Raymond has one irregular ear. There is a skin tag, a “pit” leading to the sinus and a narrow ear canal on his left ear.
At our first pediatrician visit (when he was six days old!) our doctor took one look into the ear and immediately sent us to the ENT. The ENT was awesome and gave us some information on watching the pit as it could get infected, removal of the skin tag (cosmetic and optional) and said we would keep an eye on the ear canal. Today I remembered that at that time he said we would consider options closer to one year old.
We were put on a follow up plan with him to keep an eye on the ear. In the second visit, when Raymond was five months old, the ENT explained that outer and inner ear development happens at different times and that the irregularities did not mean that there were inner ear problems, but they might. So we needed to keep an eye on his hearing and know that if there are questions we would have to have an MRI or CAT scan as you cannot see through the ear canal.
Yesterday I went in for my third follow up visit, which was aptly timed as I wanted to follow up on Raymond’s recent ear infection and alternative treatments. The good news is that the right ear is totally clean and from what the DR can see of the left ear it is clear too – without any leftover fluid from the infection. And Raymond’s hearing is great!
I am, however floored by the news regarding the ear canal. The ENT told me that he needed to send to a pediatric Otolaryngology specialist and surgeon that specializes this sort of problem. I had no idea that we had a problem; I thought we just had an irregularity. I think I made him repeat himself at least three times as I was so floored by what he was telling me.
Apparently Raymond needs to see the specialist for evaluation, including ear imagining (i.e. strap him down and put him in a machine), and possibly surgery at age 4 to enlarge his ear canal. It is most likely that this narrow canal will cause hearing problems when he is older, the canal will be totally clogged with wax, impossible to clean and no air will be able to get to the ear drum. This is not a certainty – but my ENT would not give me any percentages and consistently said I needed to see a specialist. (I thought he was the specialist!?!?!)
Per the ENT, the surgery is “a major procedure, a much bigger deal than getting tubes put in your ear …” We should go ahead and start the process of meeting with the specialist to get as much information as possible, both on the procedure, statistics and Raymond’s specific case (have images of how the canal is developing, if the inner ear is effected and if his hearing is effected) so that we have time to weigh the facts to make our decision. Age 4 is optimal for the surgery because the ear canal has grown enough to determine if there is definite need and is still growing so it is malleable for the procedure. The procedure is cutting into the ear and manually making a bigger hole from the outer ear into the inner ear. At this time we would also have a pit and skin tag removed.
After hearing all of this several times yesterday, talking it through, and thinking about it all day today I am still floored. At no point have we ever discussed anything this major with the ENT or our pediatrician. I have put a call into my pediatrician to talk it through with him. I am scheduled to see the specialist, Dr. Austin Rose at UNC Dept of Otolaryngology in the Neurosciences Hospital on January 14. We will use this visit to ask questions and get more information. I am not submitting Raymond to any “imaging” until I get a much better handle on what is really going on here.
I do like the ENT and I am certain he didn’t want to sound the alarm and make me worry before he was certain that the canal wasn’t growing. But I seriously could have used some sort of heads up on this. I guess the next three years is some time to get informed and process what is going on.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Tappan's Tips on C-Section Delivery & PostPardum
I have several expectant friends who are due in the next few months. Some dread the hospital, some trust their doctors and/or midwives but they all seem to want low intervention or natural births. Luckily most of them are open to the fact that their safety and their child's safety is what is most important. I find myself having to hold back telling them everything I think about birth and having a new born. I know some of the advice is helpful but God only knows can be overbearing. I am thinking about my friends all the time, which has inspired me to blog retrospectively about tips for c-section delivery and post pardum. Some of these tips apply no matter what so I hope you'll find them helpful!
(1) It is going to be okay if you have a c-section.
(2) Once you realize you're going to have a section get your stuff together in the delivery room to be transferred into the recovery room. Have a brother/father-in-law/friend who is there be in charge of moving your belongings or packing you.
(3) I wish I had my mom there to stay with me while I was in recovery and had dedicated that Morgan stay with Raymond, or vice versa. It is kind of scary to be suddenly all alone with the hospital staff (even if you really like them, which I did) while the baby and husband are away from you. I think it was also hard on Morgan to feel like he needed to run back and forth.
(4) Make sure that you get to meet your baby in the operating room as it will be about an hour before you'll get to see him/her again. (Unless there is a medical reason that keep you from the baby.)
(5) DON'T be afraid of the recovery pain medication. TAKE THE DRUGS. You have had intense surgery and you will not be able to enjoy the first moments and weeks with your child and build confidence if you are suffering.
(6) DO be careful of hurting yourself. Remember that the pain medication makes you feel like you're fine but you can still aggravate and hurt yourself more.
(7) Focus on skin to skin contact and nursing you baby.Use the lactation consultants and have your nursing pillow with you!
(8) If you are induced or have a c-section it may take a day or so longer for your milk to come in because your body didn't go through the natural process of giving birth. IT WILL COME, don't worry, and don't let the hospital freak you out about it on discharge. If you have to use formula for a day to keep the baby hydrated that is okay too, but don't give up on nursing it will come!
(9) After you get home remember that some weird things may happen - your leg may be numb for several weeks, which normal from the nerves that are cut ... You may have incredible pain several days/weeks latter because you're backing off the pain medication but your uterus is still contracting and pulling on the sutchers when you're nursing. This is all normal! (Unless you have a fever in which case there maybe an infection and you need to call the doctor ASAP).
(10) If you have pain medication and feel like a whole pill is making you too loopy to be up with the baby, try quartering or halfing the pill ... if you do quarters then take a quarter every hour instead on every 4 hours taking a whole pill. That way you don't get wasted but are able to manage the pain in recovery. (Note: You should talk to a medical professional prior to altering any drugs.)
(11) Almost all of my post pardum "mood" was centered on the fact that I had a c-section rather than a natural birth. I do think those feeling were (and continue to be) valid, but try not to waste your thoughts on it. It is unnecessary negative energy that keeps you from healing!
(12) ...kind of personal here... You still need to wait to have sex even though you didn't have a vaginal delivery as your body is raw/effected from carrying the child and if you had any form of labor it is effected that way too. It is still going to hurt the first time --- but not for too long, and not nearly as much as those who have major tears or cuts from their delivery. A little personal c-section bonus :)
(13) Granny Panties. Learn to love them. You do not want your underwear line rubbing up against your incision and you'll still be a bit swollen so I recommend the kind that go up to your bellybutton. Soft, washed and ready to go at the hospital and probably some more for at home ... you'll probably want to toss them after the first few days and then again after 4 weeks or so ...
(1) It is going to be okay if you have a c-section.
(2) Once you realize you're going to have a section get your stuff together in the delivery room to be transferred into the recovery room. Have a brother/father-in-law/friend who is there be in charge of moving your belongings or packing you.
(3) I wish I had my mom there to stay with me while I was in recovery and had dedicated that Morgan stay with Raymond, or vice versa. It is kind of scary to be suddenly all alone with the hospital staff (even if you really like them, which I did) while the baby and husband are away from you. I think it was also hard on Morgan to feel like he needed to run back and forth.
(4) Make sure that you get to meet your baby in the operating room as it will be about an hour before you'll get to see him/her again. (Unless there is a medical reason that keep you from the baby.)
(5) DON'T be afraid of the recovery pain medication. TAKE THE DRUGS. You have had intense surgery and you will not be able to enjoy the first moments and weeks with your child and build confidence if you are suffering.
(6) DO be careful of hurting yourself. Remember that the pain medication makes you feel like you're fine but you can still aggravate and hurt yourself more.
(7) Focus on skin to skin contact and nursing you baby.Use the lactation consultants and have your nursing pillow with you!
(8) If you are induced or have a c-section it may take a day or so longer for your milk to come in because your body didn't go through the natural process of giving birth. IT WILL COME, don't worry, and don't let the hospital freak you out about it on discharge. If you have to use formula for a day to keep the baby hydrated that is okay too, but don't give up on nursing it will come!
(9) After you get home remember that some weird things may happen - your leg may be numb for several weeks, which normal from the nerves that are cut ... You may have incredible pain several days/weeks latter because you're backing off the pain medication but your uterus is still contracting and pulling on the sutchers when you're nursing. This is all normal! (Unless you have a fever in which case there maybe an infection and you need to call the doctor ASAP).
(10) If you have pain medication and feel like a whole pill is making you too loopy to be up with the baby, try quartering or halfing the pill ... if you do quarters then take a quarter every hour instead on every 4 hours taking a whole pill. That way you don't get wasted but are able to manage the pain in recovery. (Note: You should talk to a medical professional prior to altering any drugs.)
(11) Almost all of my post pardum "mood" was centered on the fact that I had a c-section rather than a natural birth. I do think those feeling were (and continue to be) valid, but try not to waste your thoughts on it. It is unnecessary negative energy that keeps you from healing!
(12) ...kind of personal here... You still need to wait to have sex even though you didn't have a vaginal delivery as your body is raw/effected from carrying the child and if you had any form of labor it is effected that way too. It is still going to hurt the first time --- but not for too long, and not nearly as much as those who have major tears or cuts from their delivery. A little personal c-section bonus :)
(13) Granny Panties. Learn to love them. You do not want your underwear line rubbing up against your incision and you'll still be a bit swollen so I recommend the kind that go up to your bellybutton. Soft, washed and ready to go at the hospital and probably some more for at home ... you'll probably want to toss them after the first few days and then again after 4 weeks or so ...
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Pink Stuff, Part II
About noon yesterday Raymond's fever finally broke! We thought we were moving in the right direction ...
he continued to pull on his ears and be fussy but surely we were getting better. He was up screaming all through the night, but for some dumb reason I never thought to turn on the light to look at him when I went in to comfort him (Baby Sleep101, keep it dark for them to go back to sleep).
Morgan got up at about 7:00 to find Raymond COVERED in a very angry rash. Okay, this could be good. If he has Roseola the fever had broken and this is the end of the virus rash. Probably that is all it is. But I called the doctor just in case ... he could be having an allergic reaction to the amoxacillin or we could need to look at all of his sickness from a different perspective.
Our doctor's office is open on the weekends (yay!) and the nurse had us come in at noon to see if it was an allergic reaction. And then we learned ... drum roll please ... Raymond is allergic to THE PINK STUFF! Once again, should have known when I dropped that first bottle!
The doctor prepared us for some of the challenges we need to be aware of as parents with a child who is allergic to penicillin drugs - most importantly to beware of Urgent Care/ER/Other Drs offices when treating Strep Throat. Apparently some practices just give a massive penicillin shot, which the doctor said would be devastating for Raymond. We also need to be prepared to travel with antibiotics abroad to protect him there too.
I also learned that amoxacillin is only 30% effective in treating ear infections ANYWAY. DAMN IT.
And on that note, while the left ear has cleared up, the right ear is in very bad shape ... the drum close to being inflames enough to burst. So, not only is he allergic to The Pink Stuff, it also didn't work at all and his ear infection has spread and is much worse in the other ear. So now we're on treatment plan number 4 for this week, which includes a different antibiotic (zythromuacin ... probably didn't spell that right) and may or may not include travel for Thanksgiving. If this treatment works we should be okay, but at this point I am not making any promises.
THIS IS SO HARD. At least Morgan is home now to help.
he continued to pull on his ears and be fussy but surely we were getting better. He was up screaming all through the night, but for some dumb reason I never thought to turn on the light to look at him when I went in to comfort him (Baby Sleep101, keep it dark for them to go back to sleep).
Morgan got up at about 7:00 to find Raymond COVERED in a very angry rash. Okay, this could be good. If he has Roseola the fever had broken and this is the end of the virus rash. Probably that is all it is. But I called the doctor just in case ... he could be having an allergic reaction to the amoxacillin or we could need to look at all of his sickness from a different perspective.
Our doctor's office is open on the weekends (yay!) and the nurse had us come in at noon to see if it was an allergic reaction. And then we learned ... drum roll please ... Raymond is allergic to THE PINK STUFF! Once again, should have known when I dropped that first bottle!
The doctor prepared us for some of the challenges we need to be aware of as parents with a child who is allergic to penicillin drugs - most importantly to beware of Urgent Care/ER/Other Drs offices when treating Strep Throat. Apparently some practices just give a massive penicillin shot, which the doctor said would be devastating for Raymond. We also need to be prepared to travel with antibiotics abroad to protect him there too.
I also learned that amoxacillin is only 30% effective in treating ear infections ANYWAY. DAMN IT.
And on that note, while the left ear has cleared up, the right ear is in very bad shape ... the drum close to being inflames enough to burst. So, not only is he allergic to The Pink Stuff, it also didn't work at all and his ear infection has spread and is much worse in the other ear. So now we're on treatment plan number 4 for this week, which includes a different antibiotic (zythromuacin ... probably didn't spell that right) and may or may not include travel for Thanksgiving. If this treatment works we should be okay, but at this point I am not making any promises.
THIS IS SO HARD. At least Morgan is home now to help.
Friday, November 19, 2010
The Pink Stuff
I remember segments of childhood more than specific occurrences. Of those segments, I clearly remember my ear infections and … THE PINK STUFF … the yummy cure all that lived in the fridge and sometimes I would even pretend to not be feeling well to get a taste. (Result: The last time I took amoxicillin I got a terrible rash! I’m done with it … tapped out on being able to use it, or any other drugs in the penicillin family, when I get sick)
Amoxicillin. Yummy and YUCKY. And Necessary.
In my various waves of mother purism I hoped to never have to give Raymond antibiotics before he was a year old. It was my personal goal. Yet another goal that was either totally unrealistic or I failed.
On Monday I took Raymond into the doctor early in the morning and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection … in his weird ear with a narrow ear canal where if there are any complications he will have to have a CT Scan. Even though his fever was not raging and there was a chance his body could overcome the infection on its own I felt certain, in that moment, that a little Pink Stuff was better than strapping him down and putting him in a scary machine.
(At the same time I was also thinking of a dear friend who has a baby girl that temporarily lost hearing due to ear infections before she was one year old.)
I get the prescription, come home and open it to give him the first dose and drop the entire bottle of amoxicillin everywhere. Hot pink bubble gum stain on my pants, all over the floor, splatter on the walls. Gross. Luckily my brother in law was here and got the dog out (it would NOT have been good for Cooper to get into The Pink Stuff) and cleaned it up while I teetered on breakdown. I should have taken this as a sign that I shouldn’t give it to him. But NO, I go back to the pharmacy and pay full price for a second bottle to help my baby.
Wednesday rolls around and he still has a fever – now it is slightly higher – and he has started grabbing the base of his head and crying. His neck appears swollen and is very sensitive to the touch. Back to the doctor with great fears of meningitis or other scary things associated with brain swelling. Two and a half hours later, after extensive exams, two doctors, blood and urine testing we know: Raymond does not have an ear infection anymore, he does not have meningitis, there is no bacteria in his blood, there is no bacteria in his urine, and his viral blood count is incredibly high – so high in fact that one of the doctors said it is the highest she has seen. My directions give him Tylenol and keep him hydrated, call back if the fever isn’t going tomorrow.
OK, a virus, we can deal with this … part of life … part of being a baby…
Yesterday comes and things seem a lot better until Raymond fever goes back up and I cannot get it down with Tylenol. And he has stopped eating, still nursing but no “solids” or water. Back on the phone with the doctor… virus hasn’t run its course yet, if it started on Wednesday then we should expect him to have a fever today.
Round and round we go. I should say that I am very happy with the care we have been getting with our doctor(s). My frustration is not with them but with the virus. It is so aggressive. Today Raymond woke up in obvious pain, high fever, etc. It took me two hours to cheer him up and for the fever to go down … which is very odd for my baby. I just have to let it be, I can’t fix it, I can’t do anything! DAMN VIRUS.
So what happened … he got an ear infection, we gave him The Pink Stuff, which in turn voided out his immune system and WHAM he got his with this virus. A terrible aggressive virus … just like all the medical literature says will happen with antibiotics. And the kicker is, now that I've bought in, I have to complete the course of treatment - so finnish the bottle! We're not done with The Pink Stuff!
