normal range.” He did say that it was good that I followed up to be certain. He also told me that unless there is a real serious irregularity he never recommends the use of preemptive antibiotics as the current studies show that it only helps 1 in 7 children whereas the rest of them still get bladder infections and also suffer the effects of being on long term antibiotics when there is no bad bacteria – basically totally voiding their immune systems and altering their bacterial flora for life. Exactly what I wanted to hear and what I knew to be true from all the research we did prior to making the “circumcision decision.”
Despite this report the way I was treated by the first doctor had left an inkling of guilt in my heart and soul that my baby boy could hurt or really be hurt by our decision not to circumcise. It is really pathetic that I have held onto it as I know so much about the benefits he will experience as a result. But the 1 in 100 statistic is very real and I have dutifully kept my eye on any fevers, had 1 extra catheter and held just a little bit of my breath in worry.
I should also admit, maybe for the first time, that part of my fear was not only for Raymond but for myself as I have been so vocal in our family and community about our decision that if Raymond had complications as a result I would have been wrong. And all those who stand in slight silent judgment of our decision would feel validated. Which is also ridiculous because it isn’t like he would have ever had a moment to had kidney damage as we have been so proactive in his care. But these are the worries you carry around as a mother.
5 ½ more days until one less worry …
Some background: Raymond is uncircumcised. I don’t really want to open this conversation up to debate about the “circumcision decision.” All I want to say is that Morgan and I did a lot of research and consultation which lead us to the decision not to circumcise and we are VERY pleased that we did not cosmetically and irrevocably alter our child.
But, despite our resolve, this decision was seconded guessed when Raymond got a bladder infection. This is the information I have --- DISCLAIMER, I am not a medical professional! --- Males under 1 year that are uncircumcised are more likely to get a bladder infection/UTI than circumcised males. Males that are uncircumcised that are older than 1 have almost no occurrence of bladder infections/UITs … among many other longer term benefits … here I am about to go off on my tangent … refocus. I think the statistic is that uncircumcised babies have 1 and 10,000 chance of getting an infection. However, after the first infection occurs, uncircumcised babies have 1 in 100 chance of getting a secondary infection (I am certain about the second statistic).
Okay, no big deal, right? Antibiotics will clear it up. That actually depends on who you ask. By the time the baby has a fever and you know there is an infection the bacteria has penetrated the kidneys and gotten into the blood stream, which could mean that your baby boy is at risk for kidney damage and or failure.
Why does the baby get the infection? Babies poop in diapers and before the foreskin retracts you cannot necessarily be 100% that you have gotten all of the poop out. A small particle of poop may get in the shaft and work its way back until it gets into the urinary tract and so forth. Additionally there may be other factors – such as urinary tract reflux – or other irregularities in the baby’s bladder and associated parts – that make the occurrence of a secondary infection more likely.
Back to our story: After we were properly diagnosed with the infection by our pediatrician we were referred to have some tests and imaging done of Raymond’s bladder, urinary tract, kidneys, etc. The main thing there were looking for was the reflux. We had an ultrasound done and then this terrible horrible dye/catheter/x-ray series done where there looked for the reflux. Raymond did not have any reflux BUT there was indication of a slightly dilated part of the uritar … dilated means it isn’t even narrowed! But the “abnormality” plus the fact that Raymond is uncircumcised meant that our pediatrician wanted us to see a specialist.
Side note: I love our thorough and thoughtful group of pediatricians but admittedly I am a little worn out on the culture of fear created by malpractice insurance. A topic of another time.
Specialist number 1: Total ASSHOLE. To start, he so unprofessional as to be loudly dictating notes about the client next to us so I knew all the specifics of our case … then he didn’t even LOOK at my child when examining him and was very cold … but moreover he pretty much told me that I was negligent for leaving Raymond uncircumcised because he would likely have kidney failure due to infections, that I was like his dumb Mexican clients for leaving him uncircumcised (I am biting back the fact that NO OTHER COUNRTY IN THE WORLD HAS ROUTINE CIRCUMCISION as a secular practice which was a part of our decision process) and then he recommends that I put Raymond on antibiotics for the FIRST YEAR of his life as a preventative measure to make sure there isn’t another infection. I won’t even go into the other blatantly racist actions by him and his staff towards Hispanic clients that I witnessed. I was so shocked by my experience there that I wrote a long letter to my pediatricians so they would be advised and consider if they wanted to make referrals to the doctor again.
The pediatricians passed my letter around and I got a call to apologize for the referral but also to state that they would like me to see someone else. There are about 10 doctors at my practice and they consulted and approx half felt I should put Raymond on antibiotics and a preemptive measure whereas the other half did not. I got the warning (my file was noted for their liability reasons I’m sure) and was referred to the big time pediatric urologist at Duke. Here we go AGAIN!
