100% Mom

I haven't had a steady job since May of 2008.  Wow.  That is crazy. Previously I had worked without a break from age 14 to 27.  To be fair, I was finishing business school until May of 2009.  Between December 2008 and May of 2009 I applied for over a hundred jobs in the Bay Area and got ONE call back for a pyramid scheme.  I did some consulting work and plan to do more.  And I have taken over the role of national Volunteer Coordinator for HeadCount - a volunteer job that I truly love and want to put more time into as it is.  But due to our move and my pregnancy I did not secure work before I had Raymond.  My plan was to wait until he was 5 or 6 months and get a job because I love to work, have a new MBA to use and I need to start paying back my over $100,000 in student loans.  But, as time has passed it has become more and more evident that I want to be with my child.  Now I want to stay at home until he is a year and work on trying to build up more consulting work. 

Morgan has supported me in so many ways - first to quit working in the first place so I could focus on school, which was amazing.  Then to move across the country and take a "promotion" even though it wasn't the best fit for him professionally to give us a better life.  After he quit his job in late April and I started frantically applying for new jobs in North Carolina to tell me not to - as he wants Raymond to have his mommy and that he would find work to support us comfortably so I could be at home as long as I want.  This week Morgan started his new job, which does afford us that comfort (less my student loans which are just going to have to be deferred for a little bit longer). 

Not to mention the fact that because of his work from home status with SunPower and then brief period of unemployment I have really had a partner in parenting.  Getting up early, letting me sleep in, playing with Raymond so I could take a bath and relax or run errands.  Treating me to Saturday morning tennis lessons so I could get out of the house for some real "me" time once a week. He has done it all.  I am spoiled.  Totally spoiled. 

This week, with Morgan's new work routine, I am 100% mommy all day long.  It surprises me that my arms are sore as I felt like I had Raymond most of the time anyway.  And, I have to admit that while I am seriously missing Morgan during the day, I am loving the alone time with Raymond.  Focusing completely on him rather than sharing him with Morgan is awesome.  I feel so in tune with all his little smiles and cuddles and play time.  I feel like I have gone from simply being the food and comfort source to being the playmate too.  I am seeing all the developmental and emotional LEAPS again. I am so blessed to have this time and will continue to soak it up as long as I can.  I love being 100% mom, thank you Morgan for giving this time to me! 

Letting Go

We had a wonderful family weekend in Nashville.  My good friend Kat was married on Saturday and we made the trip for the celebrations.  My mom came up from Huntsville to babysit for the weekend so we could let loose a bit.  Mom ROCKED. On Friday we went to the rehearsal dinner and returned to find Raymond totally happy and entertained by mom and the Tubbs, some good family friends.  We came back to the hotel for me to nurse and put Raymond to bed - and then went to a bar around the corner.  However, when it came time to go someplace new, I couldn't stomach being a whole 16 blocks/cab ride away from the hotel in case Raymond needed me - so I went home at midnight.  Really, how lame is that?  I was too worried to go farther away!  With the perfect set up!  Morgan was able to stay out until 4 AM rock it - but I had to be close to our little man.

On Saturday Mom, Raymond, Morgan and I went to the wedding together and once it got dark Mom took Raymond back to the hotel.  I had a really hard time with this because we were relying on a shuttle to take us home and we were 45 minutes out of town and I knew I wouldn't be able to just hop home in case he needed me.  But I let go - slowly.  And after he left finally let myself have a much needed drink.  But once again when we got back into town I came home and went to bed - not because I was too tired or didn't want to stay out with my people - but because I felt the need to be where Raymond was in case something happened.  Once again, Morgan had NO PROBLEM staying out until (cough cough) 6 AM.

On Sunday I was like OK, next trip I stay out late and you stay closer to home with Raymond.  And Morgan's response was totally true, there is no way I can do it when Raymond is around.  I can't let go that much - can't let myself drink to much or be so far away that I can't get to him if needed.  I mean seriously, I had my mother and a fridge full of pumped milk.  I could have easily raged.  But I couldn't do it. 

I have often been the last girl standing - usually long after my husband has passed out.  I need to think that when appropriate I can still pull that off - but when/how?  Have I permanently changed? 

Baby Signs

We have several friends who have taught their babies sign language as a form of expression before they could speak.  There are a few theories on how to do it - Morgan and I have used a simple approach so far, introducing only the signs for mommy, daddy and milk. 

We had some good advice, first from my best friend Jane, who said "Don't teach them MORE - there is nothing more annoying than having a kid sign 'MORE' but then can't follow it up with what they want more of!"  That is why we are teaching milk, and not more.

Morgan has been very good about using the daddy sign when he talks to Raymond, and a could of weeks ago Raymond started putting his had on his forehead, but he hasn't quite been able to get it right because he doesn't seem to have consciousness about what kind of shape his hand is in ...  nonetheless, last weekend when my mom was in town Raymond did make his version of the daddy sign to explicitly ask for Morgan.  WOW.  That is all I could think.  WOW.  HE DID IT.  And of course I took him to Morgan (who was in the process of cooking a gourmet Mother's Day Weekend Dinner for us!). 

This experience left me proud as I could be - I really do think Raymond is exceptionally bright and perfect.  Okay, now I sound like one of those moms, but really I can't help it.

Today, however, a new kind of excitement came when Raymond looked directly at me and made the mommy sign for the first time, with his hand perfectly open and everything.  I am a big puddle of gooey melted mommy pride and love as a result.  I really have no idea how much of what he is doing with the signs is based on actual cognative function or if he is just following our lead.  Either way he is developing so well by leaps and bounds and I have to say that I am damn proud of the job we are doing. 

Not to mention the fact that he also just rolled over for the first time ... however, I am not sure that counts as he is asleep and didn't know that he was doing it.  At least I know he can now, right?