I am left feeing much less assured that I did the right thing to get rid of the ear infection and feeling guilty as hell that I let him get exposed to the virus.
All the damn pro-biotic supplementation we do couldn’t stand up to The Pink Stuff.
I hate it, but I know it won’t be the last time I’ve got to use it.
Amoxicillin. Yummy and YUCKY. And Necessary.
In my various waves of mother purism I hoped to never have to give Raymond antibiotics before he was a year old. It was my personal goal. Yet another goal that was either totally unrealistic or I failed.
On Monday I took Raymond into the doctor early in the morning and he was diagnosed with his first ear infection … in his weird ear with a narrow ear canal where if there are any complications he will have to have a CT Scan. Even though his fever was not raging and there was a chance his body could overcome the infection on its own I felt certain, in that moment, that a little Pink Stuff was better than strapping him down and putting him in a scary machine.
(At the same time I was also thinking of a dear friend who has a baby girl that temporarily lost hearing due to ear infections before she was one year old.)
I get the prescription, come home and open it to give him the first dose and drop the entire bottle of amoxicillin everywhere. Hot pink bubble gum stain on my pants, all over the floor, splatter on the walls. Gross. Luckily my brother in law was here and got the dog out (it would NOT have been good for Cooper to get into The Pink Stuff) and cleaned it up while I teetered on breakdown. I should have taken this as a sign that I shouldn’t give it to him. But NO, I go back to the pharmacy and pay full price for a second bottle to help my baby.
Wednesday rolls around and he still has a fever – now it is slightly higher – and he has started grabbing the base of his head and crying. His neck appears swollen and is very sensitive to the touch. Back to the doctor with great fears of meningitis or other scary things associated with brain swelling. Two and a half hours later, after extensive exams, two doctors, blood and urine testing we know: Raymond does not have an ear infection anymore, he does not have meningitis, there is no bacteria in his blood, there is no bacteria in his urine, and his viral blood count is incredibly high – so high in fact that one of the doctors said it is the highest she has seen. My directions give him Tylenol and keep him hydrated, call back if the fever isn’t going tomorrow.
OK, a virus, we can deal with this … part of life … part of being a baby…
Yesterday comes and things seem a lot better until Raymond fever goes back up and I cannot get it down with Tylenol. And he has stopped eating, still nursing but no “solids” or water. Back on the phone with the doctor… virus hasn’t run its course yet, if it started on Wednesday then we should expect him to have a fever today.
Round and round we go. I should say that I am very happy with the care we have been getting with our doctor(s). My frustration is not with them but with the virus. It is so aggressive. Today Raymond woke up in obvious pain, high fever, etc. It took me two hours to cheer him up and for the fever to go down … which is very odd for my baby. I just have to let it be, I can’t fix it, I can’t do anything! DAMN VIRUS.
So what happened … he got an ear infection, we gave him The Pink Stuff, which in turn voided out his immune system and WHAM he got his with this virus. A terrible aggressive virus … just like all the medical literature says will happen with antibiotics. And the kicker is, now that I've bought in, I have to complete the course of treatment - so finnish the bottle! We're not done with The Pink Stuff!
I am left feeing much less assured that I did the right thing to get rid of the ear infection and feeling guilty as hell that I let him get exposed to the virus.
All the damn pro-biotic supplementation we do couldn’t stand up to The Pink Stuff.
I hate it, but I know it won’t be the last time I’ve got to use it.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It is not nice to blame someone else for your problems.
Yesterday I talked to two good friends about the challenges introduced into marriage by being a parent. Across the board it seems that having a child presents more challenges to marriage than the dreaded “first year” of marriage – probably because so many people live together before they are married and have already made that adjustment in today’s world. Of course, conversations like this always come at a time of some internal struggle which maybe to personal to share in the old blog. But, alas I do think that the introspective nature of my quest to evolve is worth sharing – or at least worth writing about as it helps me grow.
Basically I am mad as hell that Morgan has a life outside of our family. Rational, NO. Right, NO. Bitchy and unrealistic, YES. But what are you going to do about it? Sometimes you just feel the way you feel and you have to have a little journey to get over it.
So what am I really mad about? It is hard to say. Identifying what you are really upset about in your life is SO MUCH harder than blaming someone else. My poor husband, it is so easy to blame him for my feelings! Okay, sometimes he earns a little of the blame … but it is in my best interest to evolve.
I think there is a lot of guilt in motherhood for needing something outside of mothering - I love my new job and that is fulfilling a lot of my brain needs – and I LOVE RAYMOND – and he fills my heart and soul every moment of the day. But I am honestly lacking in the friendship area. I have many dear friends that I can talk to all the time – but my “life” cannot be centered on the phone/email/Facebook only. Right? And I’m pissed that Morgan has made connections in that area where I am just starting too. Just pissed. I want him to stay home and be my best friend all the time because I am missing a part of human interaction in my world. Is that fair to him? No, of course not … but it is so much easier for him because he isn’t the primary care giver.
So, what can I immediately do to stop being mad at him? Ideas? It isn’t fair or right and I have to get over it. And get over feeling guilty that I need more in my life than being a mother. Is there a breast feeding friendly pill I can take to resolve all the irrational emotional turmoil that I put myself through?
Basically I am mad as hell that Morgan has a life outside of our family. Rational, NO. Right, NO. Bitchy and unrealistic, YES. But what are you going to do about it? Sometimes you just feel the way you feel and you have to have a little journey to get over it.
So what am I really mad about? It is hard to say. Identifying what you are really upset about in your life is SO MUCH harder than blaming someone else. My poor husband, it is so easy to blame him for my feelings! Okay, sometimes he earns a little of the blame … but it is in my best interest to evolve.
I think there is a lot of guilt in motherhood for needing something outside of mothering - I love my new job and that is fulfilling a lot of my brain needs – and I LOVE RAYMOND – and he fills my heart and soul every moment of the day. But I am honestly lacking in the friendship area. I have many dear friends that I can talk to all the time – but my “life” cannot be centered on the phone/email/Facebook only. Right? And I’m pissed that Morgan has made connections in that area where I am just starting too. Just pissed. I want him to stay home and be my best friend all the time because I am missing a part of human interaction in my world. Is that fair to him? No, of course not … but it is so much easier for him because he isn’t the primary care giver.
So, what can I immediately do to stop being mad at him? Ideas? It isn’t fair or right and I have to get over it. And get over feeling guilty that I need more in my life than being a mother. Is there a breast feeding friendly pill I can take to resolve all the irrational emotional turmoil that I put myself through?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I need my mommy!
The first week of my job Raymond had a hard time ... but it seemed to have leveled off until today. We have sitters come in when I need to go to meetings and there is a pretty regular routine. Today, however, as soon as I got back from my lunch meeting he it was on. No walking away, no putting down - my baby wanted to be held and have his mommy at all times.
On one hand I feel touched to be so needed - us moms do get off on being needed after all. But mainly I feel totally guilty about have sitters come in two days in a row. At least I was able to give him my full attention once I was home. I think that is the most important part - to really focus with the time I have.
On one hand I feel touched to be so needed - us moms do get off on being needed after all. But mainly I feel totally guilty about have sitters come in two days in a row. At least I was able to give him my full attention once I was home. I think that is the most important part - to really focus with the time I have.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Halloween!
Halloween
I believe that coming from a divorced family has made me a bit odd about the holidays. Which is strange because I hate the divorced-mom/single-mom syndrome that my mom has about Christmas … always trying to make up for the fact that there isn’t a dad around for me. This is probably intensified by the fact that I have two traumatic daddy abandonment issues around holidays. (1) My dad decided not to see me anymore at Christmas, and when he told this to my mom right before Christmas she had a heart attack and was hospitalized and I was at Grandmother’s house for Christmas without either of my parents at like age 4 or 5. (2) I was trick or treating in downtown Gatlinburg (I know, classy) at 5 or 6 and walked into my dad’s restaurant and saw him eating and walked up to say hello and he told me to leave and go to my mother … then I started crying and he didn’t even get up, he had the waitress escort me out and he told me I shouldn’t come back to the restaurant ever again.
As a result I am determined to make holidays wonderful for Raymond. The Easter Bunny came this year (sometimes he forgets babies before they can remember – but not Raymond!), we were all dressed up like Bees for Halloween last night and Christmas will be at home – always. My kid will wake up at home for Christmas … he just will. It is our family tradition.
I know I’m a little militant about my family holiday dreams – and I am a little conflicted. Halloween, for example, has been a holiday about live music and big parties for about 15 years. Last year I was here with my mom very pregnant and we greeted trick or treaters as we sat in camping chairs – the only seating we had – and watched movies. Morgan was in California for Phish’s Festival 8 … I had tickets too but gave them up at the last minute because I was just too preggers. So this year was the first year that we were all together in the family friendly Halloween and it was nice. We’ll have the memories of carving pumpkins and dressing up for our baby boy forever, even if he doesn’t. I do think it is important, at least to me if not our whole family, to be making the shift into creating holidays for Raymond rather than ourselves. I feel very blessed that it worked out that way!
I believe that coming from a divorced family has made me a bit odd about the holidays. Which is strange because I hate the divorced-mom/single-mom syndrome that my mom has about Christmas … always trying to make up for the fact that there isn’t a dad around for me. This is probably intensified by the fact that I have two traumatic daddy abandonment issues around holidays. (1) My dad decided not to see me anymore at Christmas, and when he told this to my mom right before Christmas she had a heart attack and was hospitalized and I was at Grandmother’s house for Christmas without either of my parents at like age 4 or 5. (2) I was trick or treating in downtown Gatlinburg (I know, classy) at 5 or 6 and walked into my dad’s restaurant and saw him eating and walked up to say hello and he told me to leave and go to my mother … then I started crying and he didn’t even get up, he had the waitress escort me out and he told me I shouldn’t come back to the restaurant ever again.
As a result I am determined to make holidays wonderful for Raymond. The Easter Bunny came this year (sometimes he forgets babies before they can remember – but not Raymond!), we were all dressed up like Bees for Halloween last night and Christmas will be at home – always. My kid will wake up at home for Christmas … he just will. It is our family tradition.
I know I’m a little militant about my family holiday dreams – and I am a little conflicted. Halloween, for example, has been a holiday about live music and big parties for about 15 years. Last year I was here with my mom very pregnant and we greeted trick or treaters as we sat in camping chairs – the only seating we had – and watched movies. Morgan was in California for Phish’s Festival 8 … I had tickets too but gave them up at the last minute because I was just too preggers. So this year was the first year that we were all together in the family friendly Halloween and it was nice. We’ll have the memories of carving pumpkins and dressing up for our baby boy forever, even if he doesn’t. I do think it is important, at least to me if not our whole family, to be making the shift into creating holidays for Raymond rather than ourselves. I feel very blessed that it worked out that way!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Giving Tree
One of my favorite parts of being a mom has been rediscovering toys, games and stories. The classic story, The Giving Tree, made me tear up the first time I read it with Raymond as it made me think of my mom and the kind of parent I hope to be. Maybe that is just because I am lucky to have an AMAZING mother.
You remember, the tree that gave the boy everything throughout all the different parts of his life to make him happy until there was nothing left but the stump … and then the boy comes back as an old man and rests by sitting on the stump. It is a really great story, although there is a part of me that thinks the boy is selfish and shouldn’t take from the tree anymore and a part of me that thinks the tree would be doing the boy a favor to say no.
I find myself in a crossroads between being the child and the tree these days. Most recently I faced the seemingly harsh reality that we do not have a stay at home grandmother who can take care of Raymond when we go to a crazy New Year’s Eve party on the other side of the country or otherwise plan travel. Both of our moms work, and we certainly benefit from their labors – last minute emergency vet visits, the way too expensive travel crib which is the only way Raymond will sleep on the road, our furniture, our home, a “hand me down” car. The working grandmothers give – give –give all the time. We are very blessed.
And yet here I am the little boy saddened that I can’t leave my baby and go to the party. And here I am the mother who wants to be with her son to give him a happy New Years Eve … filled with breast milk and mommy’s love.
I think it is time for me to let go of my neediness and accept my new role as the giver. I don’t want to whittle my mother or mother in law down to a stump by taking all the time. We need to give too --- all support each other. Most importantly I need to take care of my son and husband. As we plan the holiday season it is clear that the best way to do that is to take care of Raymond at home and send Morgan off to ring in the New Year with our friends.
Ah, the evolution into motherhood continues …
You remember, the tree that gave the boy everything throughout all the different parts of his life to make him happy until there was nothing left but the stump … and then the boy comes back as an old man and rests by sitting on the stump. It is a really great story, although there is a part of me that thinks the boy is selfish and shouldn’t take from the tree anymore and a part of me that thinks the tree would be doing the boy a favor to say no.
I find myself in a crossroads between being the child and the tree these days. Most recently I faced the seemingly harsh reality that we do not have a stay at home grandmother who can take care of Raymond when we go to a crazy New Year’s Eve party on the other side of the country or otherwise plan travel. Both of our moms work, and we certainly benefit from their labors – last minute emergency vet visits, the way too expensive travel crib which is the only way Raymond will sleep on the road, our furniture, our home, a “hand me down” car. The working grandmothers give – give –give all the time. We are very blessed.
And yet here I am the little boy saddened that I can’t leave my baby and go to the party. And here I am the mother who wants to be with her son to give him a happy New Years Eve … filled with breast milk and mommy’s love.
I think it is time for me to let go of my neediness and accept my new role as the giver. I don’t want to whittle my mother or mother in law down to a stump by taking all the time. We need to give too --- all support each other. Most importantly I need to take care of my son and husband. As we plan the holiday season it is clear that the best way to do that is to take care of Raymond at home and send Morgan off to ring in the New Year with our friends.
Ah, the evolution into motherhood continues …
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wanted
Baby proofing consultant. Come into the home, find all possible ways that my baby could be hurt and remedy the risk. Willing to pay ... well, I don't have much, but willing to pay nonetheless.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A day in the life ...
Some days are made for sitcoms ... today started as one of those days. I was up VERY late working on taxes for the 10/15 extension deadline. Raymond woke up at 6:00 am and there was no stopping him. He slept for about 15 minutes for his morning nap, during which I started to do my first mass mailing for my new job. After he woke up I was running back and forth from the office with him trying to keep him out of electrical wires (why are they so inviting?) and dog hair (I need to vacuum, but who has time?). In the back and forth my printer started spitting out envelopes all over the floor … a 100 or so by the time I got back into the “office.” These envelopes then had to be organized in alphabetical order. I then turned around and Raymond had knocked over and started playing with the pile that was in order so I had to completely start over. By noon he had fallen on his face, bit his lip and was sporting a new bruise on the left side of his face.
Then comes lunch… if you haven’t had a baby this will sound especially gross… we had a full lunch and I was feeling REALLY good about his fresh diet of whole made organic baby and finger foods for the week. I didn’t think about what the combination of beets and prunes might do … all of the sudden there was a BIG POOP. Okay, no big deal, right. Then I look down and see poop dripping out of the highchair onto the FLOOR. His cloth diaper was totally saturated and covered, as was the “cover” as was the high chair and of course the baby. He went directly into the sink where I hosed him off for a while. After cleaning Raymond up I put him in his crib where he SCREAMED bloody murder while I cleaned up the rest of the mess. This took a little while –
Luckily Cooper was outside.
After I cleaned up I let the dog in who was also screaming to get inside from the yard. I went and picked up Raymond and he puked (spit up no longer covers it) all down the front of my shirt and inside of my shirt. At this point I could have freaked out. I may have been on the verge. But instead I just sat down on the floor of the nursery and laughed until I cried. Luckily Raymond was laughing too.