Specialist number 2: I got to Duke and Dr. Superspecialist looked at all of the images and records for Raymond and couldn’t figure out what exactly what the “irregularity” as the dilatation was well within “normal range.” He did say that it was good that I followed up to be certain. He also told me that unless there is a real serious irregularity he never recommends the use of preemptive antibiotics as the current studies show that it only helps 1 in 7 children whereas the rest of them still get bladder infections and also suffer the effects of being on long term antibiotics when there is no bad bacteria – basically totally voiding their immune systems and altering their bacterial flora for life. Exactly what I wanted to hear and what I knew to be true from all the research we did prior to making the “circumcision decision.”
Despite this report the way I was treated by the first doctor had left an inkling of guilt in my heart and soul that my baby boy could hurt or really be hurt by our decision not to circumcise. It is really pathetic that I have held onto it as I know so much about the benefits he will experience as a result. But the 1 in 100 statistic is very real and I have dutifully kept my eye on any fevers, had 1 extra catheter and held just a little bit of my breath in worry.
I should also admit, maybe for the first time, that part of my fear was not only for Raymond but for myself as I have been so vocal in our family and community about our decision that if Raymond had complications as a result I would have been wrong. And all those who stand in slight silent judgment of our decision would feel validated. Which is also ridiculous because it isn’t like he would have ever had a moment to had kidney damage as we have been so proactive in his care. But these are the worries you carry around as a mother.
5 ½ more days until one less worry …
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Whew, I'm almost there!
As we approach Raymond’s first birthday (10 days away) I am struck with many, many thoughts about motherhood and my experience but most notably I am damn proud of myself for breastfeeding exclusively for a year. I did it. Yes, I am tooting my own damn horn and I am not going to feel bad about it. Not only did I do it but I loved it. Breastfeeding created a bond from his first day of life that I believe will last for the rest of my life, and possibly beyond … although I’m not really up for a metaphysical discussion at the moment.
I have only 3 other friends who have accomplished exclusive breastfeeding for the first year. I have several friends whose lifestyles (social, work, personality) didn’t accommodate breastfeeding and even more who were unable to physically breastfeed at all or who could only breastfeed for a short time. I know that with strong parents these children love their moms and will be just fine! I do not mean to suggest that I am a better mother for having a year in.
My life HAS been controlled by being a food source, but honestly, I haven’t noticed. I have said to several expectant friends that it is just a choice, you decide to alter your routine to support breastfeeding and embrace it OR you feel overwhelmed and possibly resent it down the line.
I feel incredibly blessed to have physically feed Raymond for his first year. I DO plan to start the weaning process (I’m really still on demand, except for nursing to sleep as he got so many teeth so early) after his first birthday. My goal is to be done by 18 months. I am not driven to this date by feeling like he’ll be getting too old but more because I want to teach him to love food and eat! Too often when we get out of our routine I don’t worry about getting him a “meal” or “snack” because I know he is getting everything he needs from me still.
As Raymond has had 1 cold (viral), 1 ear infection (70% chance viral, 30% chance bacterial), 1 bladder infection (bacterial) and 1 hand food and mouth disease (viral). I certainly cannot say he has never been sick as a result of my breast milk. I have struggled with feeling like my milk isn’t as good as everyone else’s because he has gotten sick, despite being breastfed and at home. I had the idea that breast milk would create a shield against sickness and that isn’t true. But you ARE making a healthier child and able to comfort and hydrate them with a substance stronger than any antibiotic to help get well!
I have only 3 other friends who have accomplished exclusive breastfeeding for the first year. I have several friends whose lifestyles (social, work, personality) didn’t accommodate breastfeeding and even more who were unable to physically breastfeed at all or who could only breastfeed for a short time. I know that with strong parents these children love their moms and will be just fine! I do not mean to suggest that I am a better mother for having a year in.
My life HAS been controlled by being a food source, but honestly, I haven’t noticed. I have said to several expectant friends that it is just a choice, you decide to alter your routine to support breastfeeding and embrace it OR you feel overwhelmed and possibly resent it down the line.
I feel incredibly blessed to have physically feed Raymond for his first year. I DO plan to start the weaning process (I’m really still on demand, except for nursing to sleep as he got so many teeth so early) after his first birthday. My goal is to be done by 18 months. I am not driven to this date by feeling like he’ll be getting too old but more because I want to teach him to love food and eat! Too often when we get out of our routine I don’t worry about getting him a “meal” or “snack” because I know he is getting everything he needs from me still.