Hello BLOG, have you missed me?

I had great expectations that after Raymond was born I would use this blog to regularly keep track of his life and milestones.  However, I have barely used it and honestly find it flat whenever I try to write just about Raymond.  I can't seem to put words together to explain how awesome it is to sit and talk with him for 30 minutes, or about how each new sound makes my heart melt.  How can you explain what it feels like to have your child sound out their first S or D noises?  But I have found that I have missed having the blog as a resource for myself.  So, I have decided to revamp and write about my experiences as a new mother - I am sure Raymond will find his way into blog just the same. 

Best Husband/Dad Ever

I have to take a moment and give some serious kudos to Morgan.  Every day he blows my mind by doing something new and wonderful for me and Raymond.  Most notably, he likes to take the 6 a.m. feeding/changing/playing shift and let me sleep until I am needed.  He gets a little time alone with Raymond and feeds and loves on him and takes care of me at the same time. 

We knew having Morgan work from home most of the time would be great for me and the baby, but I did not realize how great it would be for Morgan too.  In addition to starting his days off with his son, every time he is feeling a little overworked all he has to do is leave his office, walk down the hall and hold the baby for a few minutes to re-goup.  (Sometimes I can even get a shower in these moments)

I feel SO blessed to have such a partner in parenting.  YAY Morgan (aka Dad).

First Road Trip

Last weekend we headed to Virginia to introduce Baby Raymond to his great grandmother, Clarene Vickery (aka Meemaw) and see Morgan's family. We had great expectations of calling all our friends and family in the area to see the baby and have an open house of sorts at Morgan's parent’s house. However, a strange twist early in the week made it very had to make plans as well as having to make some big parent choices early on. Morgan's dad called on Tuesday to advise that he might have the shingles – which would mean that he could transfer the virus to Raymond and give the little guy chicken pox. At 5 chicken pox is no big deal but at 5 weeks having chicken pox can be very dangerous! Ray was supposed to get his test back on Thursday to let us know the results. We scheduled the trip for this weekend because Morgan had a conference to attend in DC on Friday so there was NO canceling the trip – instead we just made a backup plan to stay with Meemaw. Thank goodness we had another place to go as late Friday we finally learned that Ray did in fact have the shingles and could not touch or be around Raymond for the weekend.




I have been going to Vienna to see Morgan’s family for 7 years and have never stayed at Meemaw’s house before. In addition to traveling with the baby for the first time I was also going into a totally new environment. I have to admit I got a little nervous the first night when Morgan left to go see his dad and I was there to set everything up alone. However, I was able to set up Raymond travel bed (which is really more like a tent) and get comfortable on my own.



Even as Ray having shingles and changing plans was disappointing, it also turned into a wonderful surprise weekend with Meemaw getting to spend so much more time with Raymond than if we had just come over for dinner or to visit in the afternoon. Instead, she really got to know the baby and play with him, which was just perfect. Similarly we all got to spend more time with Uncle Steve which was awesome. I really enjoyed getting to chat with him more than I usually do.



Meredith Vickery was able to briefly meet Raymond on Friday when she was at Parkwood. Granny Annie and Uncle Phil came over to play with the baby and Meemaw extended awesome hospitality. Agnes came over on Saturday for lunch to meet Raymond and catch up with us, which was also a great and different kind of visit than we usually get to have with Agnes. Amanda Morgan also came over to meet her new cousin. All and all we had a great weekend. I am now very glad that we didn’t try to see more people as I was totally wiped out and so was Raymond. We now know to keep visits short and not have too many people.



On Sunday we went out to Four Sun’s Farm (where Morgan and I were married) to play. For some reason I felt like I was supposed to stay inside with the baby and did not take advantage of getting him as much fresh spring air as I should have – I guess it seemed a little too chilly. I regret that decision now as not getting outside as much I wanted put me in a bad mood the whole way home. We did enjoy the spring air the best we could and feasted on great munchies with Ann, Ray and Phil while the dogs ran around to play.



Raymond did show signs of being a little bit fussy in his new environments but generally he was a dream. I think he just got fussy because we messed up his sleep pattern (it would be wrong for me to call it a schedule as I haven’t even come close to setting a schedule up). Today is our second day at home and it feels like we are almost recovered - - -

Breast Feeding Does Work : )

Tomorrow marks Raymond's one month birthday! We went to the doctor today to have his well visit - a trip that I have been a little afraid of despite knowing that he seems to be doing well. At these well visits they weigh the baby and let you know if they are gaining the "right" amount of weight. As a breast feeding mother there is no way for me to be certain about the amount of milk going into Baby Raymond - yes, I can look at what is coming out to know he is getting something - but it is nerve racking just the same. A couple of times a week Morgan gives him a bottle and I then know he is getting X amount of pumped milk, but otherwise it is all on faith.




And then there is the spit up. You know that babies spit up, you see little bits of it around the wee ones over the years. But you do not know the sadness of a new mom whose entire life is dedicated (happily) to feeding her child and then to see it come up again and again and again. Even if you are giving them enough milk to grow, how can they be getting what they need if they can keep it down!



My mind, my fears and my inexperience have had my mind racing over the past two weeks worried SICK that I was not providing enough for Raymond. I some found comfort in talking to good friends who are also breast feeding and resources online - but the scale has been looming. Raymond’s big one month weigh in ...



and the results are GREAT!



Raymond:



Weight -



Birth: 7 lbs, 7 oz

One Month: 9 lbs, 10 oz



Length (guess they can say height until he stands up!)



Birth: 20 1/4 inches

One Month: 21 1/2 inches



YAY! My boy is growing well and god's resource, a mother's breast milk, works! There is something very confidence building about these results for me. I wonder how big he'll be on April 1!