Now we are on to naptime number 2 … surely he needs to get some sleep … right? Not so much. I put Raymond down at 3 … he was super mellow, we read a book, cuddled, life was good. As soon as he hit the mattress he started SCREAMING again. I got into the shower hoping that by the time I was out he would be asleep. No. I let him go for almost 45 minutes – my heart breaking the whole time but really thinking he needed to sleep – NOPE. Damn it.
We have had a WONDERFUL late afternoon/early evening playing like crazy. I gave him a bath and put him down without any fussing at all. We sang along to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon album for the nighttime wind down and it worked perfectly. And brought me back to a special place… Now I’m cooking myself the insanely overpriced local grass fed rib eye I bought at Wholefoods as a reward for making it through the day.
We did it. We had a wonderful bruised, bloody, shit stained and puked on day. And I feel so blessed to be alive and have my baby boy.
Thank you!
Then comes lunch… if you haven’t had a baby this will sound especially gross… we had a full lunch and I was feeling REALLY good about his fresh diet of whole made organic baby and finger foods for the week. I didn’t think about what the combination of beets and prunes might do … all of the sudden there was a BIG POOP. Okay, no big deal, right. Then I look down and see poop dripping out of the highchair onto the FLOOR. His cloth diaper was totally saturated and covered, as was the “cover” as was the high chair and of course the baby. He went directly into the sink where I hosed him off for a while. After cleaning Raymond up I put him in his crib where he SCREAMED bloody murder while I cleaned up the rest of the mess. This took a little while –
Luckily Cooper was outside.
After I cleaned up I let the dog in who was also screaming to get inside from the yard. I went and picked up Raymond and he puked (spit up no longer covers it) all down the front of my shirt and inside of my shirt. At this point I could have freaked out. I may have been on the verge. But instead I just sat down on the floor of the nursery and laughed until I cried. Luckily Raymond was laughing too.
Now we are on to naptime number 2 … surely he needs to get some sleep … right? Not so much. I put Raymond down at 3 … he was super mellow, we read a book, cuddled, life was good. As soon as he hit the mattress he started SCREAMING again. I got into the shower hoping that by the time I was out he would be asleep. No. I let him go for almost 45 minutes – my heart breaking the whole time but really thinking he needed to sleep – NOPE. Damn it.
We have had a WONDERFUL late afternoon/early evening playing like crazy. I gave him a bath and put him down without any fussing at all. We sang along to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon album for the nighttime wind down and it worked perfectly. And brought me back to a special place… Now I’m cooking myself the insanely overpriced local grass fed rib eye I bought at Wholefoods as a reward for making it through the day.
We did it. We had a wonderful bruised, bloody, shit stained and puked on day. And I feel so blessed to be alive and have my baby boy.
Thank you!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
When a Religion Major and a Philosophy Major Make a Baby ....
Last weekend we had Raymond's baptism. It was perfect!
We (unknowingly) scheduled the event for what would have been Raymond's great grandfather's (the original Raymond) 100th birthday and is Uncle Ken's 62nd birthday, making it an extra special occasion for the Vickery clan.
We had many of the Morgan clan here as well! Raymond continued the tradition of wearing the Christening gown Granny made for the grandchildren. It was really lovely and fit perfectly!
Mom came the week before to help prepare and play with Raymond (who was terrible to her, but hopefully he will have recovered before he sees in a couple of weeks!) My cousin Leda came and not only saved the day by helping Mom and I will all the preparations and implementation – but also was a wonderful support and representation of our family.
Planning this baptism was also perfect - but came with a lot of interesting conversations. Morgan's spiritual background is very different than mine - raised as a Baptist, went to Episcopal High School, got involved with Young Life (where he was "Church hurt" - I think I owe that phrase to Elizabeth Shaw, but it fits perfectly) and then went to Sewanee where he was a comparative religion major and learned that fire and brimstone is not necessary for faith. All of this has left him sure of a higher power --- and very analytical of how religions, specifically the Christian traditions, guide you in spirituality.
I, on the other hand, am a traditional Episcopalian through and through. What I define as traditional maybe seen as "liberal" these days --- the church I grew up didn't care who you slept with as long as you were being true to yourself and your relationship with God. The church I grew up in did not claim that Christianity was the only way --- and certainly didn't make any of the crazy claims about creationism, etc.
Morgan and I have an ongoing dialogue about the simple fact that you can be a Christian without believing that everyone else is going to hell - but as he grew up in the Baptist church and more importantly was involved with Young Life and then to top it off our young adulthood had been ridden with the Christian tradition being used as a tool for hate - it follows that my personal experience doesn't necessarily align with the masses on a day to day basis.
For all of those same reasons I have not been active in Church for 10 years.
Fundamentally, however, we are on the same page. We believe that there is a higher power (Great Spirit) and we believe that many different religions can act as a vehicle to having personal faith. The main difference is that I am comfortable calling myself a Christian/Episcopalian whereas Morgan sees the academic oxymoron in believing that Christianity is not the only way and saying you are a Christian.
When we were driving across the country last summer we talked about how we wanted to raise (then named) Thriller and both decided that we did want to have the community and support provided by a church. But we want to have an open dialogue about what is taught in Church and raise the baby knowing that it is okay to question or disagree with what you learn in Church. - Morgan's only request was that we would spend as many Sundays in the woods or visiting a Buddhist meditation group as we did in Church to expose the baby to different forms of spirituality.
Thriller turned into Raymond and we were presented with planning the baptism. Early on we agreed that we did not want to have it in a church and we wanted it to be outside. We also agreed that we wanted godparents with different spiritual beliefs to support Raymond in his spiritual growth. We had a lot of people offer to be godparents that we love dearly and feel that Raymond has a huge community of support – not just based on who is on the certificate. We are very blessed.
I was not comfortable trying to find a church just to have the baptism – I think it takes some time to find the right fit and didn’t want to just pop in to have Raymond baptized and then realize it wasn’t the place for us. My childhood priest and very close family friend, Father Tubbs, agreed to come from Tennessee to the baptism in the spring and then we relaxed and did not really debate the issue anymore.
At the end of August Mrs. Tubbs sent over a program for review. I looked at it and honestly considered not even showing it to Morgan and I didn’t want to deal with any negativity. But I was a good wife and gave him the copy for review – it was the standard Book of Common Prayer service. His immediate reaction was as I thought … bad. At first he said: “Whatever makes you happy” – I knew it was really bad then as he never says anything even close to that so I pushed him a little more - “I thought we agreed to have a agnostic baptism…” – well baby, by definition a baptism is not agnostic – “There are too many ‘Lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘salvation’ referenced for me in here…”
He finally came down to “I just don’t believe in original sin.” Okay, that is reasonable, I don’t believe in original sin either – nor does my mom, nor does my priest. So Father Tubbs suggested that we redline the service and he would make any edits we were comfortable with … at this point I am feeling pretty lucky as many priests would not give you that opportunity in a sacrament.
A few days pass and I finally sit Morgan down with a red pen and have his go at it. He starts off marking things up on the first pass – then he reads the whole service through and starts to be a little less reactionary and thoughtful. And at the end of it all he decides he likes the service just the way it is.
Father Tubbs did a WONDEFUL job talking about respect for different traditions. I was so pleased to have him come and show Morgan an example of the church I grew up in!
We talked about it this weekend and he said it was perfect, just the way he had wanted it to be. It means so much to me that Morgan the time to consider the service and came to peace with having a baptism. I don’t want to push my faith on Morgan or Raymond. But ultimately it is how I have come to know God, and I do believe that my life has been touched by God … or the Great Spirit … or whatever you want to call the higher power. And I am so happy to have my family share in this tradition.
We (unknowingly) scheduled the event for what would have been Raymond's great grandfather's (the original Raymond) 100th birthday and is Uncle Ken's 62nd birthday, making it an extra special occasion for the Vickery clan.
We had many of the Morgan clan here as well! Raymond continued the tradition of wearing the Christening gown Granny made for the grandchildren. It was really lovely and fit perfectly!
Mom came the week before to help prepare and play with Raymond (who was terrible to her, but hopefully he will have recovered before he sees in a couple of weeks!) My cousin Leda came and not only saved the day by helping Mom and I will all the preparations and implementation – but also was a wonderful support and representation of our family.
Planning this baptism was also perfect - but came with a lot of interesting conversations. Morgan's spiritual background is very different than mine - raised as a Baptist, went to Episcopal High School, got involved with Young Life (where he was "Church hurt" - I think I owe that phrase to Elizabeth Shaw, but it fits perfectly) and then went to Sewanee where he was a comparative religion major and learned that fire and brimstone is not necessary for faith. All of this has left him sure of a higher power --- and very analytical of how religions, specifically the Christian traditions, guide you in spirituality.
I, on the other hand, am a traditional Episcopalian through and through. What I define as traditional maybe seen as "liberal" these days --- the church I grew up didn't care who you slept with as long as you were being true to yourself and your relationship with God. The church I grew up in did not claim that Christianity was the only way --- and certainly didn't make any of the crazy claims about creationism, etc.
Morgan and I have an ongoing dialogue about the simple fact that you can be a Christian without believing that everyone else is going to hell - but as he grew up in the Baptist church and more importantly was involved with Young Life and then to top it off our young adulthood had been ridden with the Christian tradition being used as a tool for hate - it follows that my personal experience doesn't necessarily align with the masses on a day to day basis.
For all of those same reasons I have not been active in Church for 10 years.
Fundamentally, however, we are on the same page. We believe that there is a higher power (Great Spirit) and we believe that many different religions can act as a vehicle to having personal faith. The main difference is that I am comfortable calling myself a Christian/Episcopalian whereas Morgan sees the academic oxymoron in believing that Christianity is not the only way and saying you are a Christian.
When we were driving across the country last summer we talked about how we wanted to raise (then named) Thriller and both decided that we did want to have the community and support provided by a church. But we want to have an open dialogue about what is taught in Church and raise the baby knowing that it is okay to question or disagree with what you learn in Church. - Morgan's only request was that we would spend as many Sundays in the woods or visiting a Buddhist meditation group as we did in Church to expose the baby to different forms of spirituality.
Thriller turned into Raymond and we were presented with planning the baptism. Early on we agreed that we did not want to have it in a church and we wanted it to be outside. We also agreed that we wanted godparents with different spiritual beliefs to support Raymond in his spiritual growth. We had a lot of people offer to be godparents that we love dearly and feel that Raymond has a huge community of support – not just based on who is on the certificate. We are very blessed.
I was not comfortable trying to find a church just to have the baptism – I think it takes some time to find the right fit and didn’t want to just pop in to have Raymond baptized and then realize it wasn’t the place for us. My childhood priest and very close family friend, Father Tubbs, agreed to come from Tennessee to the baptism in the spring and then we relaxed and did not really debate the issue anymore.
At the end of August Mrs. Tubbs sent over a program for review. I looked at it and honestly considered not even showing it to Morgan and I didn’t want to deal with any negativity. But I was a good wife and gave him the copy for review – it was the standard Book of Common Prayer service. His immediate reaction was as I thought … bad. At first he said: “Whatever makes you happy” – I knew it was really bad then as he never says anything even close to that so I pushed him a little more - “I thought we agreed to have a agnostic baptism…” – well baby, by definition a baptism is not agnostic – “There are too many ‘Lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘salvation’ referenced for me in here…”
He finally came down to “I just don’t believe in original sin.” Okay, that is reasonable, I don’t believe in original sin either – nor does my mom, nor does my priest. So Father Tubbs suggested that we redline the service and he would make any edits we were comfortable with … at this point I am feeling pretty lucky as many priests would not give you that opportunity in a sacrament.
A few days pass and I finally sit Morgan down with a red pen and have his go at it. He starts off marking things up on the first pass – then he reads the whole service through and starts to be a little less reactionary and thoughtful. And at the end of it all he decides he likes the service just the way it is.
Father Tubbs did a WONDEFUL job talking about respect for different traditions. I was so pleased to have him come and show Morgan an example of the church I grew up in!
We talked about it this weekend and he said it was perfect, just the way he had wanted it to be. It means so much to me that Morgan the time to consider the service and came to peace with having a baptism. I don’t want to push my faith on Morgan or Raymond. But ultimately it is how I have come to know God, and I do believe that my life has been touched by God … or the Great Spirit … or whatever you want to call the higher power. And I am so happy to have my family share in this tradition.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saying Goodbye to The Stay at Home Mom Blues
I am certain that this has come across through my various blog posts, but I would like to point out a very real feeling that I have experienced through being at home: The Stay at Home Mom Blues. Having a child and having the time to be with him full time has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Morgan has given me a great gift by providing the support for me to be at home with Raymond. But alas, like any good American, I want more - and have found myself in funk after funk. I think part of this funkiness is due to feeling a lack of control or autonomy in my life. I also feel incredible guilty for not contributing financially. I have been totally torn up trying to find the path out of this self-centered condition so that I can embrace my time with Raymond more.
Morgan was not able to go to a dear friend's bachelor party the other weekend because we couldn't afford it. Seeing his disappointment over missing this occasion made me realize more than ever how much he has given up to support and sustain this new phase in our life together. I was not able to figure out a way to get him to Texas for the party, but I did find the motivation to check out some part time jobs and low and behold, my dream part time position at the top of the first job board I reviewed (after receiving the direction from a good friend).
I sent off my resume and cover letter the next day and within twenty four hours I had an interview and within a week I had the job. YAY! YAY! YAY! During each step of the interview process the job became more and more perfect as I learned about the organization, first it was just part time, then it was part time work from home, then my new boss told me she is a huge believer in breast feeding and wanted me to take time whenever needed to make sure I was able to breast feed as much as Raymond needed... it just keeps getting better.
I am making far below what someone with my education and experience should, but I couldn't be any happier for all the reasons listed above.
Most importantly I have appreciated every moment with Raymond so much more as a result of having this job - I think we have achieved attachment and looking forward to having our mother/child relationship grow into a new phase.
Goodbye Stay at Home Mom Blues!
Morgan was not able to go to a dear friend's bachelor party the other weekend because we couldn't afford it. Seeing his disappointment over missing this occasion made me realize more than ever how much he has given up to support and sustain this new phase in our life together. I was not able to figure out a way to get him to Texas for the party, but I did find the motivation to check out some part time jobs and low and behold, my dream part time position at the top of the first job board I reviewed (after receiving the direction from a good friend).
I sent off my resume and cover letter the next day and within twenty four hours I had an interview and within a week I had the job. YAY! YAY! YAY! During each step of the interview process the job became more and more perfect as I learned about the organization, first it was just part time, then it was part time work from home, then my new boss told me she is a huge believer in breast feeding and wanted me to take time whenever needed to make sure I was able to breast feed as much as Raymond needed... it just keeps getting better.
I am making far below what someone with my education and experience should, but I couldn't be any happier for all the reasons listed above.
Most importantly I have appreciated every moment with Raymond so much more as a result of having this job - I think we have achieved attachment and looking forward to having our mother/child relationship grow into a new phase.
Goodbye Stay at Home Mom Blues!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Do what you want - Yea RIGHT!
Last night we tried a few new things in the Vickery home, mostly focused on trying to get Raymond into a bedtime routine that is not nursing to sleep and getting Mamma to Yoga at 7:00 pm. Morgan came home early (6:25) to make sure I could get to Yoga and to work on the new Raymond bedtime routine. I had news for him when he arrived - Raymond had his first for real diaper rash.
You think at nearly 7 months we would have already passed this milestone, but now, out of no where his entire front and back and down his legs were COVERED in the rash, he was screaming in pain when I changed his diaper and used a disposable wipe and couldn't be put down, etc without also suffering. It was terrible when I realized all of this at 5:00 pm - I even called the doctor (for a diaper rash!) as I was so startled by his suffering. I was about to talk myself out of my Yoga class to make sure Raymond was okay --- but my internal dialogue took a shift and I decided that Morgan would be fine for 2 hours. FINE. And it is just a diaper rash after all...
I had just a few minutes to run down the diaper rash care before running out the door - wash with soap and water and a wash cloth, use a cool wash cloth to make sure all the soap is off, let totally dry and then COVER in zinc based diaper rash cream. Whatever you do DO NOT USE DISPOSABLE WIPES - and whew, I was out the door. As we have reusable bamboo wipes in a warmer beside the changing table and all the other necessities I did not think this would be a big deal.