As Raymond has had 1 cold (viral), 1 ear infection (70% chance viral, 30% chance bacterial), 1 bladder infection (bacterial) and 1 hand food and mouth disease (viral). I certainly cannot say he has never been sick as a result of my breast milk. I have struggled with feeling like my milk isn’t as good as everyone else’s because he has gotten sick, despite being breastfed and at home. I had the idea that breast milk would create a shield against sickness and that isn’t true. But you ARE making a healthier child and able to comfort and hydrate them with a substance stronger than any antibiotic to help get well!
Babies Babies Everywhere!
We have dear friends all over the country with newborns. It is so wonderful to know that they are experiencing the pure JOY of becoming parents, or in some cases having their second child.
I was particularly touched when reading the birth story of Miss Esther Pearl Sasser Strom this morning. As Sabrina put it, I too have been " robbed me of a lot of innate confidence that I had previously held that my body would know how to have a baby."
All of the preparation that we did for a natural birth went out the window when my blood pressure started rising. I do not regret any of the decisions or care I received in Raymond's birth. But it has created a disconnect from my hopes for a natural birth and ultimately from my confidence as a woman. Reading about Esther's birth has helped me remember what I wanted to experience!
YAY Sabrina, Eric and Esther! Thank you for sharing your story.
I was particularly touched when reading the birth story of Miss Esther Pearl Sasser Strom this morning. As Sabrina put it, I too have been " robbed me of a lot of innate confidence that I had previously held that my body would know how to have a baby."
All of the preparation that we did for a natural birth went out the window when my blood pressure started rising. I do not regret any of the decisions or care I received in Raymond's birth. But it has created a disconnect from my hopes for a natural birth and ultimately from my confidence as a woman. Reading about Esther's birth has helped me remember what I wanted to experience!
YAY Sabrina, Eric and Esther! Thank you for sharing your story.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Can't always plan for changes ...
When I was pregnant I had many ideals about the kind of parent I wanted to be. I now know that you can’t plan for that sort of thing – nor can you plan before you know your child. One of the most important characteristics I wanted to embrace was attachment parenting – and I know that I have succeeded in that regard. Additionally, I wanted to be a parent that had a flexible lifestyle and schedule for my baby. However, there is a caveat to my idealism. In August (approx 7 months) we started to let Raymond “cry it out” and developed a regular schedule. Really, it sounds much worse than it is – I promise. Despite the fact that it has worked and I am a believer in the method, I am still embarrassed to say I did it as I was SO certain I wouldn’t be that kind of mom.
After we went on the Morgan’s family annual beach trip Raymond’s schedule totally changed. He would no longer nurse to sleep … or to nap … and I had NO idea how to go about getting him to bed or in a regular sleep pattern. After reading the books, talking to the doctors and talking to friends it became evident that the most successful practice is “crying it out.” No, I thought over and over, NO NO NO. I am not going to be that mom. We will work this out.
But the most obvious thing to go had to be night time nursing. To this day, unless we are traveling and comfort is needed, no baba to go to bed. I’m really glad we made that change so long ago. I also know his teeth have benefited greatly!
Finally I gave in to trying to let him cry. We developed a naptime/night time routine, wrote down the schedule and let him go. It is simple really – bedtime: bath, PJs, song, bedtime – naptime: wash hands, book, song naptime … Ah, I’m one of those parents! For about 2 weeks we really struggled with the routine. We would let him cry for up to 10 minutes (this is physically painful!) and then go in and comfort him … sometimes we would have to do it 2 or 3 times. But it worked.
Crying it out did not mean let him scream and wail in the crib and not comfort him. For us it meant developing a pattern and routine that we could all adjust to and live with. The hard part is the adjustment and you have to determine where your tolerance is in the process. I think if we had not started seeing GREAT results after 2 weeks I would have tried something else.
We’ve crossed time zones, gotten new teeth, gone out to dinner late and missed naps. I am not a total slave to the schedule and Raymond does adapt well. Soon he, sorry we, will face two more big changes – weaning from nursing (I’m going to start the process after his first birthday with the hope of having him totally off by 18 mo if not before) and transitioning to one a day nap. He is showing signs of getting ready for the big nap move but I’m hoping he’ll hold out for a bit longer.
I have to be willing to embrace the hard work associated with these upcoming transitions … willing to see him cry, willing to face frustration on all our parts. I’m not looking to push either transition. What I now know as a mother is that you can’t plan for ANYTHING but have to let your child’s needs guide you and meet them with educated and strong direction as they change. I’m really blessed to be at home (even when I’m working) to be a part of this process.