I had an awesome Hatha Yoga class and was feeling totally restored! I came home to an empty front room with toys all over the floor and hearing Raymond screaming in his room and went straight to him. It was actually pretty adorable, he reached for me and said "Mamma" (there were witnesses!) and kissed my face (or tried to suck on my face, either way adorable!) and I went to nurse him to calm him down.
Morgan came in to finish his dinner and was obviously grumpy. I asked what was wrong and he said "I just had to deal with a crying baby for 2 hours, I'm in a bad mood." Okay, I understand this, God knows he has come home to me in a similar state many many times. Raymond fell asleep and I took him in and put him down in his crib and he automatically woke up screaming I reached down to pick him back up and realized his sheet was freezing and soaking wet. Morgan forgot to tell me/change the sheet from the wetness associated with the whole diaper area cleaning...
I gave him to Morgan to calm down while I changed the sheet ... and in looking around Raymond's room I discovered many things. (1) There were clothes on the floor between the dresser and changer (2) the drawers to the dresser were all half way open (3) the disposable wipe container was on the floor (4) there were 3 reusable wipes that were wet on the changing table and on the floor (5) all of the nicely folded clothes in the dresser were tossed around making no sense at all. I began to realize I must have missed quite an episode.
While I was straightening up Morgan went back to trying to get Raymond to sleep. He read him a story in a very flat "I'm so pissed off right" now voice, he walked around with him, he looked at me grumpily and asked if I had any suggestions ... I finally took Raymond back and we went through nursing, walking around, singing songs, etc - I finally thought he might be asleep and got into the shower at 10 but he was still crying until Morgan was finally able to get him to sleep at 10:30.
As we crawled into bed Morgan's bad mood was really starting to get to me. I asked him if something else was wrong ... we talked for a while and he finally admitted: "I know this is what you deal with every day - but - I just couldn't do what I wanted to do and take care of Raymond ... none of his toys were interesting, I couldn't get him to stop crying."
( -He gets major kudos for giving me some props and understanding that my day isn't about what I want to do at ALL with Raymond - )
For all of you moms out there I'm sure you can appreciate that I was tying very hard to be sympathetic and not laugh out loud at this statement. Really? You were not able to do what you wanted to do? You had to adjust all your activities around Raymond?
We laughed about it this morning and I think Morgan has recovered from 2 hours of not being able to do what he wanted to do. I hope so anyway, as I plan to go back to the Yoga class next week.
This comic relief got me through getting up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30 and 6:30 with Raymond. Man, it would have been so cool to do what I wanted to do and sleep through the night.
You think at nearly 7 months we would have already passed this milestone, but now, out of no where his entire front and back and down his legs were COVERED in the rash, he was screaming in pain when I changed his diaper and used a disposable wipe and couldn't be put down, etc without also suffering. It was terrible when I realized all of this at 5:00 pm - I even called the doctor (for a diaper rash!) as I was so startled by his suffering. I was about to talk myself out of my Yoga class to make sure Raymond was okay --- but my internal dialogue took a shift and I decided that Morgan would be fine for 2 hours. FINE. And it is just a diaper rash after all...
I had just a few minutes to run down the diaper rash care before running out the door - wash with soap and water and a wash cloth, use a cool wash cloth to make sure all the soap is off, let totally dry and then COVER in zinc based diaper rash cream. Whatever you do DO NOT USE DISPOSABLE WIPES - and whew, I was out the door. As we have reusable bamboo wipes in a warmer beside the changing table and all the other necessities I did not think this would be a big deal.
I had an awesome Hatha Yoga class and was feeling totally restored! I came home to an empty front room with toys all over the floor and hearing Raymond screaming in his room and went straight to him. It was actually pretty adorable, he reached for me and said "Mamma" (there were witnesses!) and kissed my face (or tried to suck on my face, either way adorable!) and I went to nurse him to calm him down.
Morgan came in to finish his dinner and was obviously grumpy. I asked what was wrong and he said "I just had to deal with a crying baby for 2 hours, I'm in a bad mood." Okay, I understand this, God knows he has come home to me in a similar state many many times. Raymond fell asleep and I took him in and put him down in his crib and he automatically woke up screaming I reached down to pick him back up and realized his sheet was freezing and soaking wet. Morgan forgot to tell me/change the sheet from the wetness associated with the whole diaper area cleaning...
I gave him to Morgan to calm down while I changed the sheet ... and in looking around Raymond's room I discovered many things. (1) There were clothes on the floor between the dresser and changer (2) the drawers to the dresser were all half way open (3) the disposable wipe container was on the floor (4) there were 3 reusable wipes that were wet on the changing table and on the floor (5) all of the nicely folded clothes in the dresser were tossed around making no sense at all. I began to realize I must have missed quite an episode.
While I was straightening up Morgan went back to trying to get Raymond to sleep. He read him a story in a very flat "I'm so pissed off right" now voice, he walked around with him, he looked at me grumpily and asked if I had any suggestions ... I finally took Raymond back and we went through nursing, walking around, singing songs, etc - I finally thought he might be asleep and got into the shower at 10 but he was still crying until Morgan was finally able to get him to sleep at 10:30.
As we crawled into bed Morgan's bad mood was really starting to get to me. I asked him if something else was wrong ... we talked for a while and he finally admitted: "I know this is what you deal with every day - but - I just couldn't do what I wanted to do and take care of Raymond ... none of his toys were interesting, I couldn't get him to stop crying."
( -He gets major kudos for giving me some props and understanding that my day isn't about what I want to do at ALL with Raymond - )
For all of you moms out there I'm sure you can appreciate that I was tying very hard to be sympathetic and not laugh out loud at this statement. Really? You were not able to do what you wanted to do? You had to adjust all your activities around Raymond?
We laughed about it this morning and I think Morgan has recovered from 2 hours of not being able to do what he wanted to do. I hope so anyway, as I plan to go back to the Yoga class next week.
This comic relief got me through getting up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30 and 6:30 with Raymond. Man, it would have been so cool to do what I wanted to do and sleep through the night.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Baby Raymond is the best, brightest and youngest HeadCount volunteer!
I write too much about changes, frustrations and things that I miss or struggle with ... I really use the blog more like a journal than anything else. It is a good thing my husband does not read it (hehe). Tonight, however, I would like to reflect on my AWESOME Saturday afternoon/night.
Morgan and I have volunteered with HeadCount (http://www.headcount.org/) since 2004. HeadCount is a national, nonpartisan, nonprofit voter registration organization that started in the "jam band" communtity but has since reached out to other genres of music, local events and much more. Anyway, we've been registering voters at concerts for 6 years now. After I got pregnant and we moved to North Carolina I took a more "behind the scenes" role and we have both missed being in the field terribly - becuase we miss the civic engagement and miss seeing so much great music! (Okay, living in Raleigh vs. San Francisco might also have to do with the lack of music ...)
Due to a variety of reasons it looks like I'll be running the Raleigh team until the election on November 2, 2010 - and I must admit I have been seriously jonesing to get into the field for a while. The Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area is ripe with opportunities to do voter registration and the senate race is very competative this year ... not to mention all of the state politics. Raleigh is the capital after all. I see opportunity everywhere and it is hard for me not to jump on it!
For some time we have been scheduled to work the Jack Johnson/ALO/G Love concert in Raleigh last night - it was planned intially as a big night out doing something we love - but after the tables turned it became something we were responsible for ... which was all well and good until our babysitter canceled for band practice. We couldn't find a replacement so we took Raymond to the show to work the HeadCount booth and for his first big time concert!
How much more family friendly can you get then a Jack Johnson show? How much more nonprofit friendly can you get than a Jack Johnson show?
Raymond was AMAZING. We arrived at 3:45 and he hung out with us all afternoon and registered voters without a peep at the booth - and THEN was happy as a lark (with earplugs) to enjoy the show and dance the night away with mommy and daddy in the lawn until 11:30. He also got to meet Jack Johnson! There is a photo - but Jack's photographer took it so hopefully I'll get a copy to share.
Morgan and I totally got to reconnect to an acitvity that is very meaningful for us and have a great day and night! And while working a show for HeadCount is like putting on your favorite comfortable pair of jeans - doing it with Raymond was new, wonderful and easy. I feel really blessed to have had the expereince and such a wonderful day with my boys!
Its funny that the day to day, family vacations, holidays, etc all present challenges and sometimes frustrations in learning how to do things with Raymond ... but music is easy. I guess that is becuase it is at the core of our tradition.
Don't forget to VOTE November 2, 2010!
Morgan and I have volunteered with HeadCount (http://www.headcount.org/) since 2004. HeadCount is a national, nonpartisan, nonprofit voter registration organization that started in the "jam band" communtity but has since reached out to other genres of music, local events and much more. Anyway, we've been registering voters at concerts for 6 years now. After I got pregnant and we moved to North Carolina I took a more "behind the scenes" role and we have both missed being in the field terribly - becuase we miss the civic engagement and miss seeing so much great music! (Okay, living in Raleigh vs. San Francisco might also have to do with the lack of music ...)
Due to a variety of reasons it looks like I'll be running the Raleigh team until the election on November 2, 2010 - and I must admit I have been seriously jonesing to get into the field for a while. The Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area is ripe with opportunities to do voter registration and the senate race is very competative this year ... not to mention all of the state politics. Raleigh is the capital after all. I see opportunity everywhere and it is hard for me not to jump on it!
For some time we have been scheduled to work the Jack Johnson/ALO/G Love concert in Raleigh last night - it was planned intially as a big night out doing something we love - but after the tables turned it became something we were responsible for ... which was all well and good until our babysitter canceled for band practice. We couldn't find a replacement so we took Raymond to the show to work the HeadCount booth and for his first big time concert!
How much more family friendly can you get then a Jack Johnson show? How much more nonprofit friendly can you get than a Jack Johnson show?
Raymond was AMAZING. We arrived at 3:45 and he hung out with us all afternoon and registered voters without a peep at the booth - and THEN was happy as a lark (with earplugs) to enjoy the show and dance the night away with mommy and daddy in the lawn until 11:30. He also got to meet Jack Johnson! There is a photo - but Jack's photographer took it so hopefully I'll get a copy to share.
Morgan and I totally got to reconnect to an acitvity that is very meaningful for us and have a great day and night! And while working a show for HeadCount is like putting on your favorite comfortable pair of jeans - doing it with Raymond was new, wonderful and easy. I feel really blessed to have had the expereince and such a wonderful day with my boys!
Its funny that the day to day, family vacations, holidays, etc all present challenges and sometimes frustrations in learning how to do things with Raymond ... but music is easy. I guess that is becuase it is at the core of our tradition.
Don't forget to VOTE November 2, 2010!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Vacation and "The Schedule"
As you probably know there are millions of ideas on scheduling your baby - millions. And somewhere in all that research and literature you're supposed to find your own way for what is right for you and your child. I have had the luxury of not working, which has in turn given me the chance to be pretty loose on "the schedule." I adhere to the baby-lead schedule philosophy and have created our routine around Raymond rather than creating a routine for him. I also believe that the security that a routine provides babies can be achieved just in the pattern of the day - not the exact timing.
The evolution of our schedule has gone something like this -
Newborn: Sleep when baby sleeps, nurse baby on demand, sleep, no sleep, sleep
1-4 Months: 5:30 am wake up, nurse, play, ... sleep ... only real change is that naps became more regular ... and sleeping at least 6 hours at a time at night
5-6 Months: Wake up around 7 or 8, nurse on demand, play play play, nap at 10 ish, "solid" meal at noonish, play play play, nap at 2ish, play - nurse - play - nurse - play OR go to daycare at gym, eat rice cereal at 6 ish, bath, nurse, play, reading time, nurse, sleep by 8:30/9:00
Last week we went to the beach with almost all of Morgan's maternal family - there were approx 25 of us there for the week and it was a serious challenge to the routine. All of my theory that not being too strict on the schedule would enable us to go on trips/ have changes more easily is, it turns out, total bullshit.
Breaking up the routine for the family gathering made more work and a lot more frustration for Morgan, Raymond and me. This is what I learned: (1) There is no such thing as vacation if you're a mom. (2) Dads still find time to do all of their fun vacation activities while mom takes care of the baby. (3) The family expects you and the baby to be perky, adorable and fun on demand based on what their schedule is.
I did have lots of loving hands to help with Raymond and over the course of a week I was able to go to the beach three times, once just to jump in, and twice for about an hour to lay out and relax. Morgan, Raymond and I went down together twice, the first time Raymond hated it so much I had to come back and take care of him right away while Morgan swam and the second time was perfect, we all sat in the surf and played with the sand and water for a while. I never got to go swimming in the ocean with Morgan.
And somewhere in the planning for this vacation I assumed that Morgan would pick up a lot of what I normally do with Raymond - and we would have fun doing it together or I would have a break. And he tried, he did, but plain and simple, Raymond is my full time job and Morgan can't just take it on or step in like that. And maybe I shouldn't expect him to - I honestly don't know. By the end of beach week I learned a lot about what my expectations should be when traveling with Raymond. Next time I will be better prepared emotionally for what to expect instead of having pipe dreams about relaxing like a non-mom. Those days are behind me.
For the past week I have struggled to get us back into any kind of pattern and am totally exhausted - the fact that Raymond has teeth breaking through left and right isn't helping - but I have great hopes that come Monday he'll be more settled into being home and I'll be able to get back to the gym and into having some moments for myself. Those moments are very important and I now know why many moms cling to "the schedule."
The evolution of our schedule has gone something like this -
Newborn: Sleep when baby sleeps, nurse baby on demand, sleep, no sleep, sleep
1-4 Months: 5:30 am wake up, nurse, play, ... sleep ... only real change is that naps became more regular ... and sleeping at least 6 hours at a time at night
5-6 Months: Wake up around 7 or 8, nurse on demand, play play play, nap at 10 ish, "solid" meal at noonish, play play play, nap at 2ish, play - nurse - play - nurse - play OR go to daycare at gym, eat rice cereal at 6 ish, bath, nurse, play, reading time, nurse, sleep by 8:30/9:00
Last week we went to the beach with almost all of Morgan's maternal family - there were approx 25 of us there for the week and it was a serious challenge to the routine. All of my theory that not being too strict on the schedule would enable us to go on trips/ have changes more easily is, it turns out, total bullshit.
Breaking up the routine for the family gathering made more work and a lot more frustration for Morgan, Raymond and me. This is what I learned: (1) There is no such thing as vacation if you're a mom. (2) Dads still find time to do all of their fun vacation activities while mom takes care of the baby. (3) The family expects you and the baby to be perky, adorable and fun on demand based on what their schedule is.
I did have lots of loving hands to help with Raymond and over the course of a week I was able to go to the beach three times, once just to jump in, and twice for about an hour to lay out and relax. Morgan, Raymond and I went down together twice, the first time Raymond hated it so much I had to come back and take care of him right away while Morgan swam and the second time was perfect, we all sat in the surf and played with the sand and water for a while. I never got to go swimming in the ocean with Morgan.
And somewhere in the planning for this vacation I assumed that Morgan would pick up a lot of what I normally do with Raymond - and we would have fun doing it together or I would have a break. And he tried, he did, but plain and simple, Raymond is my full time job and Morgan can't just take it on or step in like that. And maybe I shouldn't expect him to - I honestly don't know. By the end of beach week I learned a lot about what my expectations should be when traveling with Raymond. Next time I will be better prepared emotionally for what to expect instead of having pipe dreams about relaxing like a non-mom. Those days are behind me.
For the past week I have struggled to get us back into any kind of pattern and am totally exhausted - the fact that Raymond has teeth breaking through left and right isn't helping - but I have great hopes that come Monday he'll be more settled into being home and I'll be able to get back to the gym and into having some moments for myself. Those moments are very important and I now know why many moms cling to "the schedule."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Crawler!
For a month or so it has been coming, any minute. We've watched Raymond crawl one "step" and then forget how, we've seen him push himself in circle after circle, we've seen him get into "plank" position and onto his knees - but this weekend did it - we now have an all out crawler.
I tear up when I see his new independence - and how happy he is with himself as he makes progress and reached his goals. I'm frustrated that what he seems to want the most are shoes - and he wants to put them in his mouth! I'm terrified that we haven't really "baby proofed" yet and even more concerned that the TV is going to fall on top of him (can I rationalize getting a all mounted flat screen for safety?).
Most of all I can't figure out how to keep up. The Funky Farmyard isn't big enough, a twin comforter isn't big enough, a king size quilt isn't big enough. If I look away for a second he is across the room! I am seriously considering making a "track" that goes around our house and has activity stations along the way to interest him.
I tear up when I see his new independence - and how happy he is with himself as he makes progress and reached his goals. I'm frustrated that what he seems to want the most are shoes - and he wants to put them in his mouth! I'm terrified that we haven't really "baby proofed" yet and even more concerned that the TV is going to fall on top of him (can I rationalize getting a all mounted flat screen for safety?).
Most of all I can't figure out how to keep up. The Funky Farmyard isn't big enough, a twin comforter isn't big enough, a king size quilt isn't big enough. If I look away for a second he is across the room! I am seriously considering making a "track" that goes around our house and has activity stations along the way to interest him.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
ReUSE -
It is one thing to get a hand me down from friends, but another to actually buy second hand clothing and baby gear for your child. I think there is a little part of your mind that just plain old wants the best, newest, cleanest and coolest for your baby. Which is great if you have a budget for "stuff" but I do not.
In the past six months I have seen Raymond's needs evolve so quickly that I have been mentally preparing myself to buy second hand, but the only shop that I knew of is just okay - and never has anything I need right when I need it. On Tuesday I drove all the way out to North Raleigh to check out another shop and it was CLOSED when I got there (note: remember to call to make sure places are still in businesses in this economy). Yesterday I found an AWESOME shop that I have driven past dozens of times. Kid to Kid - it is a chain second hand shop. Their store is clean and well organized, their staff is helpful, they are very selective about what they buy and their prices are great! YAY!
I was able to get the Bumbo seat that I have wanted for a while with the trey for half of the price I would have spent buying it new - and it is in GREAT shape. It looks new enough to me. Morgan still didn't approve of my purchase as a real need - but when we are at the beach for the next week without a high chair I think he will change his tune.
In the past six months I have seen Raymond's needs evolve so quickly that I have been mentally preparing myself to buy second hand, but the only shop that I knew of is just okay - and never has anything I need right when I need it. On Tuesday I drove all the way out to North Raleigh to check out another shop and it was CLOSED when I got there (note: remember to call to make sure places are still in businesses in this economy). Yesterday I found an AWESOME shop that I have driven past dozens of times. Kid to Kid - it is a chain second hand shop. Their store is clean and well organized, their staff is helpful, they are very selective about what they buy and their prices are great! YAY!
I was able to get the Bumbo seat that I have wanted for a while with the trey for half of the price I would have spent buying it new - and it is in GREAT shape. It looks new enough to me. Morgan still didn't approve of my purchase as a real need - but when we are at the beach for the next week without a high chair I think he will change his tune.
Tired & Cranky Mommy
Raymond will be waking up shortly. so this will be rather brief in the world of my blog entries. I am feeling totally spent. I am angry, my nerves are shot, I'm having a terrible time sleeping because I am letting worries monopolize my mind. And as a result I don't feel like I am being as very good mom or wife, which then makes me fell guilty which also keeps me up at night.
I don't know what it is ... what has triggered this. It has been building up over the past couple of weeks - last Friday I was on the verge of loosing it while I cleaned the house. I felt so guilty for putting Raymond in his crib and leaving him there with toys while I ran around cleaning for 2 hours. (I was checking on him and he had toys and was fine, but I am used to playing with him!) I resented every minute I was spending away from him. And since then it has just escalated.
What confuses me is that I thought by starting my new routine of going to the gym I would be fulfilling my physical needs which would help me emotionally and be fulfilling for me emotionally because I am doing something for myself. But no - it has been a month and I am just tired and cranky.
What is a stay at home mom to do to get renewed? Babysitter is not in the budget. The gym is the only place where I have any sort of childcare arrangement. Husband is wiped out and distracted when he gets off of work - and he really just wants to play with Raymond at the end of the day - which does give me the chance to shower but doesn't really do much for overall renewal. Stupid TV gets turned onto baseball and husband stops talking after TV is on and then passes out in front of TV. Can't wait for football season.
I know the greatest gift in the world is my time with Raymond right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is also all the time on point for my baby boy. I need a "Dude" day - or something of the like - but I don't think I get to ever have a day off again.
I don't know what it is ... what has triggered this. It has been building up over the past couple of weeks - last Friday I was on the verge of loosing it while I cleaned the house. I felt so guilty for putting Raymond in his crib and leaving him there with toys while I ran around cleaning for 2 hours. (I was checking on him and he had toys and was fine, but I am used to playing with him!) I resented every minute I was spending away from him. And since then it has just escalated.
What confuses me is that I thought by starting my new routine of going to the gym I would be fulfilling my physical needs which would help me emotionally and be fulfilling for me emotionally because I am doing something for myself. But no - it has been a month and I am just tired and cranky.
What is a stay at home mom to do to get renewed? Babysitter is not in the budget. The gym is the only place where I have any sort of childcare arrangement. Husband is wiped out and distracted when he gets off of work - and he really just wants to play with Raymond at the end of the day - which does give me the chance to shower but doesn't really do much for overall renewal. Stupid TV gets turned onto baseball and husband stops talking after TV is on and then passes out in front of TV. Can't wait for football season.
I know the greatest gift in the world is my time with Raymond right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is also all the time on point for my baby boy. I need a "Dude" day - or something of the like - but I don't think I get to ever have a day off again.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Vaccines
Today at 2:15 pm I take Raymond to the doctor for his 6 month check up which includes the dreaded vaccines! I hate it I hate it I hate it. I have rescheduled the appointment 3 times as I have tried to prepare myself with the perfect 36 hours to have him process the shots.
I feel like we have made the right decision to keep Raymond on a traditional vaccine schedule (with the exception of refusing the Hepatitis B vaccine at birth but allowed him to get it at 2 weeks). I thought about it long and hard and did a lot of research before we had him. I also think it helps that our pediatricians office really took the time to talk to us about the vaccines before we started them and were willing to adjust the schedule based on what we felt was best. My defensive gaurd didn't pop up as much due to this communication.
I was not totally sold on keeping the schedule even after we had decided that we would do vaccines becuase I had heard about how hard getting all the shots at once could be on the baby - but then as I looked at our lives and how much we travel it was apparent that it was best to get Raymond protected as early as possible. We flew to San Francisco, which is a hot spot for even rare diseses due to the number of immigrants and travelers that come into the area, when Raymond was just over 2 1/2 months. This trip motivitated me to get things going and now we are in it.
I made the first time mom mistake of letting him get his first series of shots right before a road trip to DC to see Morgan's family in April. He cried and pooped the whole way - it took us like 8 hours to get there and we all felt terrible. But the next morning Raymond felt great. The next round came at 4 months and Morgan and I put nothing in the agenda other than having a stress free loving day with Raymond. He did not feel well for 36 hours and it was miserable. But then he bounced right back and didn't even cry later that week when he got his first two teeth!
So today I am prepared for at least 36 unhappy hours. I am trying to make sure he gets a good nap in this morning --- and have everything done around the house so I can focus on him. Morgan will be home late tonight so it will be all me for the sad baby boy! I just want to hold him, nurse him and love on him while the vaccines make their mark and constantly remind myself that the MAJOR benefit is that we are trading 36 hours of not feeling great for the potential of getting really, dangerously sick. Right?
Trust the system! Trust the CDC! Trust the doctor! These things are not in my nature but I am doing it. I am trying. It is just so hard when he is hurting as a result of me trusting "the man."
I feel like we have made the right decision to keep Raymond on a traditional vaccine schedule (with the exception of refusing the Hepatitis B vaccine at birth but allowed him to get it at 2 weeks). I thought about it long and hard and did a lot of research before we had him. I also think it helps that our pediatricians office really took the time to talk to us about the vaccines before we started them and were willing to adjust the schedule based on what we felt was best. My defensive gaurd didn't pop up as much due to this communication.
I was not totally sold on keeping the schedule even after we had decided that we would do vaccines becuase I had heard about how hard getting all the shots at once could be on the baby - but then as I looked at our lives and how much we travel it was apparent that it was best to get Raymond protected as early as possible. We flew to San Francisco, which is a hot spot for even rare diseses due to the number of immigrants and travelers that come into the area, when Raymond was just over 2 1/2 months. This trip motivitated me to get things going and now we are in it.
I made the first time mom mistake of letting him get his first series of shots right before a road trip to DC to see Morgan's family in April. He cried and pooped the whole way - it took us like 8 hours to get there and we all felt terrible. But the next morning Raymond felt great. The next round came at 4 months and Morgan and I put nothing in the agenda other than having a stress free loving day with Raymond. He did not feel well for 36 hours and it was miserable. But then he bounced right back and didn't even cry later that week when he got his first two teeth!
So today I am prepared for at least 36 unhappy hours. I am trying to make sure he gets a good nap in this morning --- and have everything done around the house so I can focus on him. Morgan will be home late tonight so it will be all me for the sad baby boy! I just want to hold him, nurse him and love on him while the vaccines make their mark and constantly remind myself that the MAJOR benefit is that we are trading 36 hours of not feeling great for the potential of getting really, dangerously sick. Right?
Trust the system! Trust the CDC! Trust the doctor! These things are not in my nature but I am doing it. I am trying. It is just so hard when he is hurting as a result of me trusting "the man."
Monday, July 26, 2010
Breast feeding and beyond ...
A year or so before I got pregnant I was talking to a friend with a beautiful baby girl and breast feeding came up. She told me that she breast fed her baby until she was a little over two years old. My friend was actually disappointed because she didn't nurse for longer... I have to admit that my first reaction was shock - I was taken back by the length of breast feeding and thought to myself that that was weird and unnecessary. I meaningfully joined in the school of thought that believes that once a baby can walk or talk they are far to old to continue to breast feed.
After I became pregnant and started to research breast feeding I had a slight change of heart, at least understanding the science behind the benefits of breast feeding your baby as long as possible. But I was still sort of weirded out by the concept. I knew I wanted to breast feed for at least 6 months and hopefully a year for health benefits - but I couldn't imagine what it would be like, nor was I particularly interested in learning about it. About a month before I was due I figured I better suck it up and get informed. During this crash course on breast feeding and a second Bradley class dedicated to the subject I started to get a little excited about being able to provide everything my baby would need! The science behind breast milk is really amazing and interesting!
24 weeks later I have made it easily to the 6 month mark and happily look forward to another 6 months or more of breast feeding. It has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I had it easy, the only struggle we had was that it took 24 hours longer than expected for my milk to come in. Raymond had been so easy to nurse and I haven't struggled with supply (knock on wood). I know many women who have struggled and either moved on to formula because it works for them or who have spent countless frustrating days and weeks making breast feeding work. It is a lifestyle choice that requires determination and dedication. I feel blessed to have had this experience!
People comment that breast feeding is an amazing time to "bond with your baby." And that is totally true. I don't feel like that phrase even begins to cover it. In some ways I feel like it is a totally primal experience - when your body and your baby's instincts meet without thought or reason and nourish you both. The baby get everything it needs and your body releases hormones that help you relax. I might even call it primal meditation.
Now Raymond is starting to move into eating "solid" foods. He has had rice cereal, sweet potatoes, squash, hummus, sweet peas and avocado. The more I read about the introduction of food into the diet I realize that there are two schools of thought - one is that you start to ween the baby off of breast milk through the other foods and the other that you are introducing the solids to give the baby an opportunity to develop a taste for foods at a young age. When we started preparing to introduce the food it did not even occur to me that we would be weening him - and it still doesn't. My approach to all of this is that he will make the right choices for his body when he is ready. We are just providing exposure.
I have really enjoyed planning and making the baby food as well. It is a pretty amazing concept, to give your child their first flavors and tastes of food. And I continue to breast feed on demand. I think it may have dropped off a bit but was are not on any kind of schedule nor have I kept track since the first month passed.
We will see how long I breast feed - I am confident that it will easily be at least a year. Maybe longer. Maybe two.
After I became pregnant and started to research breast feeding I had a slight change of heart, at least understanding the science behind the benefits of breast feeding your baby as long as possible. But I was still sort of weirded out by the concept. I knew I wanted to breast feed for at least 6 months and hopefully a year for health benefits - but I couldn't imagine what it would be like, nor was I particularly interested in learning about it. About a month before I was due I figured I better suck it up and get informed. During this crash course on breast feeding and a second Bradley class dedicated to the subject I started to get a little excited about being able to provide everything my baby would need! The science behind breast milk is really amazing and interesting!
24 weeks later I have made it easily to the 6 month mark and happily look forward to another 6 months or more of breast feeding. It has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I had it easy, the only struggle we had was that it took 24 hours longer than expected for my milk to come in. Raymond had been so easy to nurse and I haven't struggled with supply (knock on wood). I know many women who have struggled and either moved on to formula because it works for them or who have spent countless frustrating days and weeks making breast feeding work. It is a lifestyle choice that requires determination and dedication. I feel blessed to have had this experience!
People comment that breast feeding is an amazing time to "bond with your baby." And that is totally true. I don't feel like that phrase even begins to cover it. In some ways I feel like it is a totally primal experience - when your body and your baby's instincts meet without thought or reason and nourish you both. The baby get everything it needs and your body releases hormones that help you relax. I might even call it primal meditation.
Now Raymond is starting to move into eating "solid" foods. He has had rice cereal, sweet potatoes, squash, hummus, sweet peas and avocado. The more I read about the introduction of food into the diet I realize that there are two schools of thought - one is that you start to ween the baby off of breast milk through the other foods and the other that you are introducing the solids to give the baby an opportunity to develop a taste for foods at a young age. When we started preparing to introduce the food it did not even occur to me that we would be weening him - and it still doesn't. My approach to all of this is that he will make the right choices for his body when he is ready. We are just providing exposure.
I have really enjoyed planning and making the baby food as well. It is a pretty amazing concept, to give your child their first flavors and tastes of food. And I continue to breast feed on demand. I think it may have dropped off a bit but was are not on any kind of schedule nor have I kept track since the first month passed.
We will see how long I breast feed - I am confident that it will easily be at least a year. Maybe longer. Maybe two.
Friday, July 9, 2010
E Coli
I have a love/hate relationship with bacteria. There are a lot of good bacteria in the world that we need and depend on in our lives. For this reason I try to stay off antibiotics and as a general rule don’t bug out with anti-bacterial soaps, hand sanitizers, etc. My theory is always to be cautious, clean and thoughtful and you’ll stay healthy.
And then there are the BAD bacteria. The bacteria that made me terribly ill on my honeymoon, made scales appear all over my face, that caused a staph infection in my armpit and most recently the evil awful terrible E Coli that gave my baby boy a bladder infection. I HATE that E Coli.
Twelve days ago Raymond’s low grade teething fever spiked and his fussiness turned to something much more serious. Once again I found myself at my pediatrician’s office at 7:00 am for walk-in hours. This time around I thought I might be being overly cautious. Maybe this was just extreme teething and they were going to tell me not to worry. Or at least that is what I was mentally trying to rationalize while all of my mother instincts were totally freaking out.
We went through it all, the symptoms, the exam and finally the dreaded finger prick. After squeezing Raymond’s finger dry the doctor (who I love, btw) came back in to report that his white blood cell count was very high (a “20”) and as the ears, nose and throat were all clear that left us with one other option, his bladder. The only way to check was via catheter. I held my baby boy and covered him with kisses for the two or three minutes it took them to extract some urine and felt like the most evil terrible mother in the world. He of course bounced back right afterwards and was not at all upset.