After we went on the Morgan’s family annual beach trip Raymond’s schedule totally changed. He would no longer nurse to sleep … or to nap … and I had NO idea how to go about getting him to bed or in a regular sleep pattern. After reading the books, talking to the doctors and talking to friends it became evident that the most successful practice is “crying it out.” No, I thought over and over, NO NO NO. I am not going to be that mom. We will work this out.
But the most obvious thing to go had to be night time nursing. To this day, unless we are traveling and comfort is needed, no baba to go to bed. I’m really glad we made that change so long ago. I also know his teeth have benefited greatly!
Finally I gave in to trying to let him cry. We developed a naptime/night time routine, wrote down the schedule and let him go. It is simple really – bedtime: bath, PJs, song, bedtime – naptime: wash hands, book, song naptime … Ah, I’m one of those parents! For about 2 weeks we really struggled with the routine. We would let him cry for up to 10 minutes (this is physically painful!) and then go in and comfort him … sometimes we would have to do it 2 or 3 times. But it worked.
Crying it out did not mean let him scream and wail in the crib and not comfort him. For us it meant developing a pattern and routine that we could all adjust to and live with. The hard part is the adjustment and you have to determine where your tolerance is in the process. I think if we had not started seeing GREAT results after 2 weeks I would have tried something else.
We’ve crossed time zones, gotten new teeth, gone out to dinner late and missed naps. I am not a total slave to the schedule and Raymond does adapt well. Soon he, sorry we, will face two more big changes – weaning from nursing (I’m going to start the process after his first birthday with the hope of having him totally off by 18 mo if not before) and transitioning to one a day nap. He is showing signs of getting ready for the big nap move but I’m hoping he’ll hold out for a bit longer.
I have to be willing to embrace the hard work associated with these upcoming transitions … willing to see him cry, willing to face frustration on all our parts. I’m not looking to push either transition. What I now know as a mother is that you can’t plan for ANYTHING but have to let your child’s needs guide you and meet them with educated and strong direction as they change. I’m really blessed to be at home (even when I’m working) to be a part of this process.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Ear Follow Up
Today was a wonderful day. I learned that my son's left ear is totally fine and that he does not have to have ear canal enlargement surgery. His hearing is perfect in both ears. And, should he have a blockage in the narrow canal is isn't a big deal - they just use ear drops.
Several people, including Morgan, thought it was premature for me to go ahead and meet with the superspecialist EMT but I couldn't be more pleased that I did. Instead of spending the next 2 years dreading his ear I know he is totally normal - with a "normal" abnormality.
Thank you thank you thank you.
This is the second time I have been referred first to a local specialist and then to a super specialist at one of the teaching hospitals in the past year. Both times I have learned that my son is totally normal and there are no concerns. Next time something comes up I'm having our ped send us straight to UNC or Duke to meet with the best and skip over the not so current doctors around town.
Several people, including Morgan, thought it was premature for me to go ahead and meet with the superspecialist EMT but I couldn't be more pleased that I did. Instead of spending the next 2 years dreading his ear I know he is totally normal - with a "normal" abnormality.
Thank you thank you thank you.
This is the second time I have been referred first to a local specialist and then to a super specialist at one of the teaching hospitals in the past year. Both times I have learned that my son is totally normal and there are no concerns. Next time something comes up I'm having our ped send us straight to UNC or Duke to meet with the best and skip over the not so current doctors around town.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wow, 2011, really?
Here we are ... 2011! I have not had a free moment to blog in nearly a month (apologies to my avid readers) and have honestly missed the opportunities for reflection. Life moves so quickly! We are preparing for Raymond's first birthday in just over 2 weeks - I can't believe that a year has gone by already. Or that it has been 20 months since I learned that I was unexpectedly pregnant and my life totally changed. I should say our life as Morgan's world was equally turned around and around while we figured out how to become parents.
I have a few resolutions for the new year: (1) Don't eat sugar because of lack of sleep, stress or anger thinking that the indulgence is justified because of whatever I am "going through" - (2) Don't be so reactionary/snappy towards my husband, he doesn't deserve it (even when I have extreme lack of sleep, stress, anger or sugar comedown) - (3) Love every day and its moments to the fullest, spending less time inside my own head making life less wonderful than it really is.
These resolutions are a tall order, but I think I can do it!
I have a few resolutions for the new year: (1) Don't eat sugar because of lack of sleep, stress or anger thinking that the indulgence is justified because of whatever I am "going through" - (2) Don't be so reactionary/snappy towards my husband, he doesn't deserve it (even when I have extreme lack of sleep, stress, anger or sugar comedown) - (3) Love every day and its moments to the fullest, spending less time inside my own head making life less wonderful than it really is.
These resolutions are a tall order, but I think I can do it!
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