We had to wait about 15 minutes for the results – so I nursed Raymond and played with him and generally he seemed to be feeling a lot better. Again my mind was thinking I put us through all of this unnecessarily.
The doctor walked back in again with a grave expression on her face. There was blood in his urine and an even higher white blood cell count. We had to wait until the next morning for the official culture results but alas we knew – bladder infection. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
Bladder infections can quickly reach the kidneys which is the primary concern for safety reasons – as such there is no way to avoid the use of antibiotics. Damn it. We started treatment immediately and I also started supplementing with some pro-biotics on the advice of baby nurse extraordinaire, Aunt Carol Vickery. Raymond has two days left of the antibiotics and seems to be doing quite well.
I, on the other hand, have put myself through and through the ringer about how my baby boy could get E Coli. I have talked to two nurses and three doctors all of which have told me that it just happens and I can’t put this on myself. I have blamed myself for not keeping the dog away from Raymond, for not washing his hands more, for kissing his fingers, for letting the bottle serialization area in our kitchen get too close to the food prep. And it goes on and on.
Most notably I mistakenly let myself get taken in by some dumb internet site that said it was my fault for not circumcising Raymond. I have since done much more credible research and checked with every doctor I know to confirm that this was not the cause. (On this point I would like to make a side note that everyone I consulted advised me that while there is a slightly higher correlation between uncircumcised boys under one year of age to bladder infections it is not the cause and in fact the lifelong average of bladder infections in uncircumcised males is significantly less. I was also told across the board by everyone I consulted that the lifelong health benefits to the male are so great when not circumcised that whatever correlation exists to infant bladder infections is inconsequential in comparison. My question to you all then is WHY DON’T THEY TELL ALL PARENTS ABOUT ALL THE HEALTH BENEFITS WHEN THEY ARE DECIDEING WHAT TO DO? Passing out at pamphlet is one thing, but actually hearing it from the doctor is another. Still too touchy of a subject I guess.)
Next week I have to take Raymond to have an ultrasound of his kidneys as there is a slight chance that he may have an enlarged kidney that is the cause of his infection. Again blaming myself for anything I could have done in my life to mess up my reproductive organs so he might have a kidney irregularity. We also have to do another catheter to make sure the urine is all clear of infection.
If he gets a second bladder infection then we will have to have more invasive testing done. God willing that won’t happen.
In the meantime I am scrubbing down my house at every turn and making my husband crazy with all of my newly instituted mania. Earlier this week he asked if it was still possible for me to just sit and take a breather as I seem to either been tending to Raymond or cleaning something. Obviously - Morgan is right - I can’t sit down very easily. I don’t think I’ll be able to do so until I know my baby boy is really okay.
And then there are the BAD bacteria. The bacteria that made me terribly ill on my honeymoon, made scales appear all over my face, that caused a staph infection in my armpit and most recently the evil awful terrible E Coli that gave my baby boy a bladder infection. I HATE that E Coli.
Twelve days ago Raymond’s low grade teething fever spiked and his fussiness turned to something much more serious. Once again I found myself at my pediatrician’s office at 7:00 am for walk-in hours. This time around I thought I might be being overly cautious. Maybe this was just extreme teething and they were going to tell me not to worry. Or at least that is what I was mentally trying to rationalize while all of my mother instincts were totally freaking out.
We went through it all, the symptoms, the exam and finally the dreaded finger prick. After squeezing Raymond’s finger dry the doctor (who I love, btw) came back in to report that his white blood cell count was very high (a “20”) and as the ears, nose and throat were all clear that left us with one other option, his bladder. The only way to check was via catheter. I held my baby boy and covered him with kisses for the two or three minutes it took them to extract some urine and felt like the most evil terrible mother in the world. He of course bounced back right afterwards and was not at all upset.
We had to wait about 15 minutes for the results – so I nursed Raymond and played with him and generally he seemed to be feeling a lot better. Again my mind was thinking I put us through all of this unnecessarily.
The doctor walked back in again with a grave expression on her face. There was blood in his urine and an even higher white blood cell count. We had to wait until the next morning for the official culture results but alas we knew – bladder infection. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
Bladder infections can quickly reach the kidneys which is the primary concern for safety reasons – as such there is no way to avoid the use of antibiotics. Damn it. We started treatment immediately and I also started supplementing with some pro-biotics on the advice of baby nurse extraordinaire, Aunt Carol Vickery. Raymond has two days left of the antibiotics and seems to be doing quite well.
I, on the other hand, have put myself through and through the ringer about how my baby boy could get E Coli. I have talked to two nurses and three doctors all of which have told me that it just happens and I can’t put this on myself. I have blamed myself for not keeping the dog away from Raymond, for not washing his hands more, for kissing his fingers, for letting the bottle serialization area in our kitchen get too close to the food prep. And it goes on and on.
Most notably I mistakenly let myself get taken in by some dumb internet site that said it was my fault for not circumcising Raymond. I have since done much more credible research and checked with every doctor I know to confirm that this was not the cause. (On this point I would like to make a side note that everyone I consulted advised me that while there is a slightly higher correlation between uncircumcised boys under one year of age to bladder infections it is not the cause and in fact the lifelong average of bladder infections in uncircumcised males is significantly less. I was also told across the board by everyone I consulted that the lifelong health benefits to the male are so great when not circumcised that whatever correlation exists to infant bladder infections is inconsequential in comparison. My question to you all then is WHY DON’T THEY TELL ALL PARENTS ABOUT ALL THE HEALTH BENEFITS WHEN THEY ARE DECIDEING WHAT TO DO? Passing out at pamphlet is one thing, but actually hearing it from the doctor is another. Still too touchy of a subject I guess.)
Next week I have to take Raymond to have an ultrasound of his kidneys as there is a slight chance that he may have an enlarged kidney that is the cause of his infection. Again blaming myself for anything I could have done in my life to mess up my reproductive organs so he might have a kidney irregularity. We also have to do another catheter to make sure the urine is all clear of infection.
If he gets a second bladder infection then we will have to have more invasive testing done. God willing that won’t happen.
In the meantime I am scrubbing down my house at every turn and making my husband crazy with all of my newly instituted mania. Earlier this week he asked if it was still possible for me to just sit and take a breather as I seem to either been tending to Raymond or cleaning something. Obviously - Morgan is right - I can’t sit down very easily. I don’t think I’ll be able to do so until I know my baby boy is really okay.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Great Diaper Delima
Like everything with pregnancy and child raising, you can find someone who will say anything about diaper choices to back up or justify your diaper practice. But when it comes down to it there really is no perfect way to diaper.
I think there are two absolutes: (1) Diapers are without question the second largest contributor to landfills around the world. (2) Human waste, when left untreated, is without question absolutely terrible for the environment.
But is it better if you only breast feed? If you only feed organic baby food? What about the effect of the treatment plants on the earth? What about cloth, chlorine free, latex free? What about water problems where I live? Forget the planet, what is best for my baby's health? The never ending series of questions goes on and on ... AND .. pick your choice or your poison, there is a study or a blog or some other seemingly credible source to back it up.
When I was pregnant Morgan and I started sifting through the massive amount of information about diapering and decided to go with cloth diapers at home and disposable whenever we were out or traveling. We have stuck to this plan pretty well - in 21 weeks of Raymond's life I have used 9 packages of 7th Generation Diapers (approx $99) and cloth diapers the rest of the time (total investment $150 so far). Our investment in cloth has certainly paid for itself and I have not had a problem with cleaning them. I use liners that are totally biodegradable between the bottom and the cloth and flush those along with any #2 waste. If the waste overflows then I use our nifty sprayer to rinse any excess off and flush it. I wash the diapers as soon as I run out of covers, about once every 6 days, with a few drops of Tee Tree Oil to act as an anti fungal. They always come out clean and I have no feeling that my washer is poopy, which was my fear. I am sure there is some reside of poop in our brown water, but I do not think it much more than some folk's skid marks would leave behind. (hehe skid marks).
I do use disposable (chlorine and latex free) diapers whenever we are traveling, going out, and when Raymond is sleeping. (And I am much less likely to "knock out" the poop with a disposable. I suck.) Simply because it is easier. And for many people that is what it comes down too - what will work in their lifestyle. Many of us live in areas with totally different environmental challenges so it makes sense that we would make alternate decisions regarding the best way to diaper for the world.
But the point blank truth of it all is that is is gross - not so much gross for us to deal with our child's poop - but gross for the world. Personally I am a little better knowing that at least 50% of our diaper waste isn't going into a landfill - but that is what works for me. There is definitely no right answer.
I think there are two absolutes: (1) Diapers are without question the second largest contributor to landfills around the world. (2) Human waste, when left untreated, is without question absolutely terrible for the environment.
But is it better if you only breast feed? If you only feed organic baby food? What about the effect of the treatment plants on the earth? What about cloth, chlorine free, latex free? What about water problems where I live? Forget the planet, what is best for my baby's health? The never ending series of questions goes on and on ... AND .. pick your choice or your poison, there is a study or a blog or some other seemingly credible source to back it up.
When I was pregnant Morgan and I started sifting through the massive amount of information about diapering and decided to go with cloth diapers at home and disposable whenever we were out or traveling. We have stuck to this plan pretty well - in 21 weeks of Raymond's life I have used 9 packages of 7th Generation Diapers (approx $99) and cloth diapers the rest of the time (total investment $150 so far). Our investment in cloth has certainly paid for itself and I have not had a problem with cleaning them. I use liners that are totally biodegradable between the bottom and the cloth and flush those along with any #2 waste. If the waste overflows then I use our nifty sprayer to rinse any excess off and flush it. I wash the diapers as soon as I run out of covers, about once every 6 days, with a few drops of Tee Tree Oil to act as an anti fungal. They always come out clean and I have no feeling that my washer is poopy, which was my fear. I am sure there is some reside of poop in our brown water, but I do not think it much more than some folk's skid marks would leave behind. (hehe skid marks).
I do use disposable (chlorine and latex free) diapers whenever we are traveling, going out, and when Raymond is sleeping. (And I am much less likely to "knock out" the poop with a disposable. I suck.) Simply because it is easier. And for many people that is what it comes down too - what will work in their lifestyle. Many of us live in areas with totally different environmental challenges so it makes sense that we would make alternate decisions regarding the best way to diaper for the world.
But the point blank truth of it all is that is is gross - not so much gross for us to deal with our child's poop - but gross for the world. Personally I am a little better knowing that at least 50% of our diaper waste isn't going into a landfill - but that is what works for me. There is definitely no right answer.
Mamma Chi - Follow Up
As I previously mentioned, motherhood has changed my perspective on taking care of me. It would be a total lie to claim that I have ever found inter peace through yoga or meditation. I have never had the patience to perfect my practice. As a child and into my teens I did find a great deal of peace through the ritual of church and church camp, but those days are long gone. For as long as I can remember - in all the phases of my life - I have found my soul through music. And after a four night Phish run I am totally revived.
Last summer I caught 6 or 7 shows while I was pregnant and had a really good time, affirming the fact that my enjoyment had nothing to do with the party but instead with the music. However, I believe that in 2009 Phish and I were both guarded - Phish 2009 was busy trying to hit all the notes and I was busy trying to catch them - and tune out all the party I was missing around me as the pregnant SOBER driver, etc. Phish 2010 finds us both in a very different place. I am so happy to be here - to have let down the guard and the concerns and let in the music -
Despite the bruises covering my legs from dancing so hard in the seats, my chi is flowing smoothly and fruitfully. Thank God for Rock 'n Roll and Phamily, all along the way.
Last summer I caught 6 or 7 shows while I was pregnant and had a really good time, affirming the fact that my enjoyment had nothing to do with the party but instead with the music. However, I believe that in 2009 Phish and I were both guarded - Phish 2009 was busy trying to hit all the notes and I was busy trying to catch them - and tune out all the party I was missing around me as the pregnant SOBER driver, etc. Phish 2010 finds us both in a very different place. I am so happy to be here - to have let down the guard and the concerns and let in the music -
Despite the bruises covering my legs from dancing so hard in the seats, my chi is flowing smoothly and fruitfully. Thank God for Rock 'n Roll and Phamily, all along the way.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Mamma Chi
This has been a hard week of mothering. Raymond cut his first two bottom teeth at 17 weeks with mild fussiness and barely any crying. One night we was just wired at like 3 am and I stayed up with him for a couple of hours playing and the next morning there was one tooth, the following morning the second one arrived. Since then we have had a little break from teething mania, until this week. No new teeth have appeared YET, but they are very close and my little boy hurts. I hate it. And as he has really not been a crier thus far, I am totally caught off guard by the amount of crying and lack of sleep that is going on every day.
To top it off I have went to the dentist and had a serious teeth cleaning that left my mouth in a lot of pain and I went to the dermatologist and had two moles removed.
I was feeling a little frustrated and when speaking with my brother in law this week about being a little off he pointed out the obvious - I did have pieces of me cut out this week! Philip is undergoing acupuncture treatment for chronic back problems right now and of course he would be enlightened enough to point out the freaking obvious - my Chi is totally out of wack.
I have had very successful acupuncture treatments over the course of my adult life and believe wholeheartedly in the theory behind it - and often when I can't get to a treatment try visualization meditation to balance out my Chi. I was even working in that mindset through pregnancy and delivery. But since I have had Raymond I have not had a moment to think about my internal energy flow.
I have joked a few times that as a mom I no longer have the luxury of being sick or having a "Dude" day. And I am happy with this change. All I've needed to keep myself going since I had Raymond is a shower. As long as I could have 5 to 15 minutes of hot water to wash off the spit up, etc I'm okay. Or at least that is what I have been going on - but this week I have realized that this Mamma might need a little more. I need to get my Chi back in order to be able to keep going - to be the best mom I can be and not get too run down.
To top it off I have went to the dentist and had a serious teeth cleaning that left my mouth in a lot of pain and I went to the dermatologist and had two moles removed.
I was feeling a little frustrated and when speaking with my brother in law this week about being a little off he pointed out the obvious - I did have pieces of me cut out this week! Philip is undergoing acupuncture treatment for chronic back problems right now and of course he would be enlightened enough to point out the freaking obvious - my Chi is totally out of wack.
I have had very successful acupuncture treatments over the course of my adult life and believe wholeheartedly in the theory behind it - and often when I can't get to a treatment try visualization meditation to balance out my Chi. I was even working in that mindset through pregnancy and delivery. But since I have had Raymond I have not had a moment to think about my internal energy flow.
I have joked a few times that as a mom I no longer have the luxury of being sick or having a "Dude" day. And I am happy with this change. All I've needed to keep myself going since I had Raymond is a shower. As long as I could have 5 to 15 minutes of hot water to wash off the spit up, etc I'm okay. Or at least that is what I have been going on - but this week I have realized that this Mamma might need a little more. I need to get my Chi back in order to be able to keep going - to be the best mom I can be and not get too run down.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Can I still be "green" and shop at Target?
The only Gandhi quote I know off hand is very trendy these days - but a good quote nonetheless: "Be the change you want to see in the world." I love this quote and its sentiment - and while it closely mirrors the Golden Rule, I feel it is more expansive in not only covering the way you treat other people, but the way you live within the whole world. Thoreau also touched me in Walden: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined!" The later quote inspired my senior philosophy thesis and was a reading at our wedding in 2007. Clearly the idea of living with intention is central to the value system Morgan and I embrace and will expose Raymond to ~ it will be up to him to live how he sees fit.
Morgan and I fight against mainstream American consumer culture to make decisions that have the smallest carbon footprint possible in an effort to "be the change" in our environment. Ultimately we believe in living simply in local economies with less consumption. That is a very loaded series of goals, however, and I am faltering with the dreaded big box store.
Since moving to Raleigh I have rediscovered the convenience and value of Target. I have to admit, I REALLY look forward to getting to go to Target. It is one of my favorite air-conditioned outings. In the six years we lived in San Francisco I went to Target a total of 5 times and I remember them all vividly. There it was easier and cheaper considering the price of gas to shop at Cole Hardware or on Clement Street and not drive OUT of the city to go to Target. Here, Target is less than 2 miles from my house.
However, every time I come home from Target my dear husband gives me the slightest look of disapproval in my shopping choice. And maybe some back handed comments about me shopping there from time to time. One of the qualities I love about Morgan is that he always challenges others and himself to be more thoughtful in their actions by playing the devil's advocate - so I can't complain too much about his Target trash talk. But after a recent confrontation about it I am reflecting on my consumerism and the example I am setting for Raymond.
I have broken my choice to shop at Target down within "the change I want to see in the world" into two categories - first, the benefit of distribution of "green" products to the mainstream and second, the harm to local economy.
Target is a pretty damn good employer, corporate citizen and friend of the environment. And currently Target has the best price on 7th Generation household products in my area. So, when I need cleaning supplies, dish soap, laundry detergent I can buy the brand that is very "green" at Target and save 25% from the prices at Whole Foods, other local retailers and even more from ordering online. Target also sells a full collection of several other brands of "green" household products at a lower price than other local retailers. As such the mainstream consumer can walk into Target and be presented with easy, low cost green options. The benefit of getting these biodegradable, green - i.e. bleach, phosphate and other chemical free - products into widespread use is incredibly important to our environmental and personal health.
In business school I did a lot of research on effective ways to market green products and services, and to no surprise the most successful brands do not lead with their positive environmental impacts. Rather, to be embraced by the consumer something that is "green" needs to present a value proposition that saves money or is healthier - just being good for our world isn't enough to sell to the mainstream. It also needs to be EASY to buy and COST competitive. While the various brands have to earn credibility, distribution through Target is definitely easy and cost competitive, achieving half of the equation! I am 100% behind mainstream distribution that takes green products out of the niche.
(Note: I could also make Wal-Mart sound good as they have one of the most efficient distribution networks in the world, are covering their rooftops in solar and offer one of the nation's largest assortment of organic foods. However, as I know the first two points alone save then enough money to provide all their employees the most stellar benefits in the country, which they do not do, and their organic food selection is all factory farm organic that only became available after the FDA lowered organic standards a few years a go, and moreover they still top the world's top ten list for child labor violators. As such, I haven't shopped in a Wal-Mart in some time for anything other than emergency trips to their vision department to get contacts.)
Target is a national retailer and most definitely effects local shops. We've all heard the stores and seen the documentaries about general stores in middle America closing down due to big box operations. We know that the lower cost products are often made abroad (the dreaded made in China) and as a result not only are domestic retailers effected but so are domestic manufactures. It sucks.
If I could have the real change I want to see in the world we would step back into a world of local storefronts. And to really step out of the box I would like to see fewer options, and have the options offered to consumers have higher quality and less mass distribution of crap. But I am not sure we can really go all the way back there to the totally local marketplace in our global economy with Internet shopping. Consumers wants choice and value on demand, and I am certain that driving to a big store and finding what you want in person and taking in home has its own value in efficiency.
And I have to boast that Target and REI are pretty much the only non-local retailers where our family regularly shops. We do the best we can to support local EVERYTHING. And I think we are able to pay a premium to shop locally because I save our family money by buying household products, toothpaste, etc at Target.
Surely this also sets a positive example for Raymond? Surely shopping at Target does not make me the cause of faltering local economies? I believe I am still causing some positive change with the choices I make.
Or maybe I have just folded under the American culture for easy, cheap shopping like a house democrat selling out universal heath care for the next best reasonable option. There is always a judgement someone can make, even if you're making a good thoughtful decision.
Morgan and I fight against mainstream American consumer culture to make decisions that have the smallest carbon footprint possible in an effort to "be the change" in our environment. Ultimately we believe in living simply in local economies with less consumption. That is a very loaded series of goals, however, and I am faltering with the dreaded big box store.
Since moving to Raleigh I have rediscovered the convenience and value of Target. I have to admit, I REALLY look forward to getting to go to Target. It is one of my favorite air-conditioned outings. In the six years we lived in San Francisco I went to Target a total of 5 times and I remember them all vividly. There it was easier and cheaper considering the price of gas to shop at Cole Hardware or on Clement Street and not drive OUT of the city to go to Target. Here, Target is less than 2 miles from my house.
However, every time I come home from Target my dear husband gives me the slightest look of disapproval in my shopping choice. And maybe some back handed comments about me shopping there from time to time. One of the qualities I love about Morgan is that he always challenges others and himself to be more thoughtful in their actions by playing the devil's advocate - so I can't complain too much about his Target trash talk. But after a recent confrontation about it I am reflecting on my consumerism and the example I am setting for Raymond.
I have broken my choice to shop at Target down within "the change I want to see in the world" into two categories - first, the benefit of distribution of "green" products to the mainstream and second, the harm to local economy.
Target is a pretty damn good employer, corporate citizen and friend of the environment. And currently Target has the best price on 7th Generation household products in my area. So, when I need cleaning supplies, dish soap, laundry detergent I can buy the brand that is very "green" at Target and save 25% from the prices at Whole Foods, other local retailers and even more from ordering online. Target also sells a full collection of several other brands of "green" household products at a lower price than other local retailers. As such the mainstream consumer can walk into Target and be presented with easy, low cost green options. The benefit of getting these biodegradable, green - i.e. bleach, phosphate and other chemical free - products into widespread use is incredibly important to our environmental and personal health.
In business school I did a lot of research on effective ways to market green products and services, and to no surprise the most successful brands do not lead with their positive environmental impacts. Rather, to be embraced by the consumer something that is "green" needs to present a value proposition that saves money or is healthier - just being good for our world isn't enough to sell to the mainstream. It also needs to be EASY to buy and COST competitive. While the various brands have to earn credibility, distribution through Target is definitely easy and cost competitive, achieving half of the equation! I am 100% behind mainstream distribution that takes green products out of the niche.
(Note: I could also make Wal-Mart sound good as they have one of the most efficient distribution networks in the world, are covering their rooftops in solar and offer one of the nation's largest assortment of organic foods. However, as I know the first two points alone save then enough money to provide all their employees the most stellar benefits in the country, which they do not do, and their organic food selection is all factory farm organic that only became available after the FDA lowered organic standards a few years a go, and moreover they still top the world's top ten list for child labor violators. As such, I haven't shopped in a Wal-Mart in some time for anything other than emergency trips to their vision department to get contacts.)
Target is a national retailer and most definitely effects local shops. We've all heard the stores and seen the documentaries about general stores in middle America closing down due to big box operations. We know that the lower cost products are often made abroad (the dreaded made in China) and as a result not only are domestic retailers effected but so are domestic manufactures. It sucks.
If I could have the real change I want to see in the world we would step back into a world of local storefronts. And to really step out of the box I would like to see fewer options, and have the options offered to consumers have higher quality and less mass distribution of crap. But I am not sure we can really go all the way back there to the totally local marketplace in our global economy with Internet shopping. Consumers wants choice and value on demand, and I am certain that driving to a big store and finding what you want in person and taking in home has its own value in efficiency.
And I have to boast that Target and REI are pretty much the only non-local retailers where our family regularly shops. We do the best we can to support local EVERYTHING. And I think we are able to pay a premium to shop locally because I save our family money by buying household products, toothpaste, etc at Target.
Surely this also sets a positive example for Raymond? Surely shopping at Target does not make me the cause of faltering local economies? I believe I am still causing some positive change with the choices I make.
Or maybe I have just folded under the American culture for easy, cheap shopping like a house democrat selling out universal heath care for the next best reasonable option. There is always a judgement someone can make, even if you're making a good thoughtful decision.
FEVER
At the end of April Raymond got his first cold on the way back from California I was shocked and thought that somehow my breast milk was failing as all the literature makes it sound like if you breast feed your baby will never get sick. Then I blamed myself for being distracted and not covering the entire plane in hand sanitizer on the way home. Even though the cold lasted over a week, he never had a fever, just a cough that broke my heart! The cold ran its course and our little man recovered nicely.
Then came the first fever in May. I noticed about mid day that he was feeling a little warm, but I didn't really trust myself to be sure. Since having Raymond and due to breast feeding my body temperature is way higher than it used to be. But at dinner that night cousin Drew was holding Raymond during dinner and also noticed that Raymond was very warm. We immediately took his temperature in his armpit and it was 103.5 degrees. We then followed it up by taking the rectal temperature as the armpit reading was so high and it was over 105 degrees. I was terrified! That sounds so incredibly high! My gut reaction was to RUN to the ER - which of course would be the worst thing I could possibly do to Raymond -
Luckily Drew is a veteran dad and was able to be very helpful and responsive. While Morgan was calling the nurse line for the pediatrician Drew called Carol, our family baby nurse, and she calmed me down. The most important part of what she said being that as long as I trust Raymond's doctor we were going to be fine. The nurse on call advised to make sure he was getting plenty of fluids, give him generic Tylenol (not to use the name brand as it was very close to the recall), strip him down to minimal clothes and go to the doctor in the morning. She said if it did not go down or peaked close to 107 degrees to call back. This whole time I am thinking 107! Are you kidding! Won't that kill someone! But my mom reminded me that baby's get really high temperatures and it is okay. We followed the nurses' advise and Raymond's temperature dropped down - although I couldn't get it below 100 all night.
This particular night we were having a nice meal and Morgan was planning on bottle feeding Raymond so I could enjoy some wine. I was about 2 1/2 glasses in when we realized he had a fever! The most important thing you can do is to nurse and get the baby hydrated and I was totally blocked from being able to do that for a couple of hours. I started pounding water while Morgan tried to give him the bottle. Raymond was seriously resisting the bottle (as usual) and I felt terrible!
I was up most of the night and had Raymond in the doctor's office when it opened at 7:00 am for "walk-in" hours for sick children. (Note: if you are looking for a pediatrician I highly recommend making sure the office has a good walk-in period for occasions like this. It was awesome not to even have to call or worry, I could just GO!) After a full exam we learned that Raymond simply had a virus - a virus that needed to run its course.
All of the baby health and prep books I read did not prepare me at all for the fear and worry that came with the first fever! But I learned a lot. Raymond has has two subsequent fevers since this experience. One after his second round of shots - the day after the shots he just moaned and moaned and had a little fever. This is to be expected. And again over the past two days he has been running slightly under 100 - also to be expected as he is teething. I hate that he doesn't feel well but I am not experiencing the frantic worry or personal blame that accompanied the first fever at all. I am not even giving him Tylenol as it has not broken 100 and I don't want to over medicate. I am nursing like crazy but that is good for both of us.
Then came the first fever in May. I noticed about mid day that he was feeling a little warm, but I didn't really trust myself to be sure. Since having Raymond and due to breast feeding my body temperature is way higher than it used to be. But at dinner that night cousin Drew was holding Raymond during dinner and also noticed that Raymond was very warm. We immediately took his temperature in his armpit and it was 103.5 degrees. We then followed it up by taking the rectal temperature as the armpit reading was so high and it was over 105 degrees. I was terrified! That sounds so incredibly high! My gut reaction was to RUN to the ER - which of course would be the worst thing I could possibly do to Raymond -
Luckily Drew is a veteran dad and was able to be very helpful and responsive. While Morgan was calling the nurse line for the pediatrician Drew called Carol, our family baby nurse, and she calmed me down. The most important part of what she said being that as long as I trust Raymond's doctor we were going to be fine. The nurse on call advised to make sure he was getting plenty of fluids, give him generic Tylenol (not to use the name brand as it was very close to the recall), strip him down to minimal clothes and go to the doctor in the morning. She said if it did not go down or peaked close to 107 degrees to call back. This whole time I am thinking 107! Are you kidding! Won't that kill someone! But my mom reminded me that baby's get really high temperatures and it is okay. We followed the nurses' advise and Raymond's temperature dropped down - although I couldn't get it below 100 all night.
This particular night we were having a nice meal and Morgan was planning on bottle feeding Raymond so I could enjoy some wine. I was about 2 1/2 glasses in when we realized he had a fever! The most important thing you can do is to nurse and get the baby hydrated and I was totally blocked from being able to do that for a couple of hours. I started pounding water while Morgan tried to give him the bottle. Raymond was seriously resisting the bottle (as usual) and I felt terrible!
I was up most of the night and had Raymond in the doctor's office when it opened at 7:00 am for "walk-in" hours for sick children. (Note: if you are looking for a pediatrician I highly recommend making sure the office has a good walk-in period for occasions like this. It was awesome not to even have to call or worry, I could just GO!) After a full exam we learned that Raymond simply had a virus - a virus that needed to run its course.
All of the baby health and prep books I read did not prepare me at all for the fear and worry that came with the first fever! But I learned a lot. Raymond has has two subsequent fevers since this experience. One after his second round of shots - the day after the shots he just moaned and moaned and had a little fever. This is to be expected. And again over the past two days he has been running slightly under 100 - also to be expected as he is teething. I hate that he doesn't feel well but I am not experiencing the frantic worry or personal blame that accompanied the first fever at all. I am not even giving him Tylenol as it has not broken 100 and I don't want to over medicate. I am nursing like crazy but that is good for both of us.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Trying NOT to Judge or be Judged
If you know me you know that I can be completely judgemental. It is one of my worst qualities. Often I have to talk myself out of judgement before re-entering social situations. Throughout pregnancy and in becoming a mother I have had to face my terrible judgemental nature of others as I watched/watch people judge me for decisions Morgan and I are making. There is nothing more personal that how you decide to carry, deliver and raise your child.
However, I constantly find myself challenged. I look at other people's decisions and really think that if they only knew what I knew from all the reading a prep that we did they would make better decisions. I can even make that sound good: I think that parents should all be better educated on pregnancy, delivery, toxicology, nutrition/breast feeding and development to make the best decisions for their family and child. Although, behind that statement I am still thinking, then they would do what we are doing.
Last weekend we were in Vienna with Morgan's family and I knew my decisions were being judged twice. The first time when Raymond's great grandmother asked what he was eating and I advised that we were still on a breast milk only diet. She looked at my mother in law and said something along the lines of "they feed them so much later now." The second time when Morgan and I were discussing a trip next January and my mother in law said "oh well you can leave him with us, he'll almost be a year, you won't still be breast feeding." When I advised that in fact I am planning on still breast feeding at that time she sounded surprised with a simple "Oh you will?" Neither of these fine and generously loving ladies would ever say they thought I was wrong in either of these decisions - it is much more of a that is not how we did it sort of feeling. There are countless articles in parenting magazines and baby books about how to address the generational divide between current research on child rearing and wisdom passed down through the ages. I am blessed to not be challenged by either of their statements as I know they love us and trust the decisions we are making, but nonetheless I want to explain. I want to send studies and links and personal stories that justify why we are right in the decisions we are making for Raymond. But I know that is not the way to be. I just have to walk away - and know that if anyone ever asks I have a whole arsenal of literature to share.
Besides my nature and need to be right, I think a lot of my personal struggle with judgement is centered on my feverish need to be certain that we are doing everything right, that we are being the best possible parents, that Raymond has the best possible care and advantage we can give. There are regular pauses in my day during which I step back and remember that the most important thing we can give Raymond is simply love - not breast milk or sensory development toys. Just love. The rest is all gravy. I know that. I know that for other families too.
However, I constantly find myself challenged. I look at other people's decisions and really think that if they only knew what I knew from all the reading a prep that we did they would make better decisions. I can even make that sound good: I think that parents should all be better educated on pregnancy, delivery, toxicology, nutrition/breast feeding and development to make the best decisions for their family and child. Although, behind that statement I am still thinking, then they would do what we are doing.
Last weekend we were in Vienna with Morgan's family and I knew my decisions were being judged twice. The first time when Raymond's great grandmother asked what he was eating and I advised that we were still on a breast milk only diet. She looked at my mother in law and said something along the lines of "they feed them so much later now." The second time when Morgan and I were discussing a trip next January and my mother in law said "oh well you can leave him with us, he'll almost be a year, you won't still be breast feeding." When I advised that in fact I am planning on still breast feeding at that time she sounded surprised with a simple "Oh you will?" Neither of these fine and generously loving ladies would ever say they thought I was wrong in either of these decisions - it is much more of a that is not how we did it sort of feeling. There are countless articles in parenting magazines and baby books about how to address the generational divide between current research on child rearing and wisdom passed down through the ages. I am blessed to not be challenged by either of their statements as I know they love us and trust the decisions we are making, but nonetheless I want to explain. I want to send studies and links and personal stories that justify why we are right in the decisions we are making for Raymond. But I know that is not the way to be. I just have to walk away - and know that if anyone ever asks I have a whole arsenal of literature to share.
Besides my nature and need to be right, I think a lot of my personal struggle with judgement is centered on my feverish need to be certain that we are doing everything right, that we are being the best possible parents, that Raymond has the best possible care and advantage we can give. There are regular pauses in my day during which I step back and remember that the most important thing we can give Raymond is simply love - not breast milk or sensory development toys. Just love. The rest is all gravy. I know that. I know that for other families too.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Babysitter.
I hate being away from Raymond. Plain and simple, but as I mentioned in my last entry I need to be making some space for myself too. We have been out a few times and always had a family member babysit Raymond. A couple of weeks ago, however, we decided we wanted to find someone regular so that we could do "date nights" as well as going to see some music - and now with Morgan working if I need to do something baby free during the day we also need someone to sit for Raymond. I signed up for a trial with an online service shortly after our conversation and after several online profiles and some rather odd messages from people I was feeling pretty desperate and freaked out. Okay, really freaked out. I don't care if the service does background checks, I still can't stomach finding a babysitter online.
Then Morgan walks in the door after a round of disc golf where he has met a great new babysitter who is friends with our friends and is looking for regular babysitting. WHEW. She came over to meet me and played with Raymond and instantly I knew we had found the perfect fit!
So today I had our dream babysitter come over so I could run some mommy errands and to make sure it was all okay while I was just running around as compared to being in a movie or at a concert when it would be harder to connect. Everything was perfect. Raymond was totally happy and the babysitter did a great job.
I, on the other hand, went through a mild personal breakdown in Target when I started judging myself for missing moments with my baby. I had to come home and breastfeed mid-errands and just make sure everything was alright. I think it will be easier next time, and am sure it will be easier when Morgan and I are doing something together as opposed to me just trying to have some me time.
Then Morgan walks in the door after a round of disc golf where he has met a great new babysitter who is friends with our friends and is looking for regular babysitting. WHEW. She came over to meet me and played with Raymond and instantly I knew we had found the perfect fit!
So today I had our dream babysitter come over so I could run some mommy errands and to make sure it was all okay while I was just running around as compared to being in a movie or at a concert when it would be harder to connect. Everything was perfect. Raymond was totally happy and the babysitter did a great job.
I, on the other hand, went through a mild personal breakdown in Target when I started judging myself for missing moments with my baby. I had to come home and breastfeed mid-errands and just make sure everything was alright. I think it will be easier next time, and am sure it will be easier when Morgan and I are doing something together as opposed to me just trying to have some me time.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Am I still interesting?
In the wake of being so focused on being mom and my love for Raymond I have started to loose parts of myself in other ways. That is to be expected. Morgan and I have often said that after having Raymond life perspective shifted - we can't really remember not having him or what seemed to be so important in life before having our baby boy. But this week I am suddenly searching for something interesting about me. I think it is part of every woman's fear in becoming a mom, or even worse, a housewife (how did that become me!) that they loose a part of their identity. Between this inevitable sense of identity shift (as I don't really think it is a loss) and my professional void I am freaking out a little. I do volunteer nonprofit work ~ granted it is for HeadCount and not the Junior League ~ but I am officially a stereotypical housewife. (Did I mention that I am also learning to play tennis?!?)
I know that this is just part of the phases of self adjustment I should expect with being a new mother. And I wouldn't trade this time with Raymond for the perfect job, at least until after he starts to walk, after which I will be seriously looking for work as I need to contribute and pay off those student loans for my fancy new MBA. But for now I am the mommy, the food and comfort source.
I think what gets me right now is that when my husband looks at me I see his intense appreciation and love for my new role. He supports me and loves that I love to be with Raymond. But there is a part of me that wants him to see me just as Tappan again - a well mannered little southern shit talker who can hang with the guys and dance all night long. I want to see the expression of love and amusement when I am simply me ~ but how can I expect that when I don't know where Tappan is all the time behind the responsibility and focus on Raymond that goes with being mommy. We have found a babysitter and are looking forward to some date nights in the future and I am afraid that when it is just the two of us I won't be able to find me again and that while we will continue to connect over our little boy and love for this phase in life somehow he will stop connecting with just me. (Yes that is a run on sentence written in the stream of consciousness style - I feel every teacher I have ever had reading this and am expecting the red marks ... but this is my blog and I am not turning in for a grade so THERE)
But I can't put needing to refine my personal identity on Morgan. Oh no, that ball is really in my court. I need to carve out space for my own interests and my own time to continue to grow. And only then can I find comfort in myself and confidence when I face the world as Tappan the Mommy, Tappan the Homemaker.
I know that this is just part of the phases of self adjustment I should expect with being a new mother. And I wouldn't trade this time with Raymond for the perfect job, at least until after he starts to walk, after which I will be seriously looking for work as I need to contribute and pay off those student loans for my fancy new MBA. But for now I am the mommy, the food and comfort source.
I think what gets me right now is that when my husband looks at me I see his intense appreciation and love for my new role. He supports me and loves that I love to be with Raymond. But there is a part of me that wants him to see me just as Tappan again - a well mannered little southern shit talker who can hang with the guys and dance all night long. I want to see the expression of love and amusement when I am simply me ~ but how can I expect that when I don't know where Tappan is all the time behind the responsibility and focus on Raymond that goes with being mommy. We have found a babysitter and are looking forward to some date nights in the future and I am afraid that when it is just the two of us I won't be able to find me again and that while we will continue to connect over our little boy and love for this phase in life somehow he will stop connecting with just me. (Yes that is a run on sentence written in the stream of consciousness style - I feel every teacher I have ever had reading this and am expecting the red marks ... but this is my blog and I am not turning in for a grade so THERE)
But I can't put needing to refine my personal identity on Morgan. Oh no, that ball is really in my court. I need to carve out space for my own interests and my own time to continue to grow. And only then can I find comfort in myself and confidence when I face the world as Tappan the Mommy, Tappan the Homemaker.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
100% Mom
I haven't had a steady job since May of 2008. Wow. That is crazy. Previously I had worked without a break from age 14 to 27. To be fair, I was finishing business school until May of 2009. Between December 2008 and May of 2009 I applied for over a hundred jobs in the Bay Area and got ONE call back for a pyramid scheme. I did some consulting work and plan to do more. And I have taken over the role of national Volunteer Coordinator for HeadCount - a volunteer job that I truly love and want to put more time into as it is. But due to our move and my pregnancy I did not secure work before I had Raymond. My plan was to wait until he was 5 or 6 months and get a job because I love to work, have a new MBA to use and I need to start paying back my over $100,000 in student loans. But, as time has passed it has become more and more evident that I want to be with my child. Now I want to stay at home until he is a year and work on trying to build up more consulting work.
Morgan has supported me in so many ways - first to quit working in the first place so I could focus on school, which was amazing. Then to move across the country and take a "promotion" even though it wasn't the best fit for him professionally to give us a better life. After he quit his job in late April and I started frantically applying for new jobs in North Carolina to tell me not to - as he wants Raymond to have his mommy and that he would find work to support us comfortably so I could be at home as long as I want. This week Morgan started his new job, which does afford us that comfort (less my student loans which are just going to have to be deferred for a little bit longer).
Not to mention the fact that because of his work from home status with SunPower and then brief period of unemployment I have really had a partner in parenting. Getting up early, letting me sleep in, playing with Raymond so I could take a bath and relax or run errands. Treating me to Saturday morning tennis lessons so I could get out of the house for some real "me" time once a week. He has done it all. I am spoiled. Totally spoiled.
This week, with Morgan's new work routine, I am 100% mommy all day long. It surprises me that my arms are sore as I felt like I had Raymond most of the time anyway. And, I have to admit that while I am seriously missing Morgan during the day, I am loving the alone time with Raymond. Focusing completely on him rather than sharing him with Morgan is awesome. I feel so in tune with all his little smiles and cuddles and play time. I feel like I have gone from simply being the food and comfort source to being the playmate too. I am seeing all the developmental and emotional LEAPS again. I am so blessed to have this time and will continue to soak it up as long as I can. I love being 100% mom, thank you Morgan for giving this time to me!
Morgan has supported me in so many ways - first to quit working in the first place so I could focus on school, which was amazing. Then to move across the country and take a "promotion" even though it wasn't the best fit for him professionally to give us a better life. After he quit his job in late April and I started frantically applying for new jobs in North Carolina to tell me not to - as he wants Raymond to have his mommy and that he would find work to support us comfortably so I could be at home as long as I want. This week Morgan started his new job, which does afford us that comfort (less my student loans which are just going to have to be deferred for a little bit longer).
Not to mention the fact that because of his work from home status with SunPower and then brief period of unemployment I have really had a partner in parenting. Getting up early, letting me sleep in, playing with Raymond so I could take a bath and relax or run errands. Treating me to Saturday morning tennis lessons so I could get out of the house for some real "me" time once a week. He has done it all. I am spoiled. Totally spoiled.
This week, with Morgan's new work routine, I am 100% mommy all day long. It surprises me that my arms are sore as I felt like I had Raymond most of the time anyway. And, I have to admit that while I am seriously missing Morgan during the day, I am loving the alone time with Raymond. Focusing completely on him rather than sharing him with Morgan is awesome. I feel so in tune with all his little smiles and cuddles and play time. I feel like I have gone from simply being the food and comfort source to being the playmate too. I am seeing all the developmental and emotional LEAPS again. I am so blessed to have this time and will continue to soak it up as long as I can. I love being 100% mom, thank you Morgan for giving this time to me!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Letting Go
We had a wonderful family weekend in Nashville. My good friend Kat was married on Saturday and we made the trip for the celebrations. My mom came up from Huntsville to babysit for the weekend so we could let loose a bit. Mom ROCKED. On Friday we went to the rehearsal dinner and returned to find Raymond totally happy and entertained by mom and the Tubbs, some good family friends. We came back to the hotel for me to nurse and put Raymond to bed - and then went to a bar around the corner. However, when it came time to go someplace new, I couldn't stomach being a whole 16 blocks/cab ride away from the hotel in case Raymond needed me - so I went home at midnight. Really, how lame is that? I was too worried to go farther away! With the perfect set up! Morgan was able to stay out until 4 AM rock it - but I had to be close to our little man.
On Saturday Mom, Raymond, Morgan and I went to the wedding together and once it got dark Mom took Raymond back to the hotel. I had a really hard time with this because we were relying on a shuttle to take us home and we were 45 minutes out of town and I knew I wouldn't be able to just hop home in case he needed me. But I let go - slowly. And after he left finally let myself have a much needed drink. But once again when we got back into town I came home and went to bed - not because I was too tired or didn't want to stay out with my people - but because I felt the need to be where Raymond was in case something happened. Once again, Morgan had NO PROBLEM staying out until (cough cough) 6 AM.
On Sunday I was like OK, next trip I stay out late and you stay closer to home with Raymond. And Morgan's response was totally true, there is no way I can do it when Raymond is around. I can't let go that much - can't let myself drink to much or be so far away that I can't get to him if needed. I mean seriously, I had my mother and a fridge full of pumped milk. I could have easily raged. But I couldn't do it.
I have often been the last girl standing - usually long after my husband has passed out. I need to think that when appropriate I can still pull that off - but when/how? Have I permanently changed?
On Saturday Mom, Raymond, Morgan and I went to the wedding together and once it got dark Mom took Raymond back to the hotel. I had a really hard time with this because we were relying on a shuttle to take us home and we were 45 minutes out of town and I knew I wouldn't be able to just hop home in case he needed me. But I let go - slowly. And after he left finally let myself have a much needed drink. But once again when we got back into town I came home and went to bed - not because I was too tired or didn't want to stay out with my people - but because I felt the need to be where Raymond was in case something happened. Once again, Morgan had NO PROBLEM staying out until (cough cough) 6 AM.
On Sunday I was like OK, next trip I stay out late and you stay closer to home with Raymond. And Morgan's response was totally true, there is no way I can do it when Raymond is around. I can't let go that much - can't let myself drink to much or be so far away that I can't get to him if needed. I mean seriously, I had my mother and a fridge full of pumped milk. I could have easily raged. But I couldn't do it.
I have often been the last girl standing - usually long after my husband has passed out. I need to think that when appropriate I can still pull that off - but when/how? Have I permanently changed?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Baby Signs
We have several friends who have taught their babies sign language as a form of expression before they could speak. There are a few theories on how to do it - Morgan and I have used a simple approach so far, introducing only the signs for mommy, daddy and milk.
We had some good advice, first from my best friend Jane, who said "Don't teach them MORE - there is nothing more annoying than having a kid sign 'MORE' but then can't follow it up with what they want more of!" That is why we are teaching milk, and not more.
Morgan has been very good about using the daddy sign when he talks to Raymond, and a could of weeks ago Raymond started putting his had on his forehead, but he hasn't quite been able to get it right because he doesn't seem to have consciousness about what kind of shape his hand is in ... nonetheless, last weekend when my mom was in town Raymond did make his version of the daddy sign to explicitly ask for Morgan. WOW. That is all I could think. WOW. HE DID IT. And of course I took him to Morgan (who was in the process of cooking a gourmet Mother's Day Weekend Dinner for us!).
This experience left me proud as I could be - I really do think Raymond is exceptionally bright and perfect. Okay, now I sound like one of those moms, but really I can't help it.
Today, however, a new kind of excitement came when Raymond looked directly at me and made the mommy sign for the first time, with his hand perfectly open and everything. I am a big puddle of gooey melted mommy pride and love as a result. I really have no idea how much of what he is doing with the signs is based on actual cognative function or if he is just following our lead. Either way he is developing so well by leaps and bounds and I have to say that I am damn proud of the job we are doing.
Not to mention the fact that he also just rolled over for the first time ... however, I am not sure that counts as he is asleep and didn't know that he was doing it. At least I know he can now, right?
We had some good advice, first from my best friend Jane, who said "Don't teach them MORE - there is nothing more annoying than having a kid sign 'MORE' but then can't follow it up with what they want more of!" That is why we are teaching milk, and not more.
Morgan has been very good about using the daddy sign when he talks to Raymond, and a could of weeks ago Raymond started putting his had on his forehead, but he hasn't quite been able to get it right because he doesn't seem to have consciousness about what kind of shape his hand is in ... nonetheless, last weekend when my mom was in town Raymond did make his version of the daddy sign to explicitly ask for Morgan. WOW. That is all I could think. WOW. HE DID IT. And of course I took him to Morgan (who was in the process of cooking a gourmet Mother's Day Weekend Dinner for us!).
This experience left me proud as I could be - I really do think Raymond is exceptionally bright and perfect. Okay, now I sound like one of those moms, but really I can't help it.
Today, however, a new kind of excitement came when Raymond looked directly at me and made the mommy sign for the first time, with his hand perfectly open and everything. I am a big puddle of gooey melted mommy pride and love as a result. I really have no idea how much of what he is doing with the signs is based on actual cognative function or if he is just following our lead. Either way he is developing so well by leaps and bounds and I have to say that I am damn proud of the job we are doing.
Not to mention the fact that he also just rolled over for the first time ... however, I am not sure that counts as he is asleep and didn't know that he was doing it. At least I know he can now, right?